Normal people don't do this right?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My exgf was never diagnosed with BPD, mainly because she never saw a therapist. The therapist she is seeing now is more of a counselor at our church and I really don't think that he knows what BPD is. I say that she has BPD because of what bmy therapist told me when I first started counseling after our first major recycle.

Anyway, I can't seem to shake the thoughts that maybe I blew things out of proportion. So let me ask a few questions.

Do normal people start living with a new person less than a month after we broke up? Especially when she was the one that initiated the break and then followed up with crying and wanting me back. Saying that she couldn't live without me. We were together for 3 years and about to get engaged.

Do normal people switch from saying that they would wait for you and remain committed only to find the new guy a week later?

Does a normal person go from meeting a guy and within three dates have him stay at her house for the weekend and introduce him to her daughter the very next weekend?

Does a normal person just say "sorry" when you find out that this is going on and stand in front of her crying and asking how she can do this? And then say I nknow it is hard for you but I am moving on and you will be ok.

Does a normal person then try to keep contact because they want to be friends?

Then starts contacting you to say that she misses you and loves you but she is so confused because the new guy is nice and he doesn't deserve any of this. This meaning her wanting to come back to me.

Does a normal person choose a relationship based on the fact that he is nice and his family likes her while she supposedly loved me with all her heart and soul but may family and my ex wife were triggers to her?

This is just the recent stuff, before the break up, there was the Many recycles or threatening to break up, love me one second then angry and vindictive the next because I didnt do something right. I was her knight in shining armor then she would be cold as ice.

[downnout98]

My exgf was never diagnosed with BPD, mainly because she never saw a therapist. The therapist she is seeing now is more of a counselor at our church and I really don't think that he knows what BPD is. I say that she has BPD because of what bmy therapist told me when I first started counseling after our first major recycle.

Anyway, I can't seem to shake the thoughts that maybe I blew things out of proportion. So let me ask a few questions.

Do normal people start living with a new person less than a month after we broke up? Especially when she was the one that initiated the break and then followed up with crying and wanting me back. Saying that she couldn't live without me. We were together for 3 years and about to get engaged.

Do normal people switch from saying that they would wait for you and remain committed only to find the new guy a week later?

Does a normal person go from meeting a guy and within three dates have him stay at her house for the weekend and introduce him to her daughter the very next weekend?

Does a normal person just say "sorry" when you find out that this is going on and stand in front of her crying and asking how she can do this? And then say I nknow it is hard for you but I am moving on and you will be ok.

Does a normal person then try to keep contact because they want to be friends?

Then starts contacting you to say that she misses you and loves you but she is so confused because the new guy is nice and he doesn't deserve any of this. This meaning her wanting to come back to me.

Does a normal person choose a relationship based on the fact that he is nice and his family likes her while she supposedly loved me with all her heart and soul but may family and my ex wife were triggers to her?

This is just the recent stuff, before the break up, there was the Many recycles or threatening to break up, love me one second then angry and vindictive the next because I didnt do something right. I was her knight in shining armor then she would be cold as ice.

[JRT]

Not at all!

[JPH]

Imagine if you were someone else  - someone who knows neither you or your ex - and you read your questions. Now, how would that objective third party answer? I'll tell you how. NO. TO ALL QUESTIONS. Absolutely not. No way. No how. There's nothing normal about anyone who would do the things that you describe and treat another person so badly. You are totally correct, and there's no reason to second-guess yourself. I'm sorry you've gone through that. I've been there. Twice. You deserve far better. We all do.

[Infared]

Right!

[downwhim]

I am sure you are in a great deal of pain and I am so sorry for that. I have been there too and none of that is normal. They are not normal.

[downnout98]

Thank you all. There are times that I start to second guess the things that have happened in our relationship and wonder if my exBPDgf was right. My family and even my exwife would try and point some of these things out, but I normally wouldn't listen. That is why my exBPDgf hated them so much. She felt that they were trying to tear us apart, when in reality they were just trying to help me.

[Infared]

Thank you all. There are times that I start to second guess the things that have happened in our relationship and wonder if my exBPDgf was right. My family and even my exwife would try and point some of these things out, but I normally wouldn't listen. That is why my exBPDgf hated them so much. She felt that they were trying to tear us apart, when in reality they were just trying to help me.

