Were you happy and content in the relationship?

[raisins3142]

I was happy/content in the first few weeks.  After that, I had temporary happiness, but only when we were together and she was trying hard.  When we were apart, I was a nervous wreck because she was not a person that inspired trust.  She had no idea how to behave so that trust grew in a relationship.

[Sofie]

Thinking back on my relationship to my exBPD now where I have gotten some distance from it... .no, I wasn't happy at all. The way I see it now, my life was like that of a junkie, as I was either on an insane short-lived ecstatic high or (most of the time) in a state of humiliating withdrawal jonesing for my next fix of her affection.

[catanaition]

When things are good they are very good. She can be very funny and kind and is also very creative which are all things that are great and that I appreciate. At the same time the lows make me wish I'd never met her in spite of the good times we have in between. It is a tough balancing act.

[Kasina]

I was the one with the original question. :-)

I'll just answer on this one instead of both.

I was also happy in the beginning. No one had ever made me feel the emotions that my exBPD brought out of me. But slowly it became more and more unbearable and it became less about my happiness and more about my staying to "help" him and be true to the promise not to leave him.

At the end I was completely miserable. Having stomach issues, insomnia, just totally stressed out!

I actually had a thought that if I didn't leave soon the stress would end up causing me a physical condition that would be permanent.

It's same for me,by the end it was me who was responsibly for what happened in the relationship .i was severely stressed out,loosing weight ... insomniac ...

This was the second time

My BPD bf was recycling me for the second time and this time by end of the relationship things got really better and then all of sudden he broke up...

[Turkish]

No. I knew her for a couple of months, then went out on a date. It went well... .until we got to the parking lot and the push-pull started. "I'm not ready for a boyfriend."  

I never indicated that it was anything other than a date. I was mad. But we still were in a volunteer program together, so I said, "ok, then, see you there on the weekend." She texted me on the way home, I was confused.

A night or so later, I was at a friend's house and she waifishly texed that she wanted to see a movie and if I were interested. "It's ok if you don't want to." I was pissed, then thought, "why not give love a chance, what s there to lose?" I met her. Gave her a hug at the end, and thus started two months of "friend-dating." I was seeing her at least 4 days per week, and constantly texting or emailing. Then two days after I helped her move, she literally jumped me and it was "off to the races." Not even a make out session before that...

I moved in after less than 4 months, against my gut feeling. I arm chair diagnsed her with BPD months after that "a r/s shouldn't be this difficult" I told myself. Even before then, there would be long silences in the car and i thought, "do i really love her? What do we have in common? I find her boring at times. Where is the mental stimulation in-between WoE to not piss her off?"

Then a week break up where I didn't even move out (I was thankful she broke up, but I chose to fall for the waif again). "Forced" into therapy where she abandoned me even though the doc made it clear that she was supposed to be there even if she thought I was the problem (same with a communications class). I proposed to her in the middle of she raging on me over getting the wrong size food container for her.

Months later, pregnant with S5. Then against my better judgement based upon that experience (severe anxiety, enmeshment with her mom and an act of DV), I chose to give her D2. That's because I knew she would leave me for sure if I didn't. I knew her well by then. She did anyway  :'(

How much was me? Surely a lot though I never abused her, even if I triggered her pain due to my issues.

What pains me the most is that she split me white as a friend and the father to our children because she needs me even while she was still living with me, conducting her juvenile r/s outside of our home.

So to answer the question, again, no. There were days here and there where I believed it could work, but I was never really happy. It was never more than 3 weeks (a whole month one time!) where she didn't blow up over something, sometimes triggered by her family, or just getting up in the morning. Of course, it was always my fault  

Them there were those nights I'd hold her in bed and she'd say,."I'm such a witch [with a b] to you, but I'm your witch!" I never knew how to respond to that.

[Grey Kitty]

I was friends with her for a few months... .then she got the guy she'd been trying to dump to move out for years out... .decided to have a rebound fling with me. A year later we we had two apartments but were mostly living in one of them. Another year later, we moved in together, were engaged and then were married for 23 years.

I was very happy and content. She would get depressed once or twice a year for a bit, and those times gave me a preview of BPD behaviors. We hardly fought at all. Many very happy times and adventures.

Five or six years ago, it started escalating. We did start having some bad fights, and she got involved with another guy with some limits. Lots of fights about that. Tough times. She met most of the criteria for BPD at that time. Then I learned tools, and stopped accepting the abuse. She eventually did enough work on herself that she stopped trying the abuse. Then fell apart grieving someone very important to her a year and a half ago. Was very depressed (but not abusive) soon after that. Finally cheated on me, and then decided to leave our marriage (although not for the other guy).

I've had more bad times than good times with her in the last few years, but I really have had a lot of good times.



Today the hardest thing for me is that I still like her, still love her, still enjoy her company. Yet I've cut off any emotional contact with her, because it doesn't go well for me. I end up feeling confused during and crappy after as a rule.

I need to detach and feel more separated before I can consider being a friend to her again.

Yesterday she messaged me and started to put stuff on facebook indicating that she's feeling down and depressed and is reaching out. It is sad. I care. And I know that it won't be good for me if I try to help. Probably not for her either, but that isn't my issue.

[nowwhatz]

Unfortunately it was the happy times that kept me in it despite everything.  Content? No way... .generally happy? Not a chance... .like being win love with the albatross around my neck!

It has been 3 weeks now of not seeing her at all. Can't say I am happy or content now while I go through this miserable grieving but as time goes on there are moments of happiness.  i think I went through the entire day yesterday without being angry

During the r/s it was always chasing and fighting the dragon.