I've had enough... In his mind I'm a cheater But I'm not. Somebody HELP ME

[Blkprl]

I've been with my partner for 5 years at the start it was fantastic... I have 3 girls from a previous relationship and he also has 2 children. I get along with his ex also.

It started a year into our relationship where we would go to party's or even to the mall , he would think I'm flirting with other guys oh and even girls. He says that I get wild when I've had a few drinks ( if me being happy, dancing and talking with other people is wild is there something wrong with me?) now it's gotten to the point that I've actually cheated on him! I went away to my parents house for the weekend and we had a few drinks , my parents had a few friends over anyway my Partner kept ringing me every half an hour to see what I was up to... I was so annoyed at that point because he kept asking the same stupid questions , what am I doing , who's there, what time you going to bed? Anyways he rang me again and I forgot to hang up the phone... That was it he heard me laughing and talking and ever since that night 2 years ago I haven't heard the last of it! He says I cheated ! I put the kids to bed and went to this mans room and had sex with him... I've had enough of the accusations the hurt ... It's been going on too long I've had enough. I had my family there that night my kids where there h, HIS kids where there like what the heck cheating doesn't even cross my mind!he says I don't love him or respect him like I used to... Well I've been treated like a tramp , been mentally abused and he expects me to love him like I used to? I'm done he's broken me . I'm so innocent I've never done anything to disrespect him. He's put me in such a depression that some times I feel suicidal. Please help can't deal with this anymore. I've told him I'd get a lie detector test and he's all for it but he doesn't go thru with it. I don't understand does he like punishing me for some thing I didnt do? That would prove my innocence wouldn't it?

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Michelle27]

When my husband made accusations like that to me (and I wasn't doing anything then either), it turns out that HE was cheating himself.  That was 4.5 years ago and it all just came out a couple months ago.  If I were you, I'd look into that... .

[Aurylian]

While it could be possible that he is cheating, the accusations of cheating by a pwBPD are very, very common even when they are not.  They see on some level they are damaged, so they assume you must want to cheat on them.

My BPDw has accused me many times, even though I rarely go anywhere and have no time to cheat, even if I did want to.  Here is what helped for me:

1) just repeat "I have not and am not cheating on you.  Now, how about those Seahawks . . ." or "Look, squirrel . . ."  Don't discuss or defend it, just say it once any time it comes up.  Be consistent.

2) tracking: I do not allow my wife to even though she tries every emo blackmail tactic in the book.  I don't want her spending her whole day tracking me and ruminating on what I might be doing.  No tracking and quote #1.  Besides, there is no amount of tracking or logic that will convince them you are not anyway.

3) Don't answer the phone.  "Honey, I'm going to a party at my parents and not cheating on you.  Because it is noisy and a lot will be going on I will have my phone off during that time."  Then enjoy the party.  Has answering the phone helped?  No. 

Their feelings lie to them and tell them you must be cheating.  There is not much you can do about that, so take care of yourself and don't give in to things that aren't going to help anyway.