In some measure I think that BPD's pick sensitive, vulnerable people. We are easier prey. We need to get strong and to protect and love ourselves. For me it was hard work with a T. I had to focus on me and how I got into that mess. I had a huge part in it!

[going places]

My exgf was never diagnosed with BPD, mainly because she never saw a therapist. The therapist she is seeing now is more of a counselor at our church and I really don't think that he knows what BPD is. I say that she has BPD because of what bmy therapist told me when I first started counseling after our first major recycle.

Pastoral counseling is NOT prepared to deal with depression, PTSD or PD's of any kind.

They are not educated, equippted, or prepared to help a person who has a medical /pd diagnosis.

Trust me, the pastor can do MORE damage than good... .

Anyway, I can't seem to shake the thoughts that maybe I blew things out of proportion. So let me ask a few questions.

Do normal people start living with a new person less than a month after we broke up? Especially when she was the one that initiated the break and then followed up with crying and wanting me back. Saying that she couldn't live without me. We were together for 3 years and about to get engaged.

I find it interesting that she is seeking pastoral counseling yet 'living w a man' she barely knows?

Anyway... .no that's not normal (healthy) moving in with a complete stranger.

Do normal people switch from saying that they would wait for you and remain committed only to find the new guy a week later?

No, normal (healthy) people do not rely on their emotions and feelings to make decisions.

Does a normal person go from meeting a guy and within three dates have him stay at her house for the weekend and introduce him to her daughter the very next weekend?

No, normal (healthy) women do not subject their children to a revolving door of men, unless they want to warp a child's brain so badly that the child grows up and makes even WORSE choices... .

This is extremely poor parenting skills.

Does a normal person just say "sorry" when you find out that this is going on and stand in front of her crying and asking how she can do this? And then say I nknow it is hard for you but I am moving on and you will be ok.

No, normal (healthy) people do not do this.

Evil does this.

Does a normal person then try to keep contact because they want to be friends?

Everything has been abnormal / unhealthy up to this point.

So no, the only reason they want to keep you as a friend, is to keep you on the hook as her solid PLAN B.

Run.

Then starts contacting you to say that she misses you and loves you but she is so confused because the new guy is nice and he doesn't deserve any of this. This meaning her wanting to come back to me.

Head games, tricks, etc.

Just think, when you two were the new couple, who was she texting THEN and telling them the same things she's saying to you?

Run.

Does a normal person choose a relationship based on the fact that he is nice and his family likes her while she supposedly loved me with all her heart and soul but may family and my ex wife were triggers to her?

No that's manipulation so that YOU will feel bad / responsible for the break up while she can walk around guilt free.

Triggers? Triggers for what? From what? That one you will have to explain more... .

This is just the recent stuff, before the break up, there was the Many recycles or threatening to break up, love me one second then angry and vindictive the next because I didnt do something right. I was her knight in shining armor then she would be cold as ice.

Run.

[downnout98]

My exgf was never diagnosed with BPD, mainly because she never saw a therapist. The therapist she is seeing now is more of a counselor at our church and I really don't think that he knows what BPD is. I say that she has BPD because of what bmy therapist told me when I first started counseling after our first major recycle.

Pastoral counseling is NOT prepared to deal with depression, PTSD or PD's of any kind.

They are not educated, equippted, or prepared to help a person who has a medical /pd diagnosis.

Trust me, the pastor can do MORE damage than good... .

Anyway, I can't seem to shake the thoughts that maybe I blew things out of proportion. So let me ask a few questions.

Do normal people start living with a new person less than a month after we broke up? Especially when she was the one that initiated the break and then followed up with crying and wanting me back. Saying that she couldn't live without me. We were together for 3 years and about to get engaged.

I find it interesting that she is seeking pastoral counseling yet 'living w a man' she barely knows?

Anyway... .no that's not normal (healthy) moving in with a complete stranger.

Do normal people switch from saying that they would wait for you and remain committed only to find the new guy a week later?

No, normal (healthy) people do not rely on their emotions and feelings to make decisions.

Does a normal person go from meeting a guy and within three dates have him stay at her house for the weekend and introduce him to her daughter the very next weekend?

No, normal (healthy) women do not subject their children to a revolving door of men, unless they want to warp a child's brain so badly that the child grows up and makes even WORSE choices... .

This is extremely poor parenting skills.

Does a normal person just say "sorry" when you find out that this is going on and stand in front of her crying and asking how she can do this? And then say I nknow it is hard for you but I am moving on and you will be ok.

