Feeling a little unsafe, exUWBPD inching closer, thoughts please

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hello,

I just learned my ex has taken a part-time job in my town. Let me give you a some background before I jump to present day concerns. I was with my ex for 11 months total. I moved in with her in her hometown 75 minutes away at her demand the last two months of the relationship. I gave up my job (which honestly I didn't like and I was l looking for another), my apartment, close proximity to my family and friends, and my community to make a go of it. She ended up breaking every promise she made to get me there, and I moved out suddenly (and without telling her) while she was at work. I moved out in July, 2013 back to my hometown, jobless and homeless. I stayed with friends until I could rebuild my life. I have been settled with a decent job for well over a year, and bought my very first home a little over a year ago.

I still cared deeply when I left and wanted so much for the relationship to work. The clincher to leaving so suddenly (without telling her) was her uncontrolled raging. On my last full day there, she left for work in a fury about money (completely unreasonable too), then made a special trip to come back a few minutes later to grab her pistol from the bedside nightstand without saying a word. I was gone with all of my belongings 24 hours later at the encouragement and help of some good friends. There was not a prior history of physical violence, and who knows what would have happened if I had stayed. I have run some checks, and there are no records of any arrests or police reports on her.

There was some intermittent contact after I left, but I would not give her my new phone number for several months. She would be considered extremely high functioning and holds a good job and is extremely savvy with her money. Less than 4 months after I left, she took a leave of absence and went to an outpatient treatment program for co-dependency and depression. She is a workaholic, so this was a huge thing for her to do. While she was in this program, her 50-year old sister (who was primary caretaker for their very unhealthy mother) died following a routine surgery. My ex is a nurse and was with her sister holding her hand when she died. I felt terrible for the ex and tried to be of some support, as safely as I could. We started spending some time together (nothing more than friends), and honestly it gave me another opportunity to take a look to see if there would ever be any possibility for another try. I saw there would be no opportunity. All because of her behavior. Lots of striking back with terrible things to say when she didn't get her way, and zero respect for any boundaries. She was in insanely jealous of my friends, etc, etc.

I let her think that she "broke off with me" last May, and at the encouragement of my therapist I was seeing, I ended the relationship for good. The recovery period was quite long, and I put myself on a dating website in June. The ex was on there and had been for a while, but she was not happy that I was on there. This spawned some angry emails from her (many demanding money, which I don't owe). I ended up sending an email to her in July stating that her behavior was menacing and completely unacceptable, and that I didn't want any further contact from her at all, including in person, mail, email, phone, etc. etc. I stated that if she persisted, I would have no choice but to contact the authorities. She sent a nasty reply that she wouldn't contact me again, but it was all my fault, etc.

I continued to get sporadic emails from her (still stating she wanted money she felt I owed). None were threatening per se, and I ended up blocking her emails for 4 months in order to continue to move on. I unblocked the first of the year to "get a pulse" (in other words, what is her state of mind, and do I need to be concerned for my safety). I received emails in January and February, one wanting money again, the second stating she prays every day that she will be over me). I blocked her again.

Earlier this week, a good friend that is still friends with her on Facebook gave me an update. He was torn, because I told him I don't want to know anything about her at all, and I do not want her to know anything about me, what I'm doing, etc. He told he she posted that she just accepted a part time job at a hospital in my city. This is nearby my office (and she does know who I work for). I decided to unblock her email again to see if she had anything to say. This came yesterday:

"I just wanted to tell you that (her departed sister's) case is going to trial. I was also telling (friend of hers) how much I still care for you. Crazy how I still think of you all of the time. I will be working part time on (hospital in my town). I don't want you to worry, I won't bother you if you don't want. I am loosing my overtime at (her full time job in her town) and am able to pick up shifts down there. Also, mom is living right next door (nursing home facility in my town). I hope you are doing well. I will always love you. I am sorry for all of my harsh words, I was in so much pain."

First, let me clarify I have no intention or desire to try to be her friend, let alone anything else. How concerned do I need to be, do you think? I feel that I need to be on high alert, and at the least, keep her email unblocked to get a pulse. So far she has not shown up unexpectedly at my house, but I think the distance factor helped with that. Now she has an excuse to be in my town more frequently, and I'm not happy about it, at all.

I have not filed any type of protective order and am torn about doing that at some point. But, I will do what I need to do. Thanks for any thoughts, advice, etc.

