Normal people don't do this right?

[DyingLove]

Interesting about the cards... .mine took all of the sappy cards that she gave me off of the fridge where i had posted them and took them with her! I KNOW normal people don't to that!

I can't make sense of this stuff happening lately.  I am still under the same roof and that makes it hell... .I've got till about the end of the month.  I thought it might make sense to explain it like this: When a loved one only has so long to live... .I said it's the same, I'll be outta here in several weeks and it's the end... .losing a loved one. So we should enjoy our last days together... .or at least not in hate.  She turned it all around on me.  Go figure.

[JRT]

Interesting about the cards... .mine took all of the sappy cards that she gave me off of the fridge where i had posted them and took them with her! I KNOW normal people don't to that!

I can't make sense of this stuff happening lately.  I am still under the same roof and that makes it hell... .I've got till about the end of the month.  I thought it might make sense to explain it like this: When a loved one only has so long to live... .I said it's the same, I'll be outta here in several weeks and it's the end... .losing a loved one. So we should enjoy our last days together... .or at least not in hate.  She turned it all around on me.  Go figure.

No surprise there how reality is twisted. I know mine is telling her people that I'm a stalker and 'psycho'. Nice... .

[DyingLove]

Interesting about the cards... .mine took all of the sappy cards that she gave me off of the fridge where i had posted them and took them with her! I KNOW normal people don't to that!

I can't make sense of this stuff happening lately.  I am still under the same roof and that makes it hell... .I've got till about the end of the month.  I thought it might make sense to explain it like this: When a loved one only has so long to live... .I said it's the same, I'll be outta here in several weeks and it's the end... .losing a loved one. So we should enjoy our last days together... .or at least not in hate.  She turned it all around on me.  Go figure.

No surprise there how reality is twisted. I know mine is telling her people that I'm a stalker and 'psycho'. Nice... .

I can only imagine what she tells her parents and siblings.  They are all enablers.  Loving a daugter or sister is one thing, but enabling them to do stuff is another thing.  I'm going to send you a PM.

[JRT]

Interesting about the cards... .mine took all of the sappy cards that she gave me off of the fridge where i had posted them and took them with her! I KNOW normal people don't to that!

I can't make sense of this stuff happening lately.  I am still under the same roof and that makes it hell... .I've got till about the end of the month.  I thought it might make sense to explain it like this: When a loved one only has so long to live... .I said it's the same, I'll be outta here in several weeks and it's the end... .losing a loved one. So we should enjoy our last days together... .or at least not in hate.  She turned it all around on me.  Go figure.

No surprise there how reality is twisted. I know mine is telling her people that I'm a stalker and 'psycho'. Nice... .

I can only imagine what she tells her parents and siblings.  They are all enablers.  Loving a daugter or sister is one thing, but enabling them to do stuff is another thing.  I'm going to send you a PM.

I spoke to her dad and brought up the fact that all of his family had unfriended me on FB. He responded by telling me that it was because the family sticks together. I just wanted to scream at him! Its hyperbole but what if she had just murdered someone! Would you alienate the family of the person that she had killed? I found it incredible for him to say this, its CLASSIC ennoblement. 

Got your PM but for some reason I was not able to reply. Here is what I intended to send:

Thank you DL... .I'll check it out and hope that things are going well your way.

[DyingLove]

I spoke to her dad and brought up the fact that all of his family had unfriended me on FB. He responded by telling me that it was because the family sticks together. I just wanted to scream at him! Its hyperbole but what if she had just murdered someone! Would you alienate the family of the person that she had killed? I found it incredible for him to say this, its CLASSIC ennoblement. 


Family sticking together is fine.  I stand behind my Son, but if he is wrong he's WRONG.  Two wrongs don't make a right.  Her family immediately STOPPED contacting me also... .certain "righteous" family members unfriended me from facebook and some other member (I don't want to talk angry) I blocked because he is an enabler, know it all (everyone elses business) and just lurked me on FB and always had something nasty-ish to say.  I was good when I was good... .you know what I mean.

[JRT]

Thats just it, wrong is wrong, and their children don't seem to have any sense of it. It floored me that not one person among her family or friends having literally adulated me and the way that I had treated her just days before and whose family I was to formally join in a matter of weeks, had not to date contacted me to say anything to the extent of, "Hey, sorry to hear that it didn't work out... .I hope that you are ok... .I liked you... .have a good life". Instead, I got the opposite. Its one thing to be BPD, but for all of her circle to do join in the condemnation? WOW!

Sorry to hijack the thread.

[DyingLove]

Yes SORRY to OP and everyone about hijacking the thread .

[downnout98]

I posted my question because in the moment of doubt, I needed reassurance that I made the right decision. If it was just me, I would go back and fight through this some more, but I have to think of my daughter and what I want her growing up with. This has not been easy. I was selfish in my initial decision and I am trying to not repeat it.

Yes.

Build on that.

Get rid of her.

Work on 'why' you chose her, and 'why' you chose to walk away from your wife and child.

Work on that.

Then with your whole heart, work on your relationship with your child.

You cannot 'un-ring' the bell but you can show her a man who accepts FULL responsibility for his actions, one who is humble enough to admit he was wrong... .and strong enough to not to make that same catastrophic choice again.

Thank you everyone, and I am   if my situation stuck a chord with anyone. Like I said, I was lost and made some poor decisions that I am paying for now. But you are right, I am picking up the pieces, I have humbled myself and apologized to all those I have hurt.  Before all this ever happened, I used to wonder how people can do these things (affairs) and I would judge them. Well I don't or at least I try not judge anymore because it all came back to me 10 fold. I have felt the hurt that I caused.