No, normal (healthy) people do not do this.

Evil does this.

Does a normal person then try to keep contact because they want to be friends?

Everything has been abnormal / unhealthy up to this point.

So no, the only reason they want to keep you as a friend, is to keep you on the hook as her solid PLAN B.

Run.

Then starts contacting you to say that she misses you and loves you but she is so confused because the new guy is nice and he doesn't deserve any of this. This meaning her wanting to come back to me.

Head games, tricks, etc.

Just think, when you two were the new couple, who was she texting THEN and telling them the same things she's saying to you?

Run.

Does a normal person choose a relationship based on the fact that he is nice and his family likes her while she supposedly loved me with all her heart and soul but may family and my ex wife were triggers to her?

No that's manipulation so that YOU will feel bad / responsible for the break up while she can walk around guilt free.

Triggers? Triggers for what? From what? That one you will have to explain more... .

This is just the recent stuff, before the break up, there was the Many recycles or threatening to break up, love me one second then angry and vindictive the next because I didnt do something right. I was her knight in shining armor then she would be cold as ice.

Run.

Thank you going places. I guess it is part of the FOG, me feeling that it was my fault or that I should never have left. The triggers where from what she explained as her most insecure points. Most of our arguments were stemmed from issues with my exwife and custody of my daughter, or conversations with my family. This was the strangest thing because my family lives out of town and I have limited contact with them. She always held on to the rough first encounter with them. Unfortunately, our r/s started off as an affair and she wanted them to just forget that small detail. Lol.

These were usually the issues she would break up with me over.

[going places]

So "she" is the 'other woman?

Yeah, your family probably took out on her what they should have taken out on you... .

She put herself in a no win situation.

So did you.

This is why marriages / relationships that form out of affairs are so damaging.

So many people get hurt.

What's done is done. All you can do now is learn from your mistakes, and not repeat them.

I see so many men get caught up in the 'love bombing' a woman throws at them, not caring they are married.

I see so many men get caught up in the "wow someone notices me".

Married couples should tend to their own lawn, and not worry or care if the grass is greener on the other side.

Because 'green grass' usually means a LOT of 'fertilizer' has been applied.

Seems to be so in your case... .

This does not sound like a woman w BPD as much as it is a foolish woman that thought she could break up a marriage and a family, and come out smelling like a rose, only to find out... .that is SO not the case.

She sounds like someone who is getting her due. And it hurts.

[downnout98]

So "she" is the 'other woman?

Yeah, your family probably took out on her what they should have taken out on you... .

She put herself in a no win situation.

So did you.

This is why marriages / relationships that form out of affairs are so damaging.

So many people get hurt.

What's done is done. All you can do now is learn from your mistakes, and not repeat them.

I see so many men get caught up in the 'love bombing' a woman throws at them, not caring they are married.

I see so many men get caught up in the "wow someone notices me".

Married couples should tend to their own lawn, and not worry or care if the grass is greener on the other side.

Because 'green grass' usually means a LOT of 'fertilizer' has been applied.

Seems to be so in your case... .

This does not sound like a woman w BPD as much as it is a foolish woman that thought she could break up a marriage and a family, and come out smelling like a rose, only to find out... .that is SO not the case.

She sounds like someone who is getting her due. And it hurts.

Going places, yes you are right. She was the other woman and I was the other man. I am not proud of this and we definitely paid the price for it too. I used to tell her that I failed because I wasn't strong enough to set boundaries in the beginning. She wanted me to move in with her while we were going through our divorces and I resisted as much as I could. The more I resisted, the more she would threaten to leave me. She would say that there were others that wanted her. She wanted me with her 24/7 and I knew this would cause problems.

Affairs are horrible, even if your marriage is in shambles. I would advise anyone now not to to do it. So destructive.I went through a lot with my family and tried to take the brunt of their anger. It was my decision after all.

I originally thought that we would both go through our divorces and then get together. I felt secure enough in my feelings for her but apparently it wasn't mutual. When I asked her for time to work out my divorce, she broke up with me and started dating others.  I was seeing a therapist to help me though all this and that is when the therapist mentioned that my gf could be borderline. There were a lot of other issues that i spoke to my T about but this would be too long of a story. I couldn't take it anymore and went back to her to so that she would stop dating others. I didn't want to loose her.

