I think I need to break up with him

[Larhope]

Hi, I'm engaged to someone im just finding out has BPD, which would explain the hell I've been through since we got engaged in December. I joined this group because I think I am going to need to end the relationship and I'm terrified and need support. Any advice or encouragement? He is getting professional help but I believe I am hindering that more than helping and am staying in this unhealthy relationship primarily out of fear of him hurting himself and I believe he is in it out of fear of living without me.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Rapt Reader]

Hello, Larhope &

I'm so very sorry for the troubles you have been having with your fiancé since your engagement... .It sounds like you are very frustrated and confused, and that's something every one of us on this site can relate to. I would like to encourage you to check out the links to the right-hand side of this page in order to get some insights into how your fiancé's mind works, and what you can do about it.

I'd also like to suggest that you check out the Feature Articles (which are also linked to under the 4 photos at the top of the Staying Board's thread listing page)... .There are topics such as What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship with Someone with BPD; Getting a "Borderline" into Therapy; Why We Struggle in Our Relationships; Is Your Relationship Breaking Down?; Codependency and Codependent Relationships and Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG). All of them are stellar in helping open our eyes to just what is going on and how to deal with it.

I'm very glad you've found us, Larhope, and look forward to hearing more of your story so we can help you 

[Cat Familiar]

Hi Larhope and welcome. 

It sounds like you are looking for a way out of your relationship, but at the same time are concerned that your SO might harm himself. I was married to a man with BPD and many years into the relationship he started making suicide threats. I was afraid of leaving him, but at the same time, the relationship had become so toxic, I realized that I couldn't continue in it. I did break up with him and I talked to a suicide prevention person who guided me in ways to talk with my husband and ultimately he did not commit suicide. Ironically his next girlfriend confided in me that he was holding her "emotional hostage" with his suicide threats. Living with a person with BPD is definitely a challenge and if you're having doubts at this point, I encourage you to take heed of those feelings.