6 weeks NC , today having the urge to break it hepl please ?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi everyone ,

It's been a while since I posted , for those who don't know my case 5 years RS 7Months since Break up .

I have decided after 5 months BU and LC , she absolutely hid the fact that she was dating someone I thought I had chance to reconcile but at the end of Jan I have a conversation with her over the phone and finally she said he got engaged at Christmas.

I sent her an email wishing her good luck and went NC since  Mid Jan , she broke it once 3 weeks ago asking me for financial help , di not reply at all .

I don't  know why I am still hoping to get a call or a text  from her regretting her decision .

Btw I am doing a whole lot better , but don't seem to be able to date yet .

Any thoughts or advises as I feel I want to break NC but I really don't want to .

[guy4caligirl]

Hi everyone ,

It's been a while since I posted , for those who don't know my case 5 years RS 7Months since Break up .

I have decided after 5 months BU and LC , she absolutely hid the fact that she was dating someone I thought I had chance to reconcile but at the end of Jan I have a conversation with her over the phone and finally she said he got engaged at Christmas.

I sent her an email wishing her good luck and went NC since  Mid Jan , she broke it once 3 weeks ago asking me for financial help , di not reply at all .

I don't  know why I am still hoping to get a call or a text  from her regretting her decision .

Btw I am doing a whole lot better , but don't seem to be able to date yet .

Any thoughts or advises as I feel I want to break NC but I really don't want to .

[JPH]

About dating again, just give it time. You need time to heal from any relationship breakup, but it's especially true after dating a personality disordered individual.

I know you want to contact her and that you want the communication to be positive. However, look at the reasoning behind her recent efforts to contact you. It was all about her. She needed something from you, and she felt that you'd be gullible enough to be her personal ATM. Rest assured her communications had nothing to do with actually realizing her mistake(s) and turning over a new leaf. There was a guy on a message board years ago when I was in the throes of a BPD breakup - his names was James something or other. Anyway, he frequently reminded us that our ex-BPDs are "proven sources of misery" and that there should be no surprise when we backslide and experience the same disappointment we've already come to know with them. I think that's what you should hold onto - although you wish it could be different you already know it won't be. She'll only disappoint you again.

Stay strong and congrats on the time during which you've maintained no contact. I know that hasn't been easy.

[FrenchConnection]

I'm 67 days into NC and i'm committed to go a full 90.  I also challenge you a full 90 days of NC.  I also have moments where i want her to break NC just so i can hear how she is doing.  But i know it's not a good thing.  I need time to heal and to move on and breaking NC can erase all the work i've done to repair me from this relationship. 

So stay strong.  Keep NC.  I went through 3 recycles with my exBPD person.  The outcome will always be the same.  So i have decided to respect myself and do what is right for me.  You know you have to do the same thing for you.

Dating will come when you are ready.  Don't feel the need to rush it.  Find a good friend or some family to hang out with and talk.

You are definitely not alone in your struggles. 

Lets keep walking this road to recovery together.

[hope2727]

DON"T TOUCH THE KRYPTONITE! I did and it was a disaster. Just don't do it its not worth the pain. Its like playing snakes and ladders but when you touch the krypotonite you slide all the way back to square one. Read some other peoples posts who have done it and see how they suffered. That always helps me.

Stay strong. Hugs 

[hoaianhcameron]

I totally understand how the urge push you right now. I had it! I broke the NC just to find out another terrible truth of him painted me black... .and there came another heart bleed that made me discipline my NC strictly until now (more than 1 month) 

[Infared]

It's a painful place to be, but contacting her will most likely just be boatloads of pain for you.

Let's look at the facts that you stated.

1. She hid from you that she was dating someone.

2. She hid from you that she got engaged. (After 7 months? Coming out of long term relationship?)

3. She contacts YOU for money.

I am in the bleachers here. I see a very deceptive, self-centered person from where I am sitting.  I see nothing but possibility of triangulation and attempts to manipulate you for her own needs if you make contact. You are extremely vulnerable. She is in a commited relationship.

Moving forward and healing is tough stuff... .but she is engaged. That is a huge action on her part that really takes you out of the picture. My emotions were so raw and I was so devastated that I had a difficult time seeing these realities right in front of my face, too. A therapist helped me sort this out, because I just could not, would not see it. I really needed that caring outside perspective to help set my head straight... .

I really needed to get away from this unhealthy person "for me" before I could start my healing process.  It takes time and patience with ourselves. Tough stuff, but we can have some real personal growth. I wish you well.