We have been through so many recycles and I thought we were finally through the worst until just recently. I stood up to her about an issue concerning my daughter  and ended up getting kicked out of the house. So now, like before, I tried to take time to take care of myself and work out some deep seeded issues between us, and she replaced me. Just like she always threatened when things were not going well. 

[downnout98]

I am not proud of any of the things we did to come together but she didn't feel any remorse for what we did. She was happy as long as we were together. I stayed with it because I felt that I really loved her and I gave everything I could to the r/s. I was the most committed i have ever been in my life. Maybe that is why this is soo hard. I gave so much and put everyone in my life through so much even when they warned me. I feel bad for everyone that was hurt because of my actions and as much as i want to blame her love bombing, it was still my decision.

[going places]

No one felt remorse for what was done.

Because it was done.

She does not feel remorse today because she didn't care then.

If you feel remorse today, is it because 'she' didn't work out? Or because you truly realize what you did?

How many people hurt and suffer today because of your choices?

Stop and think about what you were 'committed' too.

Were you committed "till death do you part, sickness and health, rich or poor" OR were you committed to the 'good feeling' this relationship provided you?

Marriages take work.

It takes 2 to make it work.

Marriage is not based upon feelings and immediate circumstances, but the simple fact that the "two" are now "one". A wife has to treat, love, and care for her husband, like she does herself. Same with the husband.

Marriages hit rough spots. Sometimes rocky spots.

Sometimes it's 'outside' forces that put unholy strain on the marriage (IE: inlaws that are not kept in check, peer pressure, money, comfort, etc). Those need to be met in unity. Husband protecting his wife, wife knowing the husband is ALWAYS on her side.

Spouses today just take the easy way out, cut and run, when things aren't all warm and fuzzy.

I work w a person who met her SO while he was married.

She didn't care.

She pursued him, reeled him in, and he divorced his wife.

Funny, she could NEVER understand why he "didn't trust her"... .why he "checked up on her".

Well duh, cause she had no problem breaking up a marriage, who's to say she won't do it again?

Needless to say 10 years later, they have broken up and no longer speak.

He asked her to marry him and she said "sure, just don't expect a date anytime soon'... .after 5 years went by I think he gave up.

His character is ruined.

Her character is ruined.

So many lives were ill effected because of their selfish decisions.

Just because YOUR T say's she 'may be BPD' doesn't mean she is.

He only knows YOUR side of the story.

So many (not saying you) but so many times I read that men who have BPD SO jumped in bed with them within the first 30 days of knowing the pwBPD and the sex and love bombing was so intense and amazing... .only to turn around and say "oh she's crazy".

Well, I suppose if we as a society waited until we KNEW the person before we had sex with them these numbers would greatly decrease.

Moving forward, I would suggest you drop this woman in the grease once and for all.

Focus on getting your issues worked out and getting healthy; then on you daughter, who needs a daddy that shows her HOW a man is supposed to 'love and treat her' so she doesn't end up with someone who will break her heart.

[downnout98]

I felt remorse through it and that is why I was going to therapy. I realized what I did and how I hurt so many people. I was so torn because I felt that I really loved this woman. My gf did not like me going to counseling. You are right and thank you for the reality in your words. Marriages take two and I should have put into my marriage all that I put into this relationship. This has been a 3 year relationship and when I read about BPD at the advise of my counselor, I decided that I was not going to cut and run again. I was going to stand and remain committed. My family all said that I chose the wrong person to be committed to. I guess I got what was coming to me.

I did choose to work on myself at the end and to put my relationship with my daughter at the forefront. But I still hurt and feel down and that is why I come here. My gf never forgave me for telling her that I thought she might need some professional help. I knew that I did and that is why I was seeing a therapist. As I read so many of these posts, I can relate in many ways. I don't know if she is BPD but there are way too many similarities. But again, I chose to stay despite it and I fought through so much.  I chose to love her through it all.

I posted my question because in the moment of doubt, I needed reassurance that I made the right decision. If it was just me, I would go back and fight through this some more, but I have to think of my daughter and what I want her growing up with. This has not been easy. I was selfish in my initial decision and I am trying to not repeat it.

[downnout98]

I also just wanted to know that if you really loved someone and were truly committed to them, would you replace them so quickly? I am wrestling with the idea that she never really loved me despite what she says.

[Mutt]

Tough questions downnout98. A pwBPD are emotionally immature, over-express emotions like young children, lack-impulse control; little thought to long term consequences.

