Have you ever tried forewarning your replacement?

[raisins3142]

I would warn someone that I knew personally if I saw him becoming involved with my BPDexgf. A stranger, no. I also would not just tell him that "she's crazy." That type of warning, to me, seems like blaming. So, it would have to be a carefully thought out warning with examples of what to look for as the relationship progressed. Even during idealization you can give examples of this is what he/she did/said that will represent similarity between the broken relationship and the new relationship thereby building confidence between the warner and the warned.

If I had received the aforementioned type of warning in the initial stages of the failed relationship with my BPDexgf, I would have listened. Would that alone caused me to terminate the relationship, no. Would I have started looking for what I had been foretold was coming my way (forewarned about), yes indeed. Unfortunately, I was never forewarned and boarded the rollercoaster with a big smile on my face.

Actually, now that I think about it. I did get warnings that my ex was "crazy". Not from one of her ex's, but rather from male family members. Her son always told me she was crazy and still does. And her brother and step brother told me she was crazy in the 1st year of so of our relationship. I think everyone in the family knows there's something off with her but they just look the other way. It's really a shame too, because I really did like her family and we got along pretty well and we still do when I see them.

During idealization, mine told me herself she was crazy. I'm not sure why she would do this.  Of course, I ignored it then.

[iluminati]

My short answer is no and why?

My long answer is that it's difficult to come up with a good warning.  Since people have different personalities, what would have a big deal to you isn't a problem for someone else and vice versa.  Even if you could communicate quickly and effectively, they might not hear your message anyway.  In other words, you have to let them figure things out for themselves.

[Invictus01]

I would warn someone that I knew personally if I saw him becoming involved with my BPDexgf. A stranger, no. I also would not just tell him that "she's crazy." That type of warning, to me, seems like blaming. So, it would have to be a carefully thought out warning with examples of what to look for as the relationship progressed. Even during idealization you can give examples of this is what he/she did/said that will represent similarity between the broken relationship and the new relationship thereby building confidence between the warner and the warned.

If I had received the aforementioned type of warning in the initial stages of the failed relationship with my BPDexgf, I would have listened. Would that alone caused me to terminate the relationship, no. Would I have started looking for what I had been foretold was coming my way (forewarned about), yes indeed. Unfortunately, I was never forewarned and boarded the rollercoaster with a big smile on my face.

Actually, now that I think about it. I did get warnings that my ex was "crazy". Not from one of her ex's, but rather from male family members. Her son always told me she was crazy and still does. And her brother and step brother told me she was crazy in the 1st year of so of our relationship. I think everyone in the family knows there's something off with her but they just look the other way. It's really a shame too, because I really did like her family and we got along pretty well and we still do when I see them.

Funny story. After my BPD run away, my best friend told me that after while, just about every our mutual female friend who knew her was urging him to talk some sense into me and get me away from her because something was off with her and some things just weren't adding up. When I told his wife that I thought something was off mentally with her (I was just learning all this personality disorder stuff), she told me "I could have told you this months ago. Something was weird about her" Of course, I had any common sense love bombed out of me to see all that. Now, from time to time, I would get a feeling that something was off, but I'd dismiss it. Mind you, she was a highly functioning sharp individual, running a multi million dollar restaurant, so it was rather hard for me to believe that something cold possibly be mentally off with her... .

[fred6]

I would warn someone that I knew personally if I saw him becoming involved with my BPDexgf. A stranger, no. I also would not just tell him that "she's crazy." That type of warning, to me, seems like blaming. So, it would have to be a carefully thought out warning with examples of what to look for as the relationship progressed. Even during idealization you can give examples of this is what he/she did/said that will represent similarity between the broken relationship and the new relationship thereby building confidence between the warner and the warned.

If I had received the aforementioned type of warning in the initial stages of the failed relationship with my BPDexgf, I would have listened. Would that alone caused me to terminate the relationship, no. Would I have started looking for what I had been foretold was coming my way (forewarned about), yes indeed. Unfortunately, I was never forewarned and boarded the rollercoaster with a big smile on my face.

Actually, now that I think about it. I did get warnings that my ex was "crazy". Not from one of her ex's, but rather from male family members. Her son always told me she was crazy and still does. And her brother and step brother told me she was crazy in the 1st year of so of our relationship. I think everyone in the family knows there's something off with her but they just look the other way. It's really a shame too, because I really did like her family and we got along pretty well and we still do when I see them.

During idealization, mine told me herself she was crazy. I'm not sure why she would do this.  Of course, I ignored it then.

Yep, mine too. But then she would say, "crazy in a good way". My question now is, "Is there any kind of good crazy?"

Thats a big negatory your honor!

