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Author Topic: Orchestrated Arguments  (Read 496 times)
Maternus
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 254


« on: March 08, 2015, 07:48:26 PM »

Today I was thinking about an argument I had with my uBPDexgf. We were at her mothers house and it was a peaceful evening so far. She was talking with her mother in her mother's living room and I came in and she asked for my opinion on the subject they were talking about. I can't remember the topic, but it was nothing of importance, a movie or a book. I stated my opinion and my ex suddenly became vitriolic: "Why do you always have to be such a smartass?" I responded something like "I don't want to be a smartass. You asked me for my opinion and I answered your question. What is your problem?" She: "You're so haughty. I just asked a simple question and you used it to belittle me and show off your superiority." Her mother left the room saying something like "Settle it amongst yourself. I go to bed." My ex started a short silent treatment and went into the dining room, which was next to her mothers bedroom. We never stayed in the dining room after her mother was in bed. I asked her, if we can talk about it in the living room, but she said "I stay here, when you want to to talk to me, sit down next to me."

I sat down next to her and she blamed me for everything I did wrong in the relationship. I said "OK, your are annoyed, but can we talk about it tomorrow." But she did not stop to push me and the argument goes on and on and on in circles. In the end I felt so checkmate that I poked her shoulder with a finger and yelled "Why are you doing this to me?" and she screamed "You are beating me, this is physical abuse. You are like my ex-husband. Get out!"

This all happened about a year before she left me. I didn't know anything about BPD when we had that argument. But today I think, it was orchestrated by her, to initiate the smear campaign after the inescapable break-up. This was the only circumstance I was physically aggressive to her - and it was just a desperate attempt to push her away with a finger.

We had other arguments, but she never went so far, when there was no audience. But I think she is using this incident to tell her mother ":)o you remember that night in your house, when we had that argument in your dining room? Can you imagine how brutal he was, when there was no one around to witness?"

I was in a long term relationship and marriage before the relationship with my pwBPD  - more than 20 years - and we had far more serious problems than being a smartass about movies or books. Our arguments never went so far, that one of us felt so checkmate to get physical in any way.
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Mutt
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced Oct 2015
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« Reply #1 on: March 09, 2015, 10:27:29 AM »

Hi Maternus,

I can relate with an ex partner prompt arguments in front of family members particularly her parents, sometimes her sister and all of her family members.

We had other arguments, but she never went so far, when there was no audience. But I think she is using this incident to tell her mother ":)o you remember that night in your house, when we had that argument in your dining room? Can you imagine how brutal he was, when there was no one around to witness?"

A pwBPD will shift between all 3 roles of savior, persecutor and victim in a karpman drama triangle.
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