I'm slowly, but surely coming out the other side of an intense friendship with a pwBPD. I am still in the process of fully detaching and depersonalizing her behavior. We work for the same company, so it does make it difficult to avoid her at times. What I do know thus far is that I have survived her acting out, attention seeking and passive aggressive behavior since I have distanced myself from her. That's certainly not to say I haven't been hurt or felt pain from her actions. It means that I am continuing to move forward - beyond the madness and chaos - and focusing on me
In the midst of reflecting on what the hell happened and assessing my pain and anger, I looked back over my past relationships. One romantic relationship, in particular, caused me a lot of pain. At the time when it ended, I was left heartbroken and confused.
To cut a long story short... .I was living in another country on a working holiday. Met a guy and the relationship was intense from the get go
We were together for only a few months when, all of a sudden, he said he wanted to go on a holiday for a month. I asked him to wait until my work contract ended and I would go with him, but he refused. He called me every night saying he missed me and wanted to come back. If I wasn't home when he called, he would call back when I did get home and give me the third degree. He was only gone a week when he called and asked me to marry him. As it was completely out of the blue, and I was confused, I didn't give him an answer. I explained that it was a big decision and we had to give it some thought (obviously my intuition kicked in). He wasn't happy with that and told me not to wait too long before deciding
A week later when he called, he said that his ex housemates exgf offered to marry him for a certain amount of money, so he could stay in the country where we were living. He went on to say that he hadn't decided anything - he just wanted to be upfront and honest! He then informed me that, due to missing me so much, he was coming back early.
We went to dinner the night he came back. His reasoning for 'thinking' about an illegal marriage was for him to stay in the country for two years to make a lot of money then come to my home country as 'we are meant to be together'.
A few days later, his housemate was getting married, so we attended the wedding and reception. He pointed out the woman who offered to marry him as he wanted to be 'honest and upfront' with me. The following week he moved into the woman's house, in his own room. The reason for that... .it was a bigger room, he would get settled in then I could move in with him. I ended up moving into his old house he had shared with his friends.
So a month later, I called him from work and he broke up with me suddenly. I had spent the previous night staying with him, yet there were no signs of a breakup to come. He said it was due to him not working, not being in a good head space, and he didn't want to drag me down. I was absolutely heartbroken. None of it made sense at all.
A few days later came the revelation from his best mate, who I was sharing a house with. My exbf had already married the woman to stay in the country. They were married the same day as his mate. Everyone at the wedding reception of his mate knew, however were told not to say anything to me as I didn't know.
My whole world shattered that night. Stupidly, we did hook up a few times in the couple of months that followed. In the end, the only thing I could do to escape the pain and move on was to leave the country. So I did.
He made contact when I returned to my home country - still stating that he would move to be with me as 'we are meant to be together'. I ended up changing my phone number.
Ten years after this happened, he tracked me down on Facebook. He sent me an email reminiscing about old times and telling me he had thought about me a lot over the years. A couple of more emails came through then I blocked him. I realised I still carried pain from our breakup. Also, little did I know he was to marry a woman two months later. Funny how he didn't mention any woman in his communication to me
Now... .thanks to the encounter with my exBPD friend, I have my answer to what on earth happened all those years ago. I was in a romantic relationship with a BPD/NPD. Since educating myself on BPD traits, I realise now just how many of those he had. I feel like I finally have the last piece of the puzzle that had been missing for fifteen years.
I'm by no means happy about experiencing all the craziness with the exBPD friend, nor am I happy about having to heal from so much hurt, I am happy to have discovered Borderline Personality Disorder. If I hadn't, then I would not have found the missing piece of the puzzle
Wishing you all peace and happiness on your road to recovery