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Author Topic: Getting any strange calls? FYI  (Read 897 times)
JRT
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« Reply #30 on: March 06, 2015, 11:05:56 AM »

JRT:  Yeah... .bringing the police into the picture is a very tall wall that should be walked around.  I still can't believe that mine would do such an abusive treatment against me.    

I have been highly offended by this or that in my life... .but nothing compared to this.

I hear ya, JRT.  Involving the police is the lowest forms of betrayals against us that is abusive to the core.  How someone who professed their love to you could even conceive of stooping soo low is unbelievable.  It is only as of recent, that I have begun to get mad at the mistreatment and abuse.

Glad that you are seeing it that way. I turned the corner on all of this when this incident had happened, I was enraged by it. I'm not sure that 'betrayal' is quite the right word in severity to describe the act.

It has taken this police incident to occur after 6 months post breakup for me to actually feel anger for the very first time after everything that she has put me through. 

I think the word "betrayal" does apply to this.  One definition of betrayal states; "to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling:to betray a trust."; "to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to:to betray one's friends."  Mine did not guard/protect me here and she most definitely disappointed my hopes and expectations of her.  I feel a total disloyalty and betrayal from her in going to the police with allegations of harassment against me. 

no, no: I AGREE with the term... .what I meant is that it is more severe in a sense... .I totally agree with you.
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« Reply #31 on: March 06, 2015, 11:31:29 AM »

JRT:  Yeah... .bringing the police into the picture is a very tall wall that should be walked around.  I still can't believe that mine would do such an abusive treatment against me.    

Gotcha.  I misunderstood where you were coming from.  It is more severe in many ways.  It is a complete sabotage against us and our relationships. 

I have been highly offended by this or that in my life... .but nothing compared to this.

I hear ya, JRT.  Involving the police is the lowest forms of betrayals against us that is abusive to the core.  How someone who professed their love to you could even conceive of stooping soo low is unbelievable.  It is only as of recent, that I have begun to get mad at the mistreatment and abuse.

Glad that you are seeing it that way. I turned the corner on all of this when this incident had happened, I was enraged by it. I'm not sure that 'betrayal' is quite the right word in severity to describe the act.

It has taken this police incident to occur after 6 months post breakup for me to actually feel anger for the very first time after everything that she has put me through. 

I think the word "betrayal" does apply to this.  One definition of betrayal states; "to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling:to betray a trust."; "to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to:to betray one's friends."  Mine did not guard/protect me here and she most definitely disappointed my hopes and expectations of her.  I feel a total disloyalty and betrayal from her in going to the police with allegations of harassment against me. 

no, no: I AGREE with the term... .what I meant is that it is more severe in a sense... .I totally agree with you.

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« Reply #32 on: March 06, 2015, 11:33:32 AM »

JRT:  Gotcha.  I misunderstood where you were coming from.  This betrayal is more severe in many ways.  It is a complete sabotage of us and our relationships. 
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JRT
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« Reply #33 on: March 06, 2015, 11:36:06 AM »

Yeah... .I don't believe in coincidences any longer either. So the calls pretty much tapered off this week to zero. Guess what? She is on vacation... .
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JRT
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« Reply #34 on: March 06, 2015, 11:44:31 AM »

JRT:  Gotcha.  I misunderstood where you were coming from.  This betrayal is more severe in many ways.  It is a complete sabotage of us and our relationships. 

! Its one terrible thing to be betrayed... .but to be betrayed by the one that you have provided the most unconditional love and trust to in your life! Add to that the cutting off and silent treatment and smear campaign that just adds insult to the injury.

I tell you: I was proud of how much I gave to my ex with a loving and mature heart. I felt that I had finally come to a point in my life that I was able to practice love within a healthy context of my own shortcomings. The conventional wisdom is that you get back what you give. This is so ingrained that the resulting nuclear bomb ends up reverberating and upsetting very deep recesses of our minds and souls.

This is why I say it is more than just a simple betrayal... .it is a damaging blow to ones very being. If I added up all the things that offended and hurt me in my life by others (and there have been a LOT), those things put together are far less than the offense exacted by this individual upon me. This is among the reasons why I am having such a hard time with it.
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« Reply #35 on: March 06, 2015, 11:49:07 AM »

Yeah... .I don't believe in coincidences any longer either. So the calls pretty much tapered off this week to zero. Guess what? She is on vacation... .

