Back to depression: Found a love letter she sent me, were these signs?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Dated October 28th, 2014, that was 3 days before I first broke up with my girlfriend... .of course if you can call it that. As many of you know, my story is of a high-school sweetheart turned BPD nightmare... .(we're both 19 years old now)

Well I've got the flu. So i've just been in my dorm all day, and by complete accident, I stumbled upon a love letter she sent me all those months ago.

It was such a heartfelt letter. I cried reading it.

And yet, I can't help but look back at it now, and I'm going to have say, I think I found kernels of what would soon devolve into her full-on BPD

Here's some of the things she wrote in that letter, I really want anyone reading this thread to tell me if they see the same thing I see in these statements.

1. I can't imagine my life without you Reece, and I'm so glad you're in it.

   *I cried at that part*  :'(

2. I love all of our deep conversations- and sweetheart, on that note, please don't ever be afraid to approach me, I want you to be able to come to me with anything, I promise to try and not enter Furball Mode

*And the memories continue. I used to joke about this, but whenever I would approach my ex with a serious topic, something critical of her, she went into a defensive mode, wherein I couldn't talk to her at all, one which I jokingly called "Furball" mode at the time.

If she really has BPD, why would she seriously tell me to never worry to approach her?


3. I love you Reece, and I love you Even though you screwed up

*June 2014 I slept with another girl in germany in a one-night stand. My ex would often remark that she "Stayed with me even though I screwed up" even months after the event.

4. You're my best friend, and you're the best friend I ever had

   *Yup I'm crying again*  :'(

5. *this isn't a quote from the letter* Basically, one of my exe's friends did something really crappy to her. My ex told me that "she didn't try to patch things up with her like she usually does" but she was "so glad she patched things up with me"

          Guys I feel so betrayed right now. Reading that letter... .I just can't express to y'all in words how much I hurt right now. I WAS her best friend. And I would have done anything for her... .And she took it all away from me. I hurt so much.

If you're reading those 5 points, and you see any signs of possible BPD in her statements.

Please let me know.

Thanks,



Reece

[Reecer1588]

Dated October 28th, 2014, that was 3 days before I first broke up with my girlfriend... .of course if you can call it that. As many of you know, my story is of a high-school sweetheart turned BPD nightmare... .(we're both 19 years old now)

Well I've got the flu. So i've just been in my dorm all day, and by complete accident, I stumbled upon a love letter she sent me all those months ago.

It was such a heartfelt letter. I cried reading it.

And yet, I can't help but look back at it now, and I'm going to have say, I think I found kernels of what would soon devolve into her full-on BPD

Here's some of the things she wrote in that letter, I really want anyone reading this thread to tell me if they see the same thing I see in these statements.

1. I can't imagine my life without you Reece, and I'm so glad you're in it.

   *I cried at that part*  :'(

2. I love all of our deep conversations- and sweetheart, on that note, please don't ever be afraid to approach me, I want you to be able to come to me with anything, I promise to try and not enter Furball Mode

*And the memories continue. I used to joke about this, but whenever I would approach my ex with a serious topic, something critical of her, she went into a defensive mode, wherein I couldn't talk to her at all, one which I jokingly called "Furball" mode at the time.

If she really has BPD, why would she seriously tell me to never worry to approach her?


3. I love you Reece, and I love you Even though you screwed up

*June 2014 I slept with another girl in germany in a one-night stand. My ex would often remark that she "Stayed with me even though I screwed up" even months after the event.

4. You're my best friend, and you're the best friend I ever had

   *Yup I'm crying again*  :'(

5. *this isn't a quote from the letter* Basically, one of my exe's friends did something really crappy to her. My ex told me that "she didn't try to patch things up with her like she usually does" but she was "so glad she patched things up with me"

          Guys I feel so betrayed right now. Reading that letter... .I just can't express to y'all in words how much I hurt right now. I WAS her best friend. And I would have done anything for her... .And she took it all away from me. I hurt so much.

If you're reading those 5 points, and you see any signs of possible BPD in her statements.

Please let me know.

Thanks,



Reece

[Reecer1588]

Well I finally stopped the waterworks. Looking forward to y'alls replies

have a good one

[Mr.Downtrodden]

I never cheated on my ex.  I told her I would / could never do that if I was in love with someone. Why would I even want to?

I believe this is one of the reasons she decided to enter a romantic relationship with me (we were friends first) andlove-bombed me in a seductive, not over the top way on our first romantic date.  She didn't have to worry that I'd stray. and it gave her the ability to do whatever she wanted without me knowing, and as long as i didn;t know, in her mind, what is the big deal?

Her exBf who had his own set of NPD traits from what she told me, cheated on her, and she would rage at him. Beat him. Of course, she cheated on him as well, hiding it most of the time.

BPDs who are hypersexual, like my ex, or have issues convinced of their partners cheating will always hold that card over your relationship if you cheat on them.  They may forgive in word, but they will always bring it up.  i had to listen whenever my ex was getting drunk about her awful ex BFs who did everything to her.

I believe your exGF tossed that in because it would always be a trigger for her, a way to emotionally slap you, while at the same time, alleviate any wrongdoings on her behalf, whatever they may be, because YOU cheated.

From what I've read, you really do not know if she did anything behind your back.  you may believe otherwise, but unless you have been with her for a long enough time to witness the downslide from idealization to complete devaluation, you just cannot trust her words.

Do not read those love letters.  They are just words. Written to influence and take hold of your heart.  To keep you HOPING.  They are not a true reflection of someone in love with a SO.  

[GrowThroughIt]

I never cheated on my ex.  I told her I would / could never do that if I was in love with someone. Why would I even want to?

I believe this is one of the reasons she decided to enter a romantic relationship with me (we were friends first) andlove-bombed me in a seductive, not over the top way on our first romantic date.  She didn't have to worry that I'd stray. and it gave her the ability to do whatever she wanted without me knowing, and as long as i didn;t know, in her mind, what is the big deal?

Her exBf who had his own set of NPD traits from what she told me, cheated on her, and she would rage at him. Beat him. Of course, she cheated on him as well, hiding it most of the time.

BPDs who are hypersexual, like my ex, or have issues convinced of their partners cheating will always hold that card over your relationship if you cheat on them.  They may forgive in word, but they will always bring it up.  i had to listen whenever my ex was getting drunk about her awful ex BFs who did everything to her.

I believe your exGF tossed that in because it would always be a trigger for her, a way to emotionally slap you, while at the same time, alleviate any wrongdoings on her behalf, whatever they may be, because YOU cheated.

From what I've read, you really do not know if she did anything behind your back.  you may believe otherwise, but unless you have been with her for a long enough time to witness the downslide from idealization to complete devaluation, you just cannot trust her words.

Do not read those love letters.  They are just words. Written to influence and take hold of your heart.  To keep you HOPING.  They are not a true reflection of someone in love with a SO.  

Yes and yes.

It sucks to think our emotions were so real and raw. But you have hit the nail on the head when it comes to the things they would say, with those few sentences!

My ex tried to dangle a carrot in front of my face and then make me jump through hoops. When I had realised that the carrot in question (ie the prospect of being with HER) was so... .mouldy and rotten, I eventually went no contact. How could I have ever loved a mouldy carrot? Ha, I guess I thought it was a freshly grown delicious carrot!