My mother is very difficult

[PSB]

Pls. Help. My mother's behaviour runs in cycles of three up and two own. I have  repeatedly asked her to get help, but categorically refuses as she is 'not crazy.'

She doesn't understand the meaning of limits, and seems to believe that we are one person.

I dont want to ride this emotional roller coaster with her any longer, but she keeps trying to get me back on at any cost. It is very difficult for me, and my husband to keep our cool, but we have busy lives with three children, one with special needs. 

What can I do if she refuses help?

[tjay933]

welcome to the family PSB 

sorry to hear you are having a hard time with you mom. you will find much support and helpful information on this site as well as many many willing hearing ears and loads of assistance and support. have you checked out the lessons on the side or how much to you know about BPD and do you feel your mom is BPD and what brings you to that conclusion? in other words, what specifically is your mom doing that is so upsetting regularly/currently?

[Harri]

Hi PSB.  It sounds like things are very difficult for you and your family and have been for a while.  I don't think there is anything you can do to get her in treatment especially is she is unable or unwilling to see that she has some less than stellar behaviors.  What you can do is learn how to protect yourself with boundaries even if she does not acknowledge them as they are for you alone.  There are also different communication techniques that with practice and *over time* can make a big difference in how you interact with her.

tjay asks some very good questions where your answers will help us better tailor any advice and can let us know which resources that are available on this site are most important for your situation.

I hope you return to tell us more of your story and that you keep posting here as there is a ton of support and understanding available too.

take care.

[Suzn]

Hello PSB

Welcome to bpdfamily.com. I'm really sorry you are going through a rough time with your mother.    I can hear your frustration in your words.

She doesn't understand the meaning of limits, and seems to believe that we are one person.

Can you tell us what this looks like in your daily life?

I dont want to ride this emotional roller coaster with her any longer, but she keeps trying to get me back on at any cost.  

You don't have to. We can help.

I'm looking forward to hearing more of your story PBS. Do keep posting, it helps.

[PSB]

Hi everyone, thanks for writing back.

My mom just tries to control everything in my life. If we agree that the kids will go over, she won't be home when we show up. We are then told that we should have waited... .No appointments are respected.

My oldest is a high-functioning ASD. We have strict rules for this child... .My mom will constantly do the opposite to start a fight.

She lies constantly. when confronted with the facts, everything is denied. The kids are starting to realse that something is 'off' with grandma.

I also have to come to terms with it.  Reading articles and all feedback. This is all so hard to accept... .Especially since this is a parent. What is the cause of BPD?

[tjay933]

What is the cause of BPD?

very good question. even the best brightest smartest doctors can't completely answer that one. they believe it is caused by either or both: genetics/environment/childhood abuse/trauma/abandonment

read up more on it and you may be able to figure out which causes you mom may have been subjected to that led her to this place. understanding that may help you to keep from repeating history and be able to see why she is this way even if you can't do anything about it.

stay safe.