I don't really believe in coincidences either.  Everything lines up.
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« Reply #36 on: March 06, 2015, 12:04:39 PM »

JRT:  Gotcha.  I misunderstood where you were coming from.  This betrayal is more severe in many ways.  It is a complete sabotage of us and our relationships. 

! Its one terrible thing to be betrayed... .but to be betrayed by the one that you have provided the most unconditional love and trust to in your life! Add to that the cutting off and silent treatment and smear campaign that just adds insult to the injury.

I tell you: I was proud of how much I gave to my ex with a loving and mature heart. I felt that I had finally come to a point in my life that I was able to practice love within a healthy context of my own shortcomings. The conventional wisdom is that you get back what you give. This is so ingrained that the resulting nuclear bomb ends up reverberating and upsetting very deep recesses of our minds and souls.

This is why I say it is more than just a simple betrayal... .it is a damaging blow to ones very being. If I added up all the things that offended and hurt me in my life by others (and there have been a LOT), those things put together are far less than the offense exacted by this individual upon me. This is among the reasons why I am having such a hard time with it.

I totally hear you and agree with you, JRT.  There is a true breach of trust here that reverberates to the very core of our beings and souls.  I too have had numerous offenses and hurts from others towards me in my lifetime.  None can really compare to the damaging extent and toll than this relationship has done to me.  I can also relate to the reasons you are having such a hard time with it all.  You and I seem to share the same camp on so many levels.
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« Reply #37 on: March 06, 2015, 12:15:44 PM »

No doubt about it.

To my family and firends, I am the strong one. The one that doesn't let things bother him. But MAN! I cannot believe the lasting impact that this relationship has had on me. I still cannot believe that she did what she did. Brother, we did not have the stormy r/s that seems to typify most BPD r/s's that I read about here; there was no yelling or lying or other forms of acrimony. Just a week before this happened, I was telling how I was never more happy in all of my life and how grateful to God that I was for the blessing (and I rarely say things like that unless I REALLY mean them). It was a milestone in my 48 year old life.

A week later she is going without warning and then engages in scorched earth... .incredible. I tell people about this and their reaction is always the same; either I am making it up or embellishing a bit or it is a look of disbelief/horror. No one really has ever seen or heard of such a thing.
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« Reply #38 on: March 06, 2015, 12:41:31 PM »

Hi JRT,

I haven't been on the boards in a while. Finally letting things go, I think. However - I thought you might find this interesting. Your original thread post talks about getting weird phone calls. I used to get those - but they've stopped. Here's the latest - I have four old video clips on Facebook. Back from December. Just silly stuff. Chasing our cats with remote control toys received at Xmas - that sort of thing.

The view counters on the videos stopped back in December (naturally). Now starting a week ago Thursday - the views have jumped up dramatically. Most especially on the one where I am "narrating" and laughing. This one has been viewed over 25 times since last week. The views come during the late night / early morning hours. Gee - I wonder who is obsessively watching those silly videos? Give ya' one guess !   

They find all sorts of ways to stay "connected", I guess.

Hope you are doing well! 
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« Reply #39 on: March 06, 2015, 12:55:20 PM »

That's wild lipstick... .why do they obsess like that? Mine was caught stalking me on FB... .and remember that stuff of hers that I took to the storage facility? Its STILL there! Now the phone calls! I got one today that is coming from a persistent number... .no one was on the other line as usual... .I ask myself: what kind of a telemarketer would be failing this frequently? Today I said. 'Ex - you have to cut this out' and the line cut off. Was that her hanging up or did the call just naturally terminate? I do not know. 

This kind of stuff has been pulling me back in... .
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« Reply #40 on: March 06, 2015, 01:11:07 PM »

That's wild lipstick... .why do they obsess like that? Mine was caught stalking me on FB... .and remember that stuff of hers that I took to the storage facility? Its STILL there! Now the phone calls! I got one today that is coming from a persistent number... .no one was on the other line as usual... .I ask myself: what kind of a telemarketer would be failing this frequently? Today I said. 'Ex - you have to cut this out' and the line cut off. Was that her hanging up or did the call just naturally terminate? I do not know. 

