Good News (Sort of)

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I got an email back from the detective at my exe's college this morning.

He did say that my obsession with her was concerning. Of course he doesn't really know exactly all of how she kept reeling me into that... .But that's not important.


However, the key points he said that make me feel better are:

1. Reece, it doesn't seem like you intend to cause any harm.

2. I have told her to not make any sort of contact with you either. (Maybe she'll stop trying to bait me)

3. I do not intend to spend much more time on this case.

4. This means that my ex can no longer without reason keep bugging the detective. I have blocked my ex on facebook, have her number completely wiped from my phone, I'm going complete radio silence.

But no longer do I have this threat of legal action hovering over me! Yay!

[Reecer1588]

I got an email back from the detective at my exe's college this morning.

He did say that my obsession with her was concerning. Of course he doesn't really know exactly all of how she kept reeling me into that... .But that's not important.


However, the key points he said that make me feel better are:

1. Reece, it doesn't seem like you intend to cause any harm.

2. I have told her to not make any sort of contact with you either. (Maybe she'll stop trying to bait me)

3. I do not intend to spend much more time on this case.

4. This means that my ex can no longer without reason keep bugging the detective. I have blocked my ex on facebook, have her number completely wiped from my phone, I'm going complete radio silence.

But no longer do I have this threat of legal action hovering over me! Yay!

[Restored2]

A HUGE congrats, Reecer1588!  This is awesome news!  Just be careful not to drop your guard and underestimate your ex in all that she could still be capable of doing with making further false allegations against you.  She is an extremely dangerous woman.  I speak from experience.

[Reecer1588]

A HUGE congrats, Reecer1588!  This is awesome news!  Just be careful not to drop your guard and underestimate your ex in all that she could still be capable of doing with making further false allegations against you.  She is an extremely dangerous woman.  I speak from experience.

Yes. I will not put my guard down. I actually came down with the flu today : (

Have you read my story? I'm just asking because you said "Extremely Dangerous," I was wondering if you got any clues to that from what I've written on the forums about her. You know, specifics that make you think that.

[Restored2]

Yes. I will not put my guard down. I actually came down with the flu today : (

Have you read my story? I'm just asking because you said "Extremely Dangerous," I was wondering if you got any clues to that from what I've written on the forums about her. You know, specifics that make you think that.

Glad to hear that you will not put your guard down here.  Having the flu is no fun.  Healing prayers lifted up for you!      

I am aware of your story with you and I being in communications.  If you recall, mine made allegations involving criminal charges of harassment against me.  Anyone who behaves and makes the allegations that yours has made against you, or that mine has made against me, should be considered "extremely dangerous".  I completely underestimated the damage that mine was capable of doing.  Which was a HUGE mistake on my part.

[nowwhatz]

That is great Reecer!

Sorry to hear you have the flu. I came down with a nasty cold yesterday and almost never get sick. Maybe this is our bodies forcing us to take care of ourselves while we go through this detachment.

Just so you know my exbdggf is a convicted felon. She used her skills to steal from an elderly patient she was caring for as a med tech.   That did not stop me from trying to make it work

Mine may not pose a physical threat but as the fog slowly lifts I am seeing her more and more for what she really is. I mention this just as an example of how our judgement can be skewed by these r/s.

Sorry to seem so blunt in my replies but I have a lot of experience working with lawyers, law enforcement and my best friend used to be an NYPD lieutenant detective homicide division... .free law enforcement advice from the best. I was worried about your safety for a lot of the same reasons mentioned by infared.

Hang in there Reecer! You will find somebody wayyy better than this person.

[Infared]

I got an email back from the detective at my exe's college this morning.

He did say that my obsession with her was concerning. Of course he doesn't really know exactly all of how she kept reeling me into that... .But that's not important.


However, the key points he said that make me feel better are:

1. Reece, it doesn't seem like you intend to cause any harm.

2. I have told her to not make any sort of contact with you either. (Maybe she'll stop trying to bait me)

3. I do not intend to spend much more time on this case.

4. This means that my ex can no longer without reason keep bugging the detective. I have blocked my ex on facebook, have her number completely wiped from my phone, I'm going complete radio silence.