[Janewhi]

Hello,

I just learned my ex has taken a part-time job in my town. Let me give you a some background before I jump to present day concerns. I was with my ex for 11 months total. I moved in with her in her hometown 75 minutes away at her demand the last two months of the relationship. I gave up my job (which honestly I didn't like and I was l looking for another), my apartment, close proximity to my family and friends, and my community to make a go of it. She ended up breaking every promise she made to get me there, and I moved out suddenly (and without telling her) while she was at work. I moved out in July, 2013 back to my hometown, jobless and homeless. I stayed with friends until I could rebuild my life. I have been settled with a decent job for well over a year, and bought my very first home a little over a year ago.

I still cared deeply when I left and wanted so much for the relationship to work. The clincher to leaving so suddenly (without telling her) was her uncontrolled raging. On my last full day there, she left for work in a fury about money (completely unreasonable too), then made a special trip to come back a few minutes later to grab her pistol from the bedside nightstand without saying a word. I was gone with all of my belongings 24 hours later at the encouragement and help of some good friends. There was not a prior history of physical violence, and who knows what would have happened if I had stayed. I have run some checks, and there are no records of any arrests or police reports on her.

There was some intermittent contact after I left, but I would not give her my new phone number for several months. She would be considered extremely high functioning and holds a good job and is extremely savvy with her money. Less than 4 months after I left, she took a leave of absence and went to an outpatient treatment program for co-dependency and depression. She is a workaholic, so this was a huge thing for her to do. While she was in this program, her 50-year old sister (who was primary caretaker for their very unhealthy mother) died following a routine surgery. My ex is a nurse and was with her sister holding her hand when she died. I felt terrible for the ex and tried to be of some support, as safely as I could. We started spending some time together (nothing more than friends), and honestly it gave me another opportunity to take a look to see if there would ever be any possibility for another try. I saw there would be no opportunity. All because of her behavior. Lots of striking back with terrible things to say when she didn't get her way, and zero respect for any boundaries. She was in insanely jealous of my friends, etc, etc.

I let her think that she "broke off with me" last May, and at the encouragement of my therapist I was seeing, I ended the relationship for good. The recovery period was quite long, and I put myself on a dating website in June. The ex was on there and had been for a while, but she was not happy that I was on there. This spawned some angry emails from her (many demanding money, which I don't owe). I ended up sending an email to her in July stating that her behavior was menacing and completely unacceptable, and that I didn't want any further contact from her at all, including in person, mail, email, phone, etc. etc. I stated that if she persisted, I would have no choice but to contact the authorities. She sent a nasty reply that she wouldn't contact me again, but it was all my fault, etc.

I continued to get sporadic emails from her (still stating she wanted money she felt I owed). None were threatening per se, and I ended up blocking her emails for 4 months in order to continue to move on. I unblocked the first of the year to "get a pulse" (in other words, what is her state of mind, and do I need to be concerned for my safety). I received emails in January and February, one wanting money again, the second stating she prays every day that she will be over me). I blocked her again.

Earlier this week, a good friend that is still friends with her on Facebook gave me an update. He was torn, because I told him I don't want to know anything about her at all, and I do not want her to know anything about me, what I'm doing, etc. He told he she posted that she just accepted a part time job at a hospital in my city. This is nearby my office (and she does know who I work for). I decided to unblock her email again to see if she had anything to say. This came yesterday:

"I just wanted to tell you that (her departed sister's) case is going to trial. I was also telling (friend of hers) how much I still care for you. Crazy how I still think of you all of the time. I will be working part time on (hospital in my town). I don't want you to worry, I won't bother you if you don't want. I am loosing my overtime at (her full time job in her town) and am able to pick up shifts down there. Also, mom is living right next door (nursing home facility in my town). I hope you are doing well. I will always love you. I am sorry for all of my harsh words, I was in so much pain."

First, let me clarify I have no intention or desire to try to be her friend, let alone anything else. How concerned do I need to be, do you think? I feel that I need to be on high alert, and at the least, keep her email unblocked to get a pulse. So far she has not shown up unexpectedly at my house, but I think the distance factor helped with that. Now she has an excuse to be in my town more frequently, and I'm not happy about it, at all.

I have not filed any type of protective order and am torn about doing that at some point. But, I will do what I need to do. Thanks for any thoughts, advice, etc.