[Clawly85]

I would warn someone that I knew personally if I saw him becoming involved with my BPDexgf. A stranger, no. I also would not just tell him that "she's crazy." That type of warning, to me, seems like blaming. So, it would have to be a carefully thought out warning with examples of what to look for as the relationship progressed. Even during idealization you can give examples of this is what he/she did/said that will represent similarity between the broken relationship and the new relationship thereby building confidence between the warner and the warned.

If I had received the aforementioned type of warning in the initial stages of the failed relationship with my BPDexgf, I would have listened. Would that alone caused me to terminate the relationship, no. Would I have started looking for what I had been foretold was coming my way (forewarned about), yes indeed. Unfortunately, I was never forewarned and boarded the rollercoaster with a big smile on my face.

I'm a very confrontational person and have no problem going up to people and either calling them out on their crap or putting them on the spot and catching them completely off guard.

I approached my replacement the one and only time I saw her in my local supermarket parking lot (Recognized her by her pictures on social media.) I went up to her, introduced myself, shook her hand and asked if she knew of me. It didn't register with her at first and then it did. I started by asking her "Are you aware that "x" is mentally ill? He's BPD and Bipolar, are you aware of that?" She smirked, rolled her eyes at me and then tried to walk away from me. I said to her "He's mentally ill and hid it from me. I don't want to see what happened to me and to his last two g'fs "x" and "y" happen to you. You need to know this. You really need to know what you're dealing with."  She smirked, rolled her eyes "Okay'd" me and then walked away. I said to her "He has a history of trying to commit suicide and threw himself in the middle of the "x" road 3 months before I met him, was hospitalized and put on meds that he stopped... .NO ONE TOLD ME BECAUSE EVERYONE THOUGHT I KNEW AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS."

She "OKAY'd" me and walked away. That was it.  I didn't come across as a lunatic, jealous ex gf by any means. I was very diplomatic, polite and assertive. She looked at me like "yeah, he told me that you'd say that - you're the one that's nuts."

She's still with him 4-5 months later after I encountered her - actually living with him. As far as I'm concerned, she's either an idiot or there is something mentally wrong with her too. I'm sorry but you don't disregard something like this. I don't think someone would randomly make this up.

[raisins3142]

I would warn someone that I knew personally if I saw him becoming involved with my BPDexgf. A stranger, no. I also would not just tell him that "she's crazy." That type of warning, to me, seems like blaming. So, it would have to be a carefully thought out warning with examples of what to look for as the relationship progressed. Even during idealization you can give examples of this is what he/she did/said that will represent similarity between the broken relationship and the new relationship thereby building confidence between the warner and the warned.

If I had received the aforementioned type of warning in the initial stages of the failed relationship with my BPDexgf, I would have listened. Would that alone caused me to terminate the relationship, no. Would I have started looking for what I had been foretold was coming my way (forewarned about), yes indeed. Unfortunately, I was never forewarned and boarded the rollercoaster with a big smile on my face.

Actually, now that I think about it. I did get warnings that my ex was "crazy". Not from one of her ex's, but rather from male family members. Her son always told me she was crazy and still does. And her brother and step brother told me she was crazy in the 1st year of so of our relationship. I think everyone in the family knows there's something off with her but they just look the other way. It's really a shame too, because I really did like her family and we got along pretty well and we still do when I see them.

During idealization, mine told me herself she was crazy. I'm not sure why she would do this.  Of course, I ignored it then.

Yep, mine too. But then she would say, "crazy in a good way". My question now is, "Is there any kind of good crazy?"

Thats a big negatory your honor!

Mine has all these pinterest memes about "being okay with your own craziness" and "find someone as crazy as you" etc.

She would try to act like I was like her and she could read my emotions or something.  I never was and she never could.

[raisins3142]

I would warn someone that I knew personally if I saw him becoming involved with my BPDexgf. A stranger, no. I also would not just tell him that "she's crazy." That type of warning, to me, seems like blaming. So, it would have to be a carefully thought out warning with examples of what to look for as the relationship progressed. Even during idealization you can give examples of this is what he/she did/said that will represent similarity between the broken relationship and the new relationship thereby building confidence between the warner and the warned.

If I had received the aforementioned type of warning in the initial stages of the failed relationship with my BPDexgf, I would have listened. Would that alone caused me to terminate the relationship, no. Would I have started looking for what I had been foretold was coming my way (forewarned about), yes indeed. Unfortunately, I was never forewarned and boarded the rollercoaster with a big smile on my face.

Actually, now that I think about it. I did get warnings that my ex was "crazy". Not from one of her ex's, but rather from male family members. Her son always told me she was crazy and still does. And her brother and step brother told me she was crazy in the 1st year of so of our relationship. I think everyone in the family knows there's something off with her but they just look the other way. It's really a shame too, because I really did like her family and we got along pretty well and we still do when I see them.