But no longer do I have this threat of legal action hovering over me! Yay!

ahhhhhh... .that all sounds good.  Painful stuff... .but you are staying calm and taking incremental steps though this to a better place.  Good to hear that things are changing for the positive so quickly! 

[Reecer1588]

I got an email back from the detective at my exe's college this morning.

He did say that my obsession with her was concerning. Of course he doesn't really know exactly all of how she kept reeling me into that... .But that's not important.


However, the key points he said that make me feel better are:

1. Reece, it doesn't seem like you intend to cause any harm.

2. I have told her to not make any sort of contact with you either. (Maybe she'll stop trying to bait me)

3. I do not intend to spend much more time on this case.

4. This means that my ex can no longer without reason keep bugging the detective. I have blocked my ex on facebook, have her number completely wiped from my phone, I'm going complete radio silence.

But no longer do I have this threat of legal action hovering over me! Yay!

ahhhhhh... .that all sounds good.  Painful stuff... .but you are staying calm and taking incremental steps though this to a better place.  Good to hear that things are changing for the positive so quickly! 

At this point though it's like I know she is still just "fettering" as I like to call it... .I'm going radio silence though so I'm trying not to live in fear.

It's just so funny y'all. I used to be so excited to see her, had all this sex.

Now, I am scared of her.

[.cup.car]

He did say that my obsession with her was concerning. Of course he doesn't really know exactly all of how she kept reeling me into that... .But that's not important.

I dislike this. You had every right to be scared and divert every moment of "down time" worrying about how things may play out. Several members on here have ignored harassment threats from a pwBPD, only for them to follow through and fabricate grandiose stories that are taken at face value simply because they're women.

Realistically, she will try to contact you again. 99.9% of the time, they do. In my own experience, my exwBPD would tell me she was a lesbian and be all over online dating sites stating she was only into girls and tired of guys hitting on her, only to call me crying 8-9 months later begging to get back together.

Anything can and probably will happen, even long after you care. All depends how you handle it.

[Restored2]

He did say that my obsession with her was concerning. Of course he doesn't really know exactly all of how she kept reeling me into that... .But that's not important.

I dislike this. You had every right to be scared and divert every moment of "down time" worrying about how things may play out. Several members on here have ignored harassment threats from a pwBPD, only for them to follow through and fabricate grandiose stories that are taken at face value simply because they're women.

Realistically, she will try to contact you again. 99.9% of the time, they do. In my own experience, my exwBPD would tell me she was a lesbian and be all over online dating sites stating she was only into girls and tired of guys hitting on her, only to call me crying 8-9 months later begging to get back together.

Anything can and probably will happen, even long after you care. All depends how you handle it.

Hi .cup.car.  I agree with you about having every right to be scared and worried about how things may play out.  I am one of those members who received an harassment threat that shook me to my core.  I would never have expected this kind of abusive mistreatment from mine.  The police lap this stuff up when women cry "helpless victims" that feel "unsafe".

Do you really believe that despite what Reecer1588 and I have been put through with false allegations that they will still try to contact us again?  

That is amazing what you experienced with your relationship.  For clarification, did your exwBPD not contact you at all until 8-9 months later?

[HappyNihilist]

I'm very glad this has been settled for you, Reecer.   It sounds like the detective was open-minded and reasonable.

He did say that my obsession with her was concerning. Of course he doesn't really know exactly all of how she kept reeling me into that... .But that's not important.

I dislike this. You had every right to be scared and divert every moment of "down time" worrying about how things may play out. Several members on here have ignored harassment threats from a pwBPD, only for them to follow through and fabricate grandiose stories that are taken at face value simply because they're women.

Realistically, she will try to contact you again. 99.9% of the time, they do. In my own experience, my exwBPD would tell me she was a lesbian and be all over online dating sites stating she was only into girls and tired of guys hitting on her, only to call me crying 8-9 months later begging to get back together.

Anything can and probably will happen, even long after you care. All depends how you handle it.

Hi .cup.car.  I agree with you about having every right to be scared and worried about how things may play out.  I am one of those members who received an harassment threat that shook me to my core.  I would never have expected this kind of abusive mistreatment from mine.  The police lap this stuff up when women cry "helpless victims" that feel "unsafe".

I have to respectfully offer a different opinion here, Reecer.

Did your exgf do and say hurtful things after the breakup? Yes. Would I consider them harassment? No.