[louisnorman]

 I can feel your pain, I been through the same thing x10.  I am working on the fact that I am not going to change her. The change she needs has to come from with in, they do not care about our feelings, its all about them. My superman cape has been put away I try not to ask why anymore.   I tell myself I did my best.

[Infared]

I also just wanted to know that if you really loved someone and were truly committed to them, would you replace them so quickly? I am wrestling with the idea that she never really loved me despite what she says.

Of course she did not love you... .if you are in love with someone you do not threaten them with "dating others" and then actually go do it? That is TOTALLY  self-centered game playing. That is not love my friend. I think what you got was Instant Karma. No?

[downnout98]

I also just wanted to know that if you really loved someone and were truly committed to them, would you replace them so quickly? I am wrestling with the idea that she never really loved me despite what she says.

Of course she did not love you... .if you are in love with someone you do not threaten them with "dating others" and then actually go do it? That is TOTALLY  self-centered game playing. That is not love my friend. I think what you got was Instant Karma. No?

Yes, it sucks. Very painful.

[Maternus]

So many (not saying you) but so many times I read that men who have BPD SO jumped in bed with them within the first 30 days of knowing the pwBPD and the sex and love bombing was so intense and amazing... .only to turn around and say "oh she's crazy".

Well, I suppose if we as a society waited until we KNEW the person before we had sex with them these numbers would greatly decrease.

That's a good point. But many of us, who fell for a pwBPD are not only influenced by movies, tv-series, novels, that propagate this kind of throw-away-love, we were raised in families, where this way of life is considered not only as normal, but as the only and superior way. My parents divorced when I was 2 or 3 years old. And whenever I was at my father's house, it was like watching another episode of "Seinfeld". A new week, a new girlfriend. When you are told by your father from childhood on, that it is normal, two have a new girlfriend every week or month, you think that is normal.

When you see the same patterns in your mother's life, not that much frequent, but a new partner every year, with recycles and affairs, you don't know what is normal. My mother had a long term relationship with a real nice guy - maybe the only nice guy she ever dated - when I was 7, but at the same time she had an affair with a married man. She wanted to end this affair, so she invited me and my sister to sleep in her bed, when he was visiting her - and she told us, that she did it, because she didn't want to have sex with him. She used us as a tool to solve her relationship problems. It was totally sick and awful - but I thought, this is what all parents do.

I had to go through all highs and lows with a cluster-b-disordered woman, to find out, what was wrong with me and my life long before I met my pwBPD. It was a hurtful experience for me and I was hurtful to other people, who don't deserved it, along the way. It was a wrong step in the right direction.

[apollotech]

downnout98,

No, her behavior isn't normal. Here's a heads up for the future, if you have to stop and ask yourself if this is normal, it most likely isn't. A healthy, mature, loving relationship (and people) does not damage the participants; it enrichs them.

[downwhim]

It is great that you stuck up for your daughter. You did right thing. But, think about this other woman that you love:

She took up with your best friend when you didn't get her a ring (immature).

She did not get along with your family because the reality is she and you were responsible for ripping it apart (this would continue to be a thorn in your r/s).

She repeatedly recycled you (back and forth, push and pull) this would never change.

She has no problem sleeping around with other men (cannot be trusted).

Do you really think a relationship like this would last? Your family and your children are with you forever. They need and deserve your apology and you need to work as hard as possible to regain their trust.

I too wonder if she is borderline or a spoiled brat that always wants what she can't have. She has helped to destroy your relationships with your now ex wife, your "best, alcoholic friend, your children and your parents. She has done a number on you. Is sex really worth this? Is this love?

Don't you think it is time to quit being the victim and get rid of this crazy chick?

[Infared]

I also just wanted to know that if you really loved someone and were truly committed to them, would you replace them so quickly? I am wrestling with the idea that she never really loved me despite what she says.

Of course she did not love you... .if you are in love with someone you do not threaten them with "dating others" and then actually go do it? That is TOTALLY  self-centered game playing. That is not love my friend. I think what you got was Instant Karma. No?

Yes, it sucks. Very painful.

I was not having an affair, but mine treated me the same way.mature, healthy adults do not behave that way. It's really difficult to get thru... .the support here is very helpful.

[sun seeker]

No one felt remorse for what was done.

Because it was done.

She does not feel remorse today because she didn't care then.

