New here and need help with how to follow through

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello.  My husband has been showing an striking similarity of BPD traits.  He has not been diagnosed, will not get help.  We went through 2 weeks of panic/crisis when he repeatedly was threatening suicide and starting cutting himself.  His mother came to help, since I seemed to be the "trigger" and was unable to calm him down.  Looking back, I see all the things I have accepted- the turmoil.  After this last incident, I have decided I cannot go through it again.  We have a 4 1/2 year old daughter I must think about first.  He's shown no signs to get help so I have no other choice... .We are separated and everything is peaceful for now (I made him give me his licensed firearm so I wouldn't feel so threatened).  The big hurdle is we own/operate a restaurant together.  I need to get out of it, but he has threatened to kill himself if I do.  What is my next step?  I don't want to be in financial ruin and I don't know if I will make it through another crisis.  Thanks for listening

[spryte]

Hello.  My husband has been showing an striking similarity of BPD traits.  He has not been diagnosed, will not get help.  We went through 2 weeks of panic/crisis when he repeatedly was threatening suicide and starting cutting himself.  His mother came to help, since I seemed to be the "trigger" and was unable to calm him down.  Looking back, I see all the things I have accepted- the turmoil.  After this last incident, I have decided I cannot go through it again.  We have a 4 1/2 year old daughter I must think about first.  He's shown no signs to get help so I have no other choice... .We are separated and everything is peaceful for now (I made him give me his licensed firearm so I wouldn't feel so threatened).  The big hurdle is we own/operate a restaurant together.  I need to get out of it, but he has threatened to kill himself if I do.  What is my next step?  I don't want to be in financial ruin and I don't know if I will make it through another crisis.  Thanks for listening

[Restored2]

Welcome to this very supportive family, spryte!  We have all been dealing with the various challenges that a BPD person can create in our lives.  Your particular situation is extremely intense and volatile.  Your husband may need an intervention with being admitted into a psych ward to protect him and others from harm.

It appears to be a very wise choice that you made for you and your daughter to separate away from your husband and for you to take his firearm at this time.  He is far from stable thinking. 

I would encourage you to seek counselling for yourself and the future involving your shared ownership of the restaurant and what you should do.

Now is the time to be proactive towards resolution.   

[Mutt]

Hi Spryte,  



I'm sorry your going through this

I would like to join Restored2 and welcome you.

I agree with Restored2. I also think you did the right thing by taking action and removing the firearms.

I also suggest getting help from persons or agencies specializing in suicide prevention if he threatens suicide. It's scary having to deal with this on your own and your not trained. I suggest making the call to professionals; your in good hands.

This workshop will also help.

This Workshop will discuss the problem of threats of suicide, suicide ideation and attempts in those with BPD.

The bpdfamily protocol for suicidal ideation is outlined here:

https://bpdfamily.com/discussions/search-info3.htm

How To Be Helpful to Someone Who Is Threatening Suicide

• Be direct. Talk openly and matter-of-factly about suicide.



• Be willing to listen. Allow expressions of feelings. Accept the feelings.



• Be non-judgmental. Don't debate whether suicide is right or wrong, or whether feelings are good or bad. Don't lecture on the value of life.



• Get involved. Become available. Show interest and support.



• Don't dare him or her to do it.



• Don't act shocked. This will put distance between you.



• Don't be sworn to secrecy. Seek support.



• Offer hope that alternatives are available but do not offer glib reassurance.



• Take action. Remove means, such as guns or stockpiled pills.



• Get help from persons or agencies specializing in crisis intervention and suicide prevention.

www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

 

TOOLS: Dealing with threats of Suicide and Suicide Attempts

You have a restaurant together and separated.

Do you work together?

How is D4 coping with separation?