Yes, there are a lot of stories of harassment from all genders of pwBPD - it's definitely not outside the borderline wheelhouse - but in your specific situation, it sounds more like she was acting out from being hurt by things you said after the breakup. This doesn't excuse her behavior, but I think there's a good chance she'll settle down with strict no contact.

You were both in pain and you both hurt each other. You both got caught up in emotional turmoil. It happens, it's human, it doesn't make anyone a bad person at all. But take this for the important life lesson that it is - it's best to just step away, disengage, and not get caught up with the dysfunction. You have to protect yourself.

Thank you for sharing the good news with us. Keep taking care of You.  

[Reecer1588]

I'm very glad this has been settled for you, Reecer.   It sounds like the detective was open-minded and reasonable.

He did say that my obsession with her was concerning. Of course he doesn't really know exactly all of how she kept reeling me into that... .But that's not important.

I dislike this. You had every right to be scared and divert every moment of "down time" worrying about how things may play out. Several members on here have ignored harassment threats from a pwBPD, only for them to follow through and fabricate grandiose stories that are taken at face value simply because they're women.

Realistically, she will try to contact you again. 99.9% of the time, they do. In my own experience, my exwBPD would tell me she was a lesbian and be all over online dating sites stating she was only into girls and tired of guys hitting on her, only to call me crying 8-9 months later begging to get back together.

Anything can and probably will happen, even long after you care. All depends how you handle it.

Hi .cup.car.  I agree with you about having every right to be scared and worried about how things may play out.  I am one of those members who received an harassment threat that shook me to my core.  I would never have expected this kind of abusive mistreatment from mine.  The police lap this stuff up when women cry "helpless victims" that feel "unsafe".

I have to respectfully offer a different opinion here, Reecer.

Did your exgf do and say hurtful things after the breakup? Yes. Would I consider them harassment? No.

Yes, there are a lot of stories of harassment from all genders of pwBPD - it's definitely not outside the borderline wheelhouse - but in your specific situation, it sounds more like she was acting out from being hurt by things you said after the breakup. This doesn't excuse her behavior, but I think there's a good chance she'll settle down with strict no contact.

You were both in pain and you both hurt each other. You both got caught up in emotional turmoil. It happens, it's human, it doesn't make anyone a bad person at all. But take this for the important life lesson that it is - it's best to just step away, disengage, and not get caught up with the dysfunction. You have to protect yourself.

Thank you for sharing the good news with us. Keep taking care of You.  

No you're saying what is really most likely the truth. I didn't always just 'take it' from my ex. I struck back. And it is most likely that she is just going to calm down and leave it be if I go completely radio silence. It's sad because truth be told I'm still attached to her and wish we could talk things out, but you know, that isn't going to happen. I will say this though, just to give you chronology of events... .

January 10th I sent her e-mail #1: She called it "immature" like she called everything else I did... .We stopped texting.

January 17th: I start getting all these harassing texts from an anonymous number. My mom also get's them. Well of course my EX is really behind these. So she did the whole 'indirect contact' thing after a week of no contact.

January 19th I send email number 2: A very apologetic e-mail, (it's in my story on here), and she doesn't respond.

February 3rd I contact her through my fake facebook: She tells me that she is "concerned about me", that I should "feel free to text her" , and we start texting again. Odd because literally I told her "you don't want me to bother you anymore, just say the word" and she just immediately told me to talk to her again.

February 5th I learn that she had called her mother the same night I contacted her, again the mother called my parents expressing "concern" about me killing myself. Mind you I just told my ex that  I was doing pretty well. Made no signs of mental disturbance. I sent my exgf the famous "last text" which apparently is what really got to her.

February 6th: I get my first call from campus police. She had gone to the police, and now I presume it was over that text I had sent her.

March 2nd: I get another call from campus police, she had sent yet another e-mail to them, claiming I had tried to friend her on facebook. The detective told me that she had included my final text to her in the e-mail as part of her case against me. He noted "It wasn't a threatening text, it was more like an it's over text".

My point being, it's all the TEXT i sent her that probably cause this entire fiasco with the campus police. Here is the text: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=271943.0 REPLY NUMBER 9

She never blocked me on facebook. Invited me to text her as soon as I contacted her. Did the whole indirect contact thing through the 3rd party.

