Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 06:27:39 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Orchestrated Arguments  (Read 352 times)
Maternus
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 254


« on: March 08, 2015, 07:48:26 PM »

Today I was thinking about an argument I had with my uBPDexgf. We were at her mothers house and it was a peaceful evening so far. She was talking with her mother in her mother's living room and I came in and she asked for my opinion on the subject they were talking about. I can't remember the topic, but it was nothing of importance, a movie or a book. I stated my opinion and my ex suddenly became vitriolic: "Why do you always have to be such a smartass?" I responded something like "I don't want to be a smartass. You asked me for my opinion and I answered your question. What is your problem?" She: "You're so haughty. I just asked a simple question and you used it to belittle me and show off your superiority." Her mother left the room saying something like "Settle it amongst yourself. I go to bed." My ex started a short silent treatment and went into the dining room, which was next to her mothers bedroom. We never stayed in the dining room after her mother was in bed. I asked her, if we can talk about it in the living room, but she said "I stay here, when you want to to talk to me, sit down next to me."

I sat down next to her and she blamed me for everything I did wrong in the relationship. I said "OK, your are annoyed, but can we talk about it tomorrow." But she did not stop to push me and the argument goes on and on and on in circles. In the end I felt so checkmate that I poked her shoulder with a finger and yelled "Why are you doing this to me?" and she screamed "You are beating me, this is physical abuse. You are like my ex-husband. Get out!"

This all happened about a year before she left me. I didn't know anything about BPD when we had that argument. But today I think, it was orchestrated by her, to initiate the smear campaign after the inescapable break-up. This was the only circumstance I was physically aggressive to her - and it was just a desperate attempt to push her away with a finger.

We had other arguments, but she never went so far, when there was no audience. But I think she is using this incident to tell her mother ":)o you remember that night in your house, when we had that argument in your dining room? Can you imagine how brutal he was, when there was no one around to witness?"

I was in a long term relationship and marriage before the relationship with my pwBPD  - more than 20 years - and we had far more serious problems than being a smartass about movies or books. Our arguments never went so far, that one of us felt so checkmate to get physical in any way.
Logged
Mutt
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced Oct 2015
Posts: 10395



WWW
« Reply #1 on: March 09, 2015, 10:27:29 AM »

Hi Maternus,

I can relate with an ex partner prompt arguments in front of family members particularly her parents, sometimes her sister and all of her family members.

We had other arguments, but she never went so far, when there was no audience. But I think she is using this incident to tell her mother ":)o you remember that night in your house, when we had that argument in your dining room? Can you imagine how brutal he was, when there was no one around to witness?"

A pwBPD will shift between all 3 roles of savior, persecutor and victim in a karpman drama triangle.
Logged

"Let go or be dragged" -Zen proverb
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!