Mother has BPD & dementia

[Flossyfewclothes]

My mother is now 86 and Ihave been estranged from her for the past 10 years. She has been abandoned in a high secure aged care facility by her last husband of 11years and his son. They have had her placed into an awful facility with other patients who cannot communicate but mum can communicate and she is still very able,physically. These Men have taken away all her liberty, rights and assets. I am now trying to rescue her with the aid of authorities but her BPD combined with early stages of dementia are wearing me down and making me feel ill. I feel sorry for her but her quips like ' I really don't have any family like other people' are hurtful.

She Managed through her lifetime to isolate me from relatives through her ' stories' but nowtheyhave all abandoned her including her sister. My father left her 35 years ago after suffering her rages.she constantly complains and repeats herself and has gone the centre of attention . We have taken her out for the weekend and to a restaurnt with friends where she said she didn't know who I was and that her daughter would throw her under a bus!

It's hard going! Can anyone tell Me rwhat is SET?

[Panda39]

Hi Flossyfewclothes 

I pulled some information on SET and communication for you, hope it helps.

SET

is a communication tool.

Support

Empathy

Truth

https://bpdfamily.com/content/ending-conflict

https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a104.htm

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=69272.0

[Ziggiddy]

Hi Flossyfewclothes,

I am sorry to hear how difficult things are for you at present. Both BPD and dementia are awful things to deal with in a family member and for your mother to have them both must wear you out.

It's nice too that you want to do something to help her.

It's also very important to do things to protect yourself. I can't imagine how painful that must have been to hear your mother speak of you that way particularly when you are the one who took her out for dinner!

Panda has posted some really good links there which would help you make some decisions about how to respond to your mother.

Because of the dementia, you may wish to find more specialist information. has the facility where your mother is staying any one who can talk to you about her situation? Also if it is within your reach you may consider talking to a therapist who knows about the BPD or dementia. it is invaluable for getting tailored help.

Was your mother diagnosed formally with BPD? Besides the rages you described and the dismissing of your help without recognition, were there other things that led to the diagnosis?

Did you want to learn about SET so you can find better ways to manage your r/ship? Please do tell us more detail

All the best

Ziggiddy