Funny story. After my BPD run away, my best friend told me that after while, just about every our mutual female friend who knew her was urging him to talk some sense into me and get me away from her because something was off with her and some things just weren't adding up. When I told his wife that I thought something was off mentally with her (I was just learning all this personality disorder stuff), she told me "I could have told you this months ago. Something was weird about her" Of course, I had any common sense love bombed out of me to see all that. Now, from time to time, I would get a feeling that something was off, but I'd dismiss it. Mind you, she was a highly functioning sharp individual, running a multi million dollar restaurant, so it was rather hard for me to believe that something cold possibly be mentally off with her... .

The first time she met my parents, my father told my mother "there is something off with her, and I hope I am wrong here, but I don't trust her and think she will hurt raisins3142."

Wow.

The first time she met a good friend of mine, he and I were talking and she wasn't the center of attention for 15 minutes.

She then took off her socks so that her multiple top of the foot tattoos were exposed and said "when I get full of energy, I just like to prance around a bit sometimes!"  She then proceeded to stand on her tip toes and walk around the room dramatically with a big smile on her face kicking her tatttooed feet up in the air.  This went on for like 5 or 10 minutes until we stopped talking and started making funny comments about her and she was satisfied that she was getting all the attention again.  My friend looked at me like "what kind of crazy woman did you bring to my house?"  That was the first and only time she mentioned her tendency to spontaneously prance or did any prancing.  He still brings that up with a laugh.

Sounds like a ridiculous sketch comedy in hindsight.

[raisins3142]

I would warn someone that I knew personally if I saw him becoming involved with my BPDexgf. A stranger, no. I also would not just tell him that "she's crazy." That type of warning, to me, seems like blaming. So, it would have to be a carefully thought out warning with examples of what to look for as the relationship progressed. Even during idealization you can give examples of this is what he/she did/said that will represent similarity between the broken relationship and the new relationship thereby building confidence between the warner and the warned.

If I had received the aforementioned type of warning in the initial stages of the failed relationship with my BPDexgf, I would have listened. Would that alone caused me to terminate the relationship, no. Would I have started looking for what I had been foretold was coming my way (forewarned about), yes indeed. Unfortunately, I was never forewarned and boarded the rollercoaster with a big smile on my face.

I'm a very confrontational person and have no problem going up to people and either calling them out on their crap or putting them on the spot and catching them completely off guard.

I approached my replacement the one and only time I saw her in my local supermarket parking lot (Recognized her by her pictures on social media.) I went up to her, introduced myself, shook her hand and asked if she knew of me. It didn't register with her at first and then it did. I started by asking her "Are you aware that "x" is mentally ill? He's BPD and Bipolar, are you aware of that?" She smirked, rolled her eyes at me and then tried to walk away from me. I said to her "He's mentally ill and hid it from me. I don't want to see what happened to me and to his last two g'fs "x" and "y" happen to you. You need to know this. You really need to know what you're dealing with."  She smirked, rolled her eyes "Okay'd" me and then walked away. I said to her "He has a history of trying to commit suicide and threw himself in the middle of the "x" road 3 months before I met him, was hospitalized and put on meds that he stopped... .NO ONE TOLD ME BECAUSE EVERYONE THOUGHT I KNEW AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS."

She "OKAY'd" me and walked away. That was it.  I didn't come across as a lunatic, jealous ex gf by any means. I was very diplomatic, polite and assertive. She looked at me like "yeah, he told me that you'd say that - you're the one that's nuts."

She's still with him 4-5 months later after I encountered her - actually living with him. As far as I'm concerned, she's either an idiot or there is something mentally wrong with her too. I'm sorry but you don't disregard something like this. I don't think someone would randomly make this up.

I get what you are saying, but in honesty, it could go either way.

It would definitely pique my interest and make me read a bit and look for signs.  But I would also ask my significant other and probably allow them to allay my fears.  That is if I was in the idealization phase and they had not yet showed sufficient red flags.

When you come up to someone like that as a stranger and tell them something they don't want to hear or haven't yet experienced, then it sets up a cognitive dissonance.  That makes people uncomfortable and they tend to want to unload those feelings.

And I'll disagree.  People do make stuff up to be vindictive towards exes.  These boards are full of stories about that.  I'm not saying that you did that, I know you were honest.  But I've been lied to enough that I don't just believe people, especially when they could have an ulterior motive.

And even if I was concerned, if an ex of my SO came up to me, I would also likely say "Ok" and then try to get away and maybe look up more later.  Last thing I would do in that situation is ask them for coffee and talk to them in depth.

This is just normal human reactions as far as my perspective goes.  I'm sorry if it isn't exactly what you want to hear.

I think you did do a virtuous thing.  But, no deed is so good as to go unpunished.

[nowwhatz]

I would like to forewarn my exgf about herself!

But I am still busy forewarning myself so I never take her back again.