This kind of stuff has been pulling me back in... .

JRT,

She's STILL not interested in picking up her things? Wow. 

The phone calls - is she using a "spoofing" app or do you know?
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« Reply #41 on: March 06, 2015, 01:21:41 PM »

Yeah... .I finally sent an email to her sister to ask for her to communicate it to her... .thing is, I used a NON blocked way of sending the email AND I sent her a snail mail to her work. It appears that she doesn't care about her stuff or that she zapped the mail without reading it. SMH: how childish! just a simple 'screw you' would suffice, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

The phone calls? Yeah, that's what I suspect... .see above.

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ShadowIntheNight
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« Reply #42 on: March 06, 2015, 01:23:07 PM »

That's wild lipstick... .why do they obsess like that? Mine was caught stalking me on FB... .and remember that stuff of hers that I took to the storage facility? Its STILL there! Now the phone calls! I got one today that is coming from a persistent number... .no one was on the other line as usual... .I ask myself: what kind of a telemarketer would be failing this frequently? Today I said. 'Ex - you have to cut this out' and the line cut off. Was that her hanging up or did the call just naturally terminate? I do not know. 

This kind of stuff has been pulling me back in... .

She's STILL not interested in picking up her things? Wow. 

The phone calls - is she using a "spoofing" app or do you know?

JRT are you paying for her items to be in storage? If so, why? Back in Nov I kept getting calls from a company that I had no reason, in my mind, to be getting them from. Finally I answered because they had been so persistent. I discovered the calls were about an extended warranty for a TV set for my ex's kids 3 years ago that was set to expire. Our thought at the time was that if they tore it up it could be replaced for free. I didn't renew it, what was the point? And I didn't tell her either. I figure if it breaks she can pay for it or whoever is in her life can do it. Or they can throw it out.
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« Reply #43 on: March 06, 2015, 01:33:14 PM »

Yeah... .I finally sent an email to her sister to ask for her to communicate it to her... .thing is, I used a NON blocked way of sending the email AND I sent her a snail mail to her work. It appears that she doesn't care about her stuff or that she zapped the mail without reading it. SMH: how childish! just a simple 'screw you' would suffice, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

The phone calls? Yeah, that's what I suspect... .see above.

I'm sorry. What a frustrating situation! I don't think I would continue to pay for the storage unit. Put the items on Craigslist, eBay, whatever. You've been more than kind / generous to her. And she certainly has done nothing to deserve it. If she wants to continue acting like a brat - that's her problem.

Hey! Make a video of yourself pimping the items to your friends on Facebook! Bet that will get a reaction ! (kidding!)



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JRT
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« Reply #44 on: March 06, 2015, 01:37:09 PM »

Yeah... .I finally sent an email to her sister to ask for her to communicate it to her... .thing is, I used a NON blocked way of sending the email AND I sent her a snail mail to her work. It appears that she doesn't care about her stuff or that she zapped the mail without reading it. SMH: how childish! just a simple 'screw you' would suffice, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

The phone calls? Yeah, that's what I suspect... .see above.

I'm sorry. What a frustrating situation! I don't think I would continue to pay for the storage unit. Put the items on Craigslist, eBay, whatever. You've been more than kind / generous to her. And she certainly has done nothing to deserve it. If she wants to continue acting like a brat - that's her problem.

Hey! Make a video of yourself pimping the items to your friends on Facebook! Bet that will get a reaction ! (kidding!)


I didn't get a response... .its how my brain works... .I would have a guilty conscience... .if she acknowledged that she had received the message and then didn't pick the stuff up, I would have no problem with trashing it.

You will recall that I DID put her things on FB... .it got her attention... .Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #45 on: March 06, 2015, 01:40:49 PM »

No doubt about it.