Now, The most important thing is to show my daughter better values than what I have exposed her to and to continue building on our relationship. So far so good. I was feeling weak and needed some help in staying on the right course when I posted this.

[DyingLove]

I posted my question because in the moment of doubt, I needed reassurance that I made the right decision. If it was just me, I would go back and fight through this some more, but I have to think of my daughter and what I want her growing up with. This has not been easy. I was selfish in my initial decision and I am trying to not repeat it.

Yes.

Build on that.

Get rid of her.

Work on 'why' you chose her, and 'why' you chose to walk away from your wife and child.

Work on that.

Then with your whole heart, work on your relationship with your child.

You cannot 'un-ring' the bell but you can show her a man who accepts FULL responsibility for his actions, one who is humble enough to admit he was wrong... .and strong enough to not to make that same catastrophic choice again.

Thank you everyone, and I am   if my situation stuck a chord with anyone. Like I said, I was lost and made some poor decisions that I am paying for now. But you are right, I am picking up the pieces, I have humbled myself and apologized to all those I have hurt.  Before all this ever happened, I used to wonder how people can do these things (affairs) and I would judge them. Well I don't or at least I try not judge anymore because it all came back to me 10 fold. I have felt the hurt that I caused.

Now, The most important thing is to show my daughter better values than what I have exposed her to and to continue building on our relationship. So far so good. I was feeling weak and needed some help in staying on the right course when I posted this.

YAY!

[downwhim]

"Now, The most important thing is to show my daughter better values than what I have exposed her to and to continue building on our relationship. So far so good. I was feeling weak and needed some help in staying on the right course when I posted this."

Yes, I have to admit your post struck a chord with me. I am glad you are on good terms with your daughter. You will need to stay strong because crazy BPD will come around and tempt you!

When my ex cheated and had his affair he quit showing up for my youngest son's school events. I will never forget his dad's plate sitting there and me calling several times and him not showing at the school graduation luncheon. My middle son drank vodka, ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning and proceeded to mainly live out of his car. He hated my BPD bf and his dad's new wife spent limited time with my kids. He to this day (8 years later) admits he felt lost and unloved.

You said you have made amends and are trying. That is good. It is hard undoing the damage done... . 

[Trog]

Thank you all. There are times that I start to second guess the things that have happened in our relationship and wonder if my exBPDgf was right. My family and even my exwife would try and point some of these things out, but I normally wouldn't listen. That is why my exBPDgf hated them so much. She felt that they were trying to tear us apart, when in reality they were just trying to help me.

In some measure I think that BPD's pick sensitive, vulnerable people... .

In some measure! Remember how the Terminator scans a room?

Looking thru the back catalogue of my exes exes they were all incredibly soft or damaged but in any cases, always soft. BPDs can not fit with people who do not have pourous boundaries. Its impossible. Anyone with solid boundaries would tell a BPD/NPD to **** *** within the first date, they can not pull their crap with people who are not wounded in some way. They spot a BPD and call them exactly what they are, but we defend them, think they're special, think we need to help in some way. This is our childhood damage and from what I read and who i speak to it is true for all of us.

My ex is a beautiful woman, and I could never understand why everyone wasn't after her. I thought I would be constantly fighting off attention for her, but anyone healthy would never be interested, I even got commiserations from even members of her friends and family! Sometimes its funny if it didn't hurt like hell!

[Infared]

Thank you all. There are times that I start to second guess the things that have happened in our relationship and wonder if my exBPDgf was right. My family and even my exwife would try and point some of these things out, but I normally wouldn't listen. That is why my exBPDgf hated them so much. She felt that they were trying to tear us apart, when in reality they were just trying to help me.

In some measure I think that BPD's pick sensitive, vulnerable people... .

In some measure! Remember how the Terminator scans a room?

Looking thru the back catalogue of my exes exes they were all incredibly soft or damaged but in any cases, always soft. BPDs can not fit with people who do not have pourous boundaries. Its impossible. Anyone with solid boundaries would tell a BPD/NPD to **** *** within the first date, they can not pull their crap with people who are not wounded in some way. They spot a BPD and call them exactly what they are, but we defend them, think they're special, think we need to help in some way. This is our childhood damage and from what I read and who i speak to it is true for all of us.

My ex is a beautiful woman, and I could never understand why everyone wasn't after her. I thought I would be constantly fighting off attention for her, but anyone healthy would never be interested, I even got commiserations from even members of her friends and family! Sometimes its funny if it didn't hurt like hell!

:'(

[downnout98]

"Now, The most important thing is to show my daughter better values than what I have exposed her to and to continue building on our relationship. So far so good. I was feeling weak and needed some help in staying on the right course when I posted this."

Yes, I have to admit your post struck a chord with me. I am glad you are on good terms with your daughter. You will need to stay strong because crazy BPD will come around and tempt you!

When my ex cheated and had his affair he quit showing up for my youngest son's school events. I will never forget his dad's plate sitting there and me calling several times and him not showing at the school graduation luncheon. My middle son drank vodka, ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning and proceeded to mainly live out of his car. He hated my BPD bf and his dad's new wife spent limited time with my kids. He to this day (8 years later) admits he felt lost and unloved.

You said you have made amends and are trying. That is good. It is hard undoing the damage done... . 

Yes, I thank God that he has given me the opportunity to make things right for my daughter again. I need to remain strong.