I logged into his email account...

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I've been so good since going NC. I hadn't even been that tempted to see if he had changed his email password. Until tonight... .

It's been over 45 days since we went NC. Then he broke NC last Monday with an "I miss you" email. I still have been strong in that (at least )and haven't emailed him back.

Tonight I logged into his email and saw he still has my email saved with my pet name instead of my real name. He hasn't deleted the email out of his sent folder that he sent me last Monday.

I did see one email in his trash folder from my replacement that he was lining up while we were still together. It said, "Hey good lookin! I miss you." That was from her to him.

That was Feb 5th, 20 days after our breakup.

Feb 10th I see he bought some perfume for her.

Then March 2nd I get the "I miss you and not a day goes by that I don't think of you" email.

These people are seriously F'd up!

This was the girl he was playing Scrabble with online and lying about playing with.

Even when I knew he was playing with her he lied to me and said he wasn't when I asked him.

He had a Facebook account and then took it down a few months ago. I saw he also had messages in his trash folder about creating a new Facebook account. It had the replacement, one guy and a mutual guy friend of ours listed as his only friends. His account is totally public at this point. I went into my account and looked him up and blocked him.

Seeing her email to him, knowing he's been spending time with her and buying her perfume makes me extremely glad I didn't respond to that email! And makes me realize from the nausea I felt while reading through his email account that the pain is still way to fresh and keeping NC is really best for me right now.

[FlSunshineGirl]

I've been so good since going NC. I hadn't even been that tempted to see if he had changed his email password. Until tonight... .

It's been over 45 days since we went NC. Then he broke NC last Monday with an "I miss you" email. I still have been strong in that (at least )and haven't emailed him back.

Tonight I logged into his email and saw he still has my email saved with my pet name instead of my real name. He hasn't deleted the email out of his sent folder that he sent me last Monday.

I did see one email in his trash folder from my replacement that he was lining up while we were still together. It said, "Hey good lookin! I miss you." That was from her to him.

That was Feb 5th, 20 days after our breakup.

Feb 10th I see he bought some perfume for her.

Then March 2nd I get the "I miss you and not a day goes by that I don't think of you" email.

These people are seriously F'd up!

This was the girl he was playing Scrabble with online and lying about playing with.

Even when I knew he was playing with her he lied to me and said he wasn't when I asked him.

He had a Facebook account and then took it down a few months ago. I saw he also had messages in his trash folder about creating a new Facebook account. It had the replacement, one guy and a mutual guy friend of ours listed as his only friends. His account is totally public at this point. I went into my account and looked him up and blocked him.

Seeing her email to him, knowing he's been spending time with her and buying her perfume makes me extremely glad I didn't respond to that email! And makes me realize from the nausea I felt while reading through his email account that the pain is still way to fresh and keeping NC is really best for me right now.

[Mutt]

What tempted?

[FlSunshineGirl]

Since he emailed me out of the blue on March 2nd and said how much he missed me, yet I knew he was spending all this time with another girl... .I was curious what they were saying via email (ex: miss you, love you, can't wait to see you this weekend... .) so I was curious if they were in the honeymoon phase or if there was trouble in paradose so that's why he contacted me.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey FlSunshine, I suggest that you pay more attention to your gut feelings.  The "nausea [you] felt while reading his email account" was probably an indication that, on some level, you knew that it was not a good idea.  Your tapping into his email strikes me as odd, because it is the type of obsessive behavior that is more typical of someone with BPD than of a Non.  Nevertheless, you gave in to the temptation.  Perhaps this episode is something worth looking at for what it says about your state of mind?  LuckyJim

[FlSunshineGirl]

Thank you for your comments. I agree, I am having a hard time with obsessing over some of the words that were said and his actions, and me looking at his email was for me to know what the truth was since I caught him in lies.  I don't have BPD. :-)

More of a self protective thing. He had given me all his passwords and free reign before to look at his email and such. He has a history of cheating and that was one of my deal breakers. So a way for me to see he was being faithful and know what he was up to. Was curious if behind the scenes he was telling her he loved her and then still sending me "I miss you"

to try to line me back up as a replacement incase she failed.

But, I'm seeing my therapist this week to work on my issues.