Happynihilst, all I'm saying is, she has been fettering for 3 weeks and still sent another e-mail to the CP. It shows me that she really is vindictive. If she were to break the silence with me months from now, I probably would apologize for the text. I only sent it because her Mother so rudely got off the phone with me minutes earlier. I only sent it in a bout of emotions.

I guess it was a really cleverly hurtful text I sent. Because really, even the detective seemed to hint at it, that was her whole case against me. Not a fake facebook account, not this, not that. It was all one text.

I feel bad for sending that text, when I read it, it doesn't make me feel good that I sent it. In a lot of ways like my ex, I'm good at being hurtful. You read that text message, and it kind of ruins her whole life. It really does cut deep.

[Reecer1588]

Decided just to leave that question on a new thread.

Happynihilst, or anyone, If you read that text I sent her, how would it make you feel? How do you think it made her feel? What was going on in her mind when she got it?

Some insight would really be helpful. I want to know how my text message affected her.

[HappyNihilist]

Please don't be hard on yourself, Reecer.   

There were times when I hurt my exBPDbf, too. I don't feel good about those times, and they didn't achieve anything but more pain and misunderstanding. I was hurt, angry, confused, emotional... .and human. We are allowed to make mistakes and deserve our own forgiveness.

she has been fettering for 3 weeks and still sent another e-mail to the CP. It shows me that she really is vindictive.

I agree, which is why I encourage you not to contact her or respond if she contacts you, at least right now. It's truly the best thing you can do to take care of yourself. Don't give vindictive people any extra ammunition - they'll only use it on you.

[.cup.car]

Do you really believe that despite what Reecer1588 and I have been put through with false allegations that they will still try to contact us again?  

That is amazing what you experienced with your relationship.  For clarification, did your exwBPD not contact you at all until 8-9 months later?

December of 2010, claimed she was a lesbian and that I was forcing her to go against her sexuality. Blocked on every form of communication I had with her. Came crying back in July of 2011 with novel-length text messages claiming I was the best thing to ever happen with her and we entered this weird state of sorta back together, sorta not.

September of 2011, claimed she was a lesbian and that I was forcing her to go against her sexuality. Blocked on every form of communication I had with her. Came crying back in July of 2012. More phone calls & novel-length text messages. Got back together.

August of 2012, claimed she was a lesbian and that I was a delusional stalker making up stories about us dating, and that she was planning to marry some online girlfriend in Oklahoma (I'm in Canada). Harassed me through text messaging for a month, claiming I was stalking her before cutting all contact. Called my mom to ask where I lived, where I worked, and what my phone number was in July of 2013.

August of 2013 assaulted me in a parking lot when I tried to ask why she'd called my mom, harassed me through text messaging for about 2-3 weeks afterwards before finally cutting contact. March of 2014, her father made empty legal threats towards me. July of 2014, she's starting drama between us in the comments section of an article I'd written. The article had been posted fifteen months earlier. When I failed to respond to these comments, she began messaging my old roommate.

Even with the court order in place at the moment, my money is betting on that she'll come back.

[Reecer1588]

Please don't be hard on yourself, Reecer.  

There were times when I hurt my exBPDbf, too. I don't feel good about those times, and they didn't achieve anything but more pain and misunderstanding. I was hurt, angry, confused, emotional... .and human. We are allowed to make mistakes and deserve our own forgiveness.

she has been fettering for 3 weeks and still sent another e-mail to the CP. It shows me that she really is vindictive.

I agree, which is why I encourage you not to contact her or respond if she contacts you, at least right now. It's truly the best thing you can do to take care of yourself. Don't give vindictive people any extra ammunition - they'll only use it on you.

I really doubt my exgf will ever contact me again. She truly gives me the impression she has painted me black and she's never coming back. She seems happier without me. Which friggin' succcckssss.

I'm not trying to say cup.car is wrong, it's just my gut feeling has gone from "oh one day she'll text me again" to "no she probably won't."  

I know there is one thing I can guarantee. I will NOT be reaching out to her first.

Because right now I know she's just dying for the chance to go back to the Campus Police, and because I know that just as soon as I were to contact her, I've given her the control.

And that I cannot do.


cup.car, did you ever have times where you really thought "no way in hell is she going to contact me again?"



cause that's where I am now.