To my family and firends, I am the strong one. The one that doesn't let things bother him. But MAN! I cannot believe the lasting impact that this relationship has had on me. I still cannot believe that she did what she did. Brother, we did not have the stormy r/s that seems to typify most BPD r/s's that I read about here; there was no yelling or lying or other forms of acrimony. Just a week before this happened, I was telling how I was never more happy in all of my life and how grateful to God that I was for the blessing (and I rarely say things like that unless I REALLY mean them). It was a milestone in my 48 year old life.

A week later she is going without warning and then engages in scorched earth... .incredible. I tell people about this and their reaction is always the same; either I am making it up or embellishing a bit or it is a look of disbelief/horror. No one really has ever seen or heard of such a thing.

It is amazing how lasting of an impact these relationships can have on us.  I too cannot believe what mine did to me either.  My relationship was not "stormy" at all with being drama free as well.  It was an overall happy and loving relationship... .or so I was lead to believe.  Which is why none of this makes any sense to me.  The storms of drama only began at the breakup and fallout afterwards.  These devastating relationship experiences are a recipe to shake ones confidence and self esteem, leaving one to question their own accuracy in judgments.  

My family and friends are in total amazement on the horror reaction end of what she has put me through from the point of breakup onwards.    
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« Reply #46 on: March 06, 2015, 01:48:10 PM »

We must have been engaged to the same woman!

My family cannot believe it either... .
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ShadowIntheNight
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« Reply #47 on: March 06, 2015, 01:49:14 PM »

No doubt about it.

To my family and firends, I am the strong one. The one that doesn't let things bother him. But MAN! I cannot believe the lasting impact that this relationship has had on me. I still cannot believe that she did what she did. Brother, we did not have the stormy r/s that seems to typify most BPD r/s's that I read about here; there was no yelling or lying or other forms of acrimony. Just a week before this happened, I was telling how I was never more happy in all of my life and how grateful to God that I was for the blessing (and I rarely say things like that unless I REALLY mean them). It was a milestone in my 48 year old life.

A week later she is going without warning and then engages in scorched earth... .incredible. I tell people about this and their reaction is always the same; either I am making it up or embellishing a bit or it is a look of disbelief/horror. No one really has ever seen or heard of such a thing.

It is amazing how lasting of an impact these relationships can have on us.  I too cannot believe what mine did to me either.  My relationship was not "stormy" at all with being drama free as well.  It was an overall happy and loving relationship... .or so I was lead to believe.  Which is why none of this makes any sense to me.  The storms of drama only began at the breakup and fallout afterwards.  These devastating relationship experiences are a recipe to shake ones confidence and self esteem, leaving one to question their own accuracy in judgments.  

My family and friends are in total amazement on the horror reaction end of what she has put me through from the point of breakup onwards.    

I'd vote your response up if I could. She and I were relatively drama free. Her conflict was with her exH for the 10 years we were together. I have a better understanding of what may have caused her to "snap" but am still not certain. I am sure if she were to say it would be things about my behavior or something along those lines that I had never heard cross her lips before. In other words, she'd have to make it up... .
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« Reply #48 on: March 06, 2015, 01:52:10 PM »

We must have been engaged to the same woman!

My family cannot believe it either... .

Thankfully, her and I were not engaged, as that would have made it even harder to deal with.  We were talking marriage though.  She initiated the marriage conversation with me after only dating about a couple of months.  She then brought her 5 children in on the marriage loop to prepare them for what could be coming down the road... .
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JRT
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« Reply #49 on: March 06, 2015, 02:41:34 PM »

No doubt about it.

To my family and firends, I am the strong one. The one that doesn't let things bother him. But MAN! I cannot believe the lasting impact that this relationship has had on me. I still cannot believe that she did what she did. Brother, we did not have the stormy r/s that seems to typify most BPD r/s's that I read about here; there was no yelling or lying or other forms of acrimony. Just a week before this happened, I was telling how I was never more happy in all of my life and how grateful to God that I was for the blessing (and I rarely say things like that unless I REALLY mean them). It was a milestone in my 48 year old life.

A week later she is going without warning and then engages in scorched earth... .incredible. I tell people about this and their reaction is always the same; either I am making it up or embellishing a bit or it is a look of disbelief/horror. No one really has ever seen or heard of such a thing.

