Fear that Ex wont let me divorce her

[llor]

So I broke up NC with with my SOwBPD, was in NC for about 35 days now, when she e-mailed me today for a question I had no choice to anwser about our banking debt (come to think about it I think she tricked me). I tried to keep it as short as possible and then:

she said: "If you want to divorce me, we will have to discuss it more"

I said: "We will talk about it in June"

(we will be separated for a year now come June and legally will be able to ask for a divorce)


she then said: "Fine with me, I am in no rush to get divorced"

She had mentionned in the past before we had NC that she was regretting our split and wanted us to go to couples therapy. I told her Id rather shoot myself in the nuts with two white hot 6 in nails and initiated NC.

I am afraid however she will cling on to me as long as she can because she can't stand being alone. Anyone had difficulty convincing their ex to sign the goddamn paper and move on ? At this point, I am even considering sending her divorce papers through my lawyers in order to avoid the pain in the ass of dealing with her. On the other hand, does that makes me a coward that is unable to face my past ?

A bit unsure how to deal with this atm. Any advice would be appreciated

[tjay933]

do you need her to sign? I think if it's been a year, you can file and have the papers sent to her and if she doesn't contest something in them, then the divorce is on. at least it works that way here. check with your state for legalities on that.

[Mutt]

Hi llor,



I think you have the right idea with sending the papers through your L.

I think of divorce as a business transaction and unwinding the marriage.

I don't think your a coward, she's emotionally blackmailing you

she said: "If you want to divorce me, we will have to discuss it more"

she then said: "Fine with me, I am in no rush to get divorced"

I would suggest once you decide to let your L deal with the stress, that's what you pay an L for.


----Mutt

[llor]

Hi llor,



I think you have the right idea with sending the papers through your L.

I think of divorce as a business transaction and unwinding the marriage.

I don't think your a coward, she's emotionally blackmailing you

I would suggest once you decide to let your L deal with the stress, that's what you pay an L for.


----Mutt

Exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks Mutt !

[Leaving]

Hi llor,



I think you have the right idea with sending the papers through your L.

I think of divorce as a business transaction and unwinding the marriage.

I don't think your a coward, she's emotionally blackmailing you

I would suggest once you decide to let your L deal with the stress, that's what you pay an L for.


----Mutt

Exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks Mutt !

Oh gosh, so sorry you're dealing with this.  I really hate to sound like Debbie Downer but be prepared for a lot of passive-aggressive stalling that ends up costing you a heap with your attorney or otherwise and no results. I hope that doesn't happen to you but... .beware!    For example unwillingness to agree to terms, constantly changing her mind, avoiding accepting papers at the door, costly accidents or or ' necessary' unexpected expenses, cancelling or missing appts with her attorney, etc...   I live in VA and I found an attorney who specializes in passive-aggressive abuse and he warned me about how my husband will attempt to stall any progress that could end up costing me a lot of money in fees, etc... It's been a nightmare for me.  Every time we get to a point where I have enough money saved, he does something awful like last fall when he totaled his vehicle and all of our work equipment on our trailer ( not the first time).  He's trying to suck every penny he can out of me.   Find a really good attorney and make sure you communicate your concerns.  My brother has been in the same situation and he still isn't divorced after two years because his wife kept changing her mind and he can't afford to pay his attorney anymore money right now.  He's hoping she will meet someone else and become more agreeable.  It's already cost him 18,000 in legal fees.

[llor]

Oh gosh, so sorry you're dealing with this.  I really hate to sound like Debbie Downer but be prepared for a lot of passive-aggressive stalling that ends up costing you a heap with your attorney or otherwise and no results. I hope that doesn't happen to you but... .beware!    For example unwillingness to agree to terms, constantly changing her mind, avoiding accepting papers at the door, costly accidents or or ' necessary' unexpected expenses, cancelling or missing appts with her attorney, etc...   I live in VA and I found an attorney who specializes in passive-aggressive abuse and he warned me about how my husband will attempt to stall any progress that could end up costing me a lot of money in fees, etc... It's been a nightmare for me.  Every time we get to a point where I have enough money saved, he does something awful like last fall when he totaled his vehicle and all of our work equipment on our trailer ( not the first time).  He's trying to suck every penny he can out of me.   Find a really good attorney and make sure you communicate your concerns.  My brother has been in the same situation and he still isn't divorced after two years because his wife kept changing her mind and he can't afford to pay his attorney anymore money right now.  He's hoping she will meet someone else and become more agreeable.  It's already cost him 18,000 in legal fees.

Damn. Now you got me scared :S