I don't have healthy boundaries and should have better self esteem. Definitely codependent issues and a rescuer. My parents are both long time alcoholics.

So I know I deserve better. Shouldn't have put up with the things that I did and not for as long as I did. Why I fell for his manipulatin and letting myself be sucked back into a very sick relationship when I knew I shouldn't. I'm working on these to get myself in a healthier place.

[Mutt]

I'm sorry to hear what you had to go through with your parents.

Don't be hard on yourself.

Many members have a hard time and peeked at their ex partners stuff like social media, including myself. I think what's important is you had courage to post that you checked his email, your going to see a T which will be huge help for you.

So a way for me to see he was being faithful and know what he was up to. Was curious if behind the scenes he was telling her he loved her and then still sending me "I miss you"

I struggled with clinging to the words that where said and there were so many words said throughout the relationship. It was hard and took time and I had to let go of all of the words. I had to look at the actions;  it contradicted her words which she expressed without thought to consequences, the truth lies there.

So I know I deserve better.

You're on the right track.

[nowwhatz]

I'm sorry to hear what you had to go through with your parents.

Don't be hard on yourself.

Many members have a hard time and peeked at their ex partners stuff like social media, including myself. I think what's important is you had courage to post that you checked his email, your going to see a T which will be huge help for you.

So a way for me to see he was being faithful and know what he was up to. Was curious if behind the scenes he was telling her he loved her and then still sending me "I miss you"

I struggled with clinging to the words that where said and there were so many words said throughout the relationship. It was hard and took time and I had to let go of all of the words. I had to look at the actions;  it contradicted her words which she expressed without thought to consequences, the truth lies there.

So I know I deserve better.

You're on the right track.

FLsunshine,

I agree with Mutt very much.  I am struggling with the same thing... .I take a peak at her FB page which is mostly open to me every now and then. Not sure why. I am a little ocd and when I talked with a therapist about this a couple of years ago she said I had absolutely no BPD traits.   

These r/s are super tough to shake. My boundaries during the r/s were pathetic. Now that the r/s is over I can't expect myself to be a robot and be 100% nc every day... .but it is getting a little easier.    Unless we lock ourselves into a controlled environment when a 24 hour monitor it is all on us.

It is so inspiring to see that many can go through this never breaking NC but all of us are a little different. I am used to limited contact and made it a matter of principle in the past... .not easy to change to NC.

I think you are doing really well!

[FlSunshineGirl]

Mutt,

Thank you so much for your kind words! They helped me greatly. :-)

I've always been my own worst critic. :-(

What you said here... .

"I struggled with clinging to the words that where said and there were so many words said throughout the relationship. It was hard and took time and I had to let go of all of the words. I had to look at the actions;  it contradicted her words which she expressed without thought to consequences, the truth lies there."

... .is exactly right. I need to let go of the words. All the love bombing words that were an overstatement of what he felt. I need to keep in mind some of the rude comments he said, like two different times when he said, "it looks like you have a mustache" when I'm sure he was saying it because he was devaluing me and making himself feel better while trying to make me feel self conscious. He also told me he said that to his mom before! Which he had a very tumultuous relationship with. And the time he and I were doing this reading plan together and I got off track and behind in the reading and he told me I would never finish it without him.

I need to see and remind myself about those actions! Love isn't suppose to bring down and belittle... .love is suppose to uplift and support.

I had my appointment today with my T and it went very well.

Thanks again Mutt! You've given me a lot to think about!

I appreciate it!

- Sunshine

[FlSunshineGirl]

And thank YOU TOO nowwhatz!

Like you, I've had pathetic boundaries but now that I'm aware, I'm able to work on having better ones.

It feels good to know I'm not the only one who has peeked at things from the ex.

I hope we all can get the healing we need to really move past the trauma of the relationships we all have experienced and find the love we deserve with people who are able to receive it and return it to us!

Big hugs for Mutt and nowwhatz!

- Sunshine

[Mutt]

I'm sure he was saying it because he was devaluing me and making himself feel better while trying to make me feel self conscious.

I'm happy your T session went very well, it helps to talk.

His devaluations are his negative feelings he projects.

Don’t let others opinions define you

Hang in there  


----Mutt

[FlSunshineGirl]

Thank you Mutt!

Trying hard to not let that happen.