It is amazing how lasting of an impact these relationships can have on us.  I too cannot believe what mine did to me either.  My relationship was not "stormy" at all with being drama free as well.  It was an overall happy and loving relationship... .or so I was lead to believe.  Which is why none of this makes any sense to me.  The storms of drama only began at the breakup and fallout afterwards.  These devastating relationship experiences are a recipe to shake ones confidence and self esteem, leaving one to question their own accuracy in judgments.  

My family and friends are in total amazement on the horror reaction end of what she has put me through from the point of breakup onwards.    

I'd vote your response up if I could. She and I were relatively drama free. Her conflict was with her exH for the 10 years we were together. I have a better understanding of what may have caused her to "snap" but am still not certain. I am sure if she were to say it would be things about my behavior or something along those lines that I had never heard cross her lips before. In other words, she'd have to make it up... .

Mine raged against her son, never against me. The son is a bright kid but a functional disaster: he will live in mom's basement for the remainder of his life... .he is more of a tragedy than this relationship... .

We also had a happy relationship... .I didn't hear "this bothers me' or 'can we fix this or that' even once! Nothing! In fact the opposite... .compliments especially at the end. I don't see it coming... .

... .then the anger. She behaves now as if I am someone that would murder her upon hearing the sound of my voice or seeing me in person... .I don't get it... .I have heard of but one or 2 instances where they do not make contact again... .its been 6 months for mine
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« Reply #50 on: March 06, 2015, 05:06:29 PM »

JRT ... .I had a similar experience as you... .I didn't get the abuse until she got new supply and ran off.  God was it awful.  They are married now... .me absolute NC for years... .and she tries to chase me around parking lots, now! LOL! I will have NONE of that.  Mind your business and give it time.   They are mentally ill, and have absolutely no accountability about anything. Ever.  Being cool (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #51 on: March 06, 2015, 09:07:37 PM »

No doubt about it.

To my family and firends, I am the strong one. The one that doesn't let things bother him. But MAN! I cannot believe the lasting impact that this relationship has had on me. I still cannot believe that she did what she did. Brother, we did not have the stormy r/s that seems to typify most BPD r/s's that I read about here; there was no yelling or lying or other forms of acrimony. Just a week before this happened, I was telling how I was never more happy in all of my life and how grateful to God that I was for the blessing (and I rarely say things like that unless I REALLY mean them). It was a milestone in my 48 year old life.

A week later she is going without warning and then engages in scorched earth... .incredible. I tell people about this and their reaction is always the same; either I am making it up or embellishing a bit or it is a look of disbelief/horror. No one really has ever seen or heard of such a thing.

It is amazing how lasting of an impact these relationships can have on us.  I too cannot believe what mine did to me either.  My relationship was not "stormy" at all with being drama free as well.  It was an overall happy and loving relationship... .or so I was lead to believe.  Which is why none of this makes any sense to me.  The storms of drama only began at the breakup and fallout afterwards.  These devastating relationship experiences are a recipe to shake ones confidence and self esteem, leaving one to question their own accuracy in judgments.  

My family and friends are in total amazement on the horror reaction end of what she has put me through from the point of breakup onwards.    

I'd vote your response up if I could. She and I were relatively drama free. Her conflict was with her exH for the 10 years we were together. I have a better understanding of what may have caused her to "snap" but am still not certain. I am sure if she were to say it would be things about my behavior or something along those lines that I had never heard cross her lips before. In other words, she'd have to make it up... .

Mine raged against her son, never against me. The son is a bright kid but a functional disaster: he will live in mom's basement for the remainder of his life... .he is more of a tragedy than this relationship... .

We also had a happy relationship... .I didn't hear "this bothers me' or 'can we fix this or that' even once! Nothing! In fact the opposite... .compliments especially at the end. I don't see it coming... .