If you feel remorse today, is it because 'she' didn't work out? Or because you truly realize what you did?

How many people hurt and suffer today because of your choices?

Stop and think about what you were 'committed' too.

Were you committed "till death do you part, sickness and health, rich or poor" OR were you committed to the 'good feeling' this relationship provided you?

Marriages take work.

It takes 2 to make it work.

Marriage is not based upon feelings and immediate circumstances, but the simple fact that the "two" are now "one". A wife has to treat, love, and care for her husband, like she does herself. Same with the husband.

Marriages hit rough spots. Sometimes rocky spots.

Sometimes it's 'outside' forces that put unholy strain on the marriage (IE: inlaws that are not kept in check, peer pressure, money, comfort, etc). Those need to be met in unity. Husband protecting his wife, wife knowing the husband is ALWAYS on her side.

Spouses today just take the easy way out, cut and run, when things aren't all warm and fuzzy.

I work w a person who met her SO while he was married.

She didn't care.

She pursued him, reeled him in, and he divorced his wife.

Funny, she could NEVER understand why he "didn't trust her"... .why he "checked up on her".

Well duh, cause she had no problem breaking up a marriage, who's to say she won't do it again?

Needless to say 10 years later, they have broken up and no longer speak.

He asked her to marry him and she said "sure, just don't expect a date anytime soon'... .after 5 years went by I think he gave up.

His character is ruined.

Her character is ruined.

So many lives were ill effected because of their selfish decisions.

Just because YOUR T say's she 'may be BPD' doesn't mean she is.

He only knows YOUR side of the story.

So many (not saying you) but so many times I read that men who have BPD SO jumped in bed with them within the first 30 days of knowing the pwBPD and the sex and love bombing was so intense and amazing... .only to turn around and say "oh she's crazy".

Well, I suppose if we as a society waited until we KNEW the person before we had sex with them these numbers would greatly decrease.

Moving forward, I would suggest you drop this woman in the grease once and for all.

Focus on getting your issues worked out and getting healthy; then on you daughter, who needs a daddy that shows her HOW a man is supposed to 'love and treat her' so she doesn't end up with someone who will break her heart.

Bad as*  post going. I thought I was them last person on earth that practiced these values!  

Well down sound like you got your just deserts!

[going places]

I also just wanted to know that if you really loved someone and were truly committed to them, would you replace them so quickly? I am wrestling with the idea that she never really loved me despite what she says.

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

THAT is love. Real, love.

No, she never loved you.

Maybe she loved your income? Your possessions? Your earning potential?

Maybe she 'loved' the thrill of the chase, you know, like in high school when the "popular girl" tried to steal the "plain girls" boyfriend, just for the thrill of it?

Maybe she "loved" your story of 'woe' (bad marriage) and thought she could be the "savior/super hero" in the story that makes the sad man smile again?

Maybe she has a personality disorder?

Maybe she 'loved' who you were in the beginning of the relationship but something changed?

My guess is this everyone involved has no idea what love is.

[downwhim]

Going Places,

Perfect.

[Infared]

"My guess is this everyone involved has no idea what love is... "

I vote for that!

[going places]

I posted my question because in the moment of doubt, I needed reassurance that I made the right decision. If it was just me, I would go back and fight through this some more, but I have to think of my daughter and what I want her growing up with. This has not been easy. I was selfish in my initial decision and I am trying to not repeat it.

Yes.

Build on that.

Get rid of her.

Work on 'why' you chose her, and 'why' you chose to walk away from your wife and child.

Work on that.

Then with your whole heart, work on your relationship with your child.

You cannot 'un-ring' the bell but you can show her a man who accepts FULL responsibility for his actions, one who is humble enough to admit he was wrong... .and strong enough to not to make that same catastrophic choice again.

[DyingLove]

Not normal at all.  I'm kinda mixed up after 4 years of grief, but even I know that it's not normal.  Love doesn't do those things.

My new thing is being slightly annoyed/hurt that my exBPDso at one time offered to wear my ashes around her neck should I die first.  Also all the letters and cards she sent and gave me writing her last name as mine... .and saying "your wife".  Just last night I gave her all those cards back and she threw them in the trash.  :)o normal people do that?  Answer me that!

[JRT]

Interesting about the cards... .mine took all of the sappy cards that she gave me off of the fridge where i had posted them and took them with her! I KNOW normal people don't to that!