... .then the anger. She behaves now as if I am someone that would murder her upon hearing the sound of my voice or seeing me in person... .I don't get it... .I have heard of but one or 2 instances where they do not make contact again... .its been 6 months for mine

That is very sad about the son.  I never heard any real issues of concern until the breakup when she claimed that I was controlling her and our relationship and that she would not tolerate it any further.  I would have constructively addressed her concerns, if she had of let me in on them.  She never gave me much of a chance to correct anything.  As for them contacting, ya just never know... .
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« Reply #52 on: March 06, 2015, 09:11:31 PM »

JRT ... .I had a similar experience as you... .I didn't get the abuse until she got new supply and ran off.  God was it awful.  They are married now... .me absolute NC for years... .and she tries to chase me around parking lots, now! LOL! I will have NONE of that.  Mind your business and give it time.   They are mentally ill, and have absolutely no accountability about anything. Ever.  Being cool (click to insert in post)

Hi Infared.  Sounds like you have had an extremely rough go too.  I am curious, how long was it for your ex to come around to contacting you and chasing you in parking lots?
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« Reply #53 on: March 06, 2015, 10:24:51 PM »

JRT ... .I had a similar experience as you... .I didn't get the abuse until she got new supply and ran off.  God was it awful.  They are married now... .me absolute NC for years... .and she tries to chase me around parking lots, now! LOL! I will have NONE of that.  Mind your business and give it time.   They are mentally ill, and have absolutely no accountability about anything. Ever.  Being cool (click to insert in post)

Hi Infared.  Sounds like you have had an extremely rough go too.  I am curious, how long was it for your ex to come around to contacting you and chasing you in parking lots?

Well... .it's complicated... .she stared doing drive-byes about a year out of our relationship. I had bee total NC for at least 6-8 months. At about the year and 4 months point she did a quadruple drive by one day when I was out putting my MTB on my car and I knew that I had incoming... but before she could even get out of her car I asked if she was still with my replacement, when she said yes. I told her GOOD bye!... .and she shamefully got back in her car and drove away. I was in T and was getting stronger. Whenever I have these encounters it is really painful for me... .but I will not let her play her psycho triangulation games on me. It's mental illness, nothing more... .but it still is not easy to deal with in a split second. She has no intention of leaving my replacement... .It still hurts me... .but at this point, it's weird... I miss her, but at the same time, I have nothing to say to her. There was just too much emotional abuse... .way too much.
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« Reply #54 on: March 06, 2015, 10:47:27 PM »

JRT ... .I had a similar experience as you... .I didn't get the abuse until she got new supply and ran off.  God was it awful.  They are married now... .me absolute NC for years... .and she tries to chase me around parking lots, now! LOL! I will have NONE of that.  Mind your business and give it time.   They are mentally ill, and have absolutely no accountability about anything. Ever.  Being cool (click to insert in post)

Hi Infared.  Sounds like you have had an extremely rough go too.  I am curious, how long was it for your ex to come around to contacting you and chasing you in parking lots?

Well... .it's complicated... .she stared doing drive-byes about a year out of our relationship. I had bee total NC for at least 6-8 months. At about the year and 4 months point she did a quadruple drive by one day when I was out putting my MTB on my car and I knew that I had incoming... but before she could even get out of her car I asked if she was still with my replacement, when she said yes. I told her GOOD bye!... .and she shamefully got back in her car and drove away. I was in T and was getting stronger. Whenever I have these encounters it is really painful for me... .but I will not let her play her psycho triangulation games on me. It's mental illness, nothing more... .but it still is not easy to deal with in a split second. She has no intention of leaving my replacement... .It still hurts me... .but at this point, it's weird... I miss her, but at the same time, I have nothing to say to her. There was just too much emotional abuse... .way too much.

Thank you for sharing, Infared.  It is totally understandable how it would still hurt you.  For you to have conflictual feelings for her may seem weird to you, but considering the circumstances is quite normal.  I am curious why these encounters are painful for you?     
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« Reply #55 on: March 06, 2015, 10:53:00 PM »

JRT ... .I had a similar experience as you... .I didn't get the abuse until she got new supply and ran off.  God was it awful.  They are married now... .me absolute NC for years... .and she tries to chase me around parking lots, now! LOL! I will have NONE of that.  Mind your business and give it time.   They are mentally ill, and have absolutely no accountability about anything. Ever.  Being cool (click to insert in post)

Hi Infared.  Sounds like you have had an extremely rough go too.  I am curious, how long was it for your ex to come around to contacting you and chasing you in parking lots?

Well... .it's complicated... .she stared doing drive-byes about a year out of our relationship. I had bee total NC for at least 6-8 months. At about the year and 4 months point she did a quadruple drive by one day when I was out putting my MTB on my car and I knew that I had incoming... but before she could even get out of her car I asked if she was still with my replacement, when she said yes. I told her GOOD bye!... .and she shamefully got back in her car and drove away. I was in T and was getting stronger. Whenever I have these encounters it is really painful for me... .but I will not let her play her psycho triangulation games on me. It's mental illness, nothing more... .but it still is not easy to deal with in a split second. She has no intention of leaving my replacement... .It still hurts me... .but at this point, it's weird... I miss her, but at the same time, I have nothing to say to her. There was just too much emotional abuse... .way too much.

Thank you for sharing, Infared.  It is totally understandable how it would still hurt you.  For you to have conflictual feelings for her may seem weird to you, but considering the circumstances is quite normal.  I am curious why these encounters are painful for you?    

I just really, really loved her and her family. To have it all turn into what it did and to have to basically protect myself (set hardcore boundaries), well it's just not anything that I ever imagined that my relationship with her would turn into. It like a bad movie.
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« Reply #56 on: March 06, 2015, 11:05:13 PM »

JRT ... .I had a similar experience as you... .I didn't get the abuse until she got new supply and ran off.  God was it awful.  They are married now... .me absolute NC for years... .and she tries to chase me around parking lots, now! LOL! I will have NONE of that.  Mind your business and give it time.   They are mentally ill, and have absolutely no accountability about anything. Ever.  Being cool (click to insert in post)

Hi Infared.  Sounds like you have had an extremely rough go too.  I am curious, how long was it for your ex to come around to contacting you and chasing you in parking lots?

Well... .it's complicated... .she stared doing drive-byes about a year out of our relationship. I had bee total NC for at least 6-8 months. At about the year and 4 months point she did a quadruple drive by one day when I was out putting my MTB on my car and I knew that I had incoming... but before she could even get out of her car I asked if she was still with my replacement, when she said yes. I told her GOOD bye!... .and she shamefully got back in her car and drove away. I was in T and was getting stronger. Whenever I have these encounters it is really painful for me... .but I will not let her play her psycho triangulation games on me. It's mental illness, nothing more... .but it still is not easy to deal with in a split second. She has no intention of leaving my replacement... .It still hurts me... .but at this point, it's weird... I miss her, but at the same time, I have nothing to say to her. There was just too much emotional abuse... .way too much.

Thank you for sharing, Infared.  It is totally understandable how it would still hurt you.  For you to have conflictual feelings for her may seem weird to you, but considering the circumstances is quite normal.  I am curious why these encounters are painful for you?    

I just really, really loved her and her family. To have it all turn into what it did and to have to basically protect myself (set hardcore boundaries), well it's just not anything that I ever imagined that my relationship with her would turn into. It like a bad movie.

I can totally relate to where you are coming from, Infared.  It feels like I am living out a tragic movie with mine that I would never have conceived would ever happen.  She told me towards the beginning of our relationship that she wanted to compliment my life, not complicate it.  It's sad how it all got inverted by her in the end to become soo pathetically complicated.

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« Reply #57 on: March 06, 2015, 11:09:14 PM »

JRT ... .I had a similar experience as you... .I didn't get the abuse until she got new supply and ran off.  God was it awful.  They are married now... .me absolute NC for years... .and she tries to chase me around parking lots, now! LOL! I will have NONE of that.  Mind your business and give it time.   They are mentally ill, and have absolutely no accountability about anything. Ever.  Being cool (click to insert in post)

Hi Infared.  Sounds like you have had an extremely rough go too.  I am curious, how long was it for your ex to come around to contacting you and chasing you in parking lots?

Well... .it's complicated... .she stared doing drive-byes about a year out of our relationship. I had bee total NC for at least 6-8 months. At about the year and 4 months point she did a quadruple drive by one day when I was out putting my MTB on my car and I knew that I had incoming... but before she could even get out of her car I asked if she was still with my replacement, when she said yes. I told her GOOD bye!... .and she shamefully got back in her car and drove away. I was in T and was getting stronger. Whenever I have these encounters it is really painful for me... .but I will not let her play her psycho triangulation games on me. It's mental illness, nothing more... .but it still is not easy to deal with in a split second. She has no intention of leaving my replacement... .It still hurts me... .but at this point, it's weird... I miss her, but at the same time, I have nothing to say to her. There was just too much emotional abuse... .way too much.

Thank you for sharing, Infared.  It is totally understandable how it would still hurt you.  For you to have conflictual feelings for her may seem weird to you, but considering the circumstances is quite normal.  I am curious why these encounters are painful for you?    

I just really, really loved her and her family. To have it all turn into what it did and to have to basically protect myself (set hardcore boundaries), well it's just not anything that I ever imagined that my relationship with her would turn into. It like a bad movie.

I can totally relate to where you are coming from, Infared.  It feels like I am living out a tragic movie with mine that I would never have conceived would ever happen.  She told me towards the beginning of our relationship that she wanted to compliment my life, not complicate it.  It's sad how it all got inverted by her in the end to become soo pathetically complicated.

Does her contacting you in some way stir up these emotions of yours?

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« Reply #58 on: March 07, 2015, 06:03:38 AM »

JRT ... .I had a similar experience as you... .I didn't get the abuse until she got new supply and ran off.  God was it awful.  They are married now... .me absolute NC for years... .and she tries to chase me around parking lots, now! LOL! I will have NONE of that.  Mind your business and give it time.   They are mentally ill, and have absolutely no accountability about anything. Ever.  Being cool (click to insert in post)

Hi Infared.  Sounds like you have had an extremely rough go too.  I am curious, how long was it for your ex to come around to contacting you and chasing you in parking lots?

Well... .it's complicated... .she stared doing drive-byes about a year out of our relationship. I had bee total NC for at least 6-8 months. At about the year and 4 months point she did a quadruple drive by one day when I was out putting my MTB on my car and I knew that I had incoming... but before she could even get out of her car I asked if she was still with my replacement, when she said yes. I told her GOOD bye!... .and she shamefully got back in her car and drove away. I was in T and was getting stronger. Whenever I have these encounters it is really painful for me... .but I will not let her play her psycho triangulation games on me. It's mental illness, nothing more... .but it still is not easy to deal with in a split second. She has no intention of leaving my replacement... .It still hurts me... .but at this point, it's weird... I miss her, but at the same time, I have nothing to say to her. There was just too much emotional abuse... .way too much.

Thank you for sharing, Infared.  It is totally understandable how it would still hurt you.  For you to have conflictual feelings for her may seem weird to you, but considering the circumstances is quite normal.  I am curious why these encounters are painful for you?    

I just really, really loved her and her family. To have it all turn into what it did and to have to basically protect myself (set hardcore boundaries), well it's just not anything that I ever imagined that my relationship with her would turn into. It like a bad movie.

I can totally relate to where you are coming from, Infared.  It feels like I am living out a tragic movie with mine that I would never have conceived would ever happen.  She told me towards the beginning of our relationship that she wanted to compliment my life, not complicate it.  It's sad how it all got inverted by her in the end to become soo pathetically complicated.

Does her contacting you in some way stir up these emotions of yours?


It's just so twisted. I loved this woman. Made a home with her. I was deeply (unhealthily) connected to her and her family. I am also a very visual person. An artist. I have cut off all means of contact, but she lives in my town ( I think she may have recently moved, Thank God.). Now , if she sees me somewhere she may just decide to act immaturely if she is with new supply, like they see me and have to hug and kiss, like 7th graders? (They are 45 years old)?

If she is alone she may jockey all around, trying to accidentally "run into" me. It's totally psycho. Why does she think I would entertain talking to her after the way I have been treated? (Oh, maybe because she is the most self-centered person on the planet, and her immediate need is to want to talk to me. No respectful boundaries at all. No consideration of my feelings or that of the person she lives with?).Nothing good can come of me talking to her... .it's just insanity... .but actually seeing her just always makes me profoundly sad.  I guess my heart just can't sort it out... .but my mind has!
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« Reply #59 on: March 07, 2015, 08:26:12 AM »

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