Finally over

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

For me personally... .after all that I went through... .I find it humanly disturbing that I miss her.

Why do I feel that way?

It's like missing a car crash, or a terrible bout with the flu.

I don't think that I will ever understand that part.

I know the is no chance of there ever being any kind of adult understanding between us. Not possible. I would never willingly put my head in that guillotine again for any reason.

Good luck with that.

Saw my T today, he said it was a form of me punishing myself and no good will come out of a "friendship" or a relationship with this women I need to let her go .

So hard , so so hard

Your T is correct, for sure... .hold on to the fact that it will get easier over time... .   

[jhkbuzz]

For me personally... .after all that I went through... .I find it humanly disturbing that I miss her.

Why do I feel that way?

It's like missing a car crash, or a terrible bout with the flu.

I don't think that I will ever understand that part.

I know the is no chance of there ever being any kind of adult understanding between us. Not possible. I would never willingly put my head in that guillotine again for any reason.

Good luck with that.

Saw my T today, he said it was a form of me punishing myself and no good will come out of a "friendship" or a relationship with this women I need to let her go .

So hard , so so hard

Your T is correct, for sure... .hold on to the fact that it will get easier over time... .   

[Infared]

For me personally... .after all that I went through... .I find it humanly disturbing that I miss her.

Why do I feel that way?

It's like missing a car crash, or a terrible bout with the flu.

I don't think that I will ever understand that part.

I know the is no chance of there ever being any kind of adult understanding between us. Not possible. I would never willingly put my head in that guillotine again for any reason.

Good luck with that.

Saw my T today, he said it was a form of me punishing myself and no good will come out of a "friendship" or a relationship with this women I need to let her go .

So hard , so so hard

I am down with that... .it's the hardest thing that I've ever had to do in my life. Bar none. I have worked hard at it... .and today I will not even have a conversation with her for any reason. She does not deserve that from me, after the way I was repeatedly treated.   I don,t have to be mean about it or full of drama like her, either... .I can love me and just say "no thank you"... .or nothing at all and just walk. It does not serve me... .end of story... .long painful road to get to that place... .but I am there.  You can get there, too!

[dobie]

Six months and I'm still grieving never lost so much in a r/s as this before .

I don't think she will accept anyway , I'm no longer needed and she is still full of anger & resentment over xyz .

I just wanted to take something at least from all this hurt hence my genuine offer of friendship

[Infared]

Six months and I'm still grieving never lost so much in a r/s as this before .

I don't think she will accept anyway , I'm no longer needed and she is still full of anger & resentment over xyz .

I just wanted to take something at least from all this hurt hence my genuine offer of friendship

We are here because we were involved with people that we or others believe have a personality disorder. My experience would be that my pwBPD is not capable of friendship.

Friend definition:

1.

a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

My expwBPD's actions (not words), show me that she is not capable of friendship, with me or anyone else. ... but we all have to do our best to assess our own situations., perhaps yours is different.

[dobie]

Six months and I'm still grieving never lost so much in a r/s as this before .

I don't think she will accept anyway , I'm no longer needed and she is still full of anger & resentment over xyz .

I just wanted to take something at least from all this hurt hence my genuine offer of friendship

We are here because we were involved with people that we or others believe have a personality disorder. My experience would be that my pwBPD is not capable of friendship.

Friend definition:

1.

a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

My expwBPD's actions (not words), show me that she is not capable of friendship, with me or anyone else. ... but we all have to do our best to assess our own situations., perhaps yours is different.

Yeah no doubt mine is a user , I just guess I want to take something from the six years .

I guess as well I care and worry about her and know she really has hardly anyone else who really cares .

[Infared]

Six months and I'm still grieving never lost so much in a r/s as this before .

I don't think she will accept anyway , I'm no longer needed and she is still full of anger & resentment over xyz .

I just wanted to take something at least from all this hurt hence my genuine offer of friendship

We are here because we were involved with people that we or others believe have a personality disorder. My experience would be that my pwBPD is not capable of friendship.

Friend definition:

1.

a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

My expwBPD's actions (not words), show me that she is not capable of friendship, with me or anyone else. ... but we all have to do our best to assess our own situations., perhaps yours is different.

Yeah no doubt mine is a user , I just guess I want to take something from the six years .

I guess as well I care and worry about her and know she really has hardly anyone else who really cares .

I wish mine had the capability to connect with me on a level that I was able to connect with her. She didn't or wasn't able to.  In the end she discarded and outright abused me. Repeatedly.  Their is no love or friendship there, right?  She moved and had new supply move in with her... .immediately... .then she started doing drive-byes at my home.  One time she pulled in... I said what do you want... ."I wanted to say, Hi."    Me... ."... Hi" (sarcastic tone)... .I stood there and looked at her blank face... then... .I certainly was not going to pursue her, she was living with another man afterall... . I walked in the house.

If that is not mental illness... .what is?  There is nothing there to work with.

[dobie]

Six months and I'm still grieving never lost so much in a r/s as this before .

I don't think she will accept anyway , I'm no longer needed and she is still full of anger & resentment over xyz .

I just wanted to take something at least from all this hurt hence my genuine offer of friendship

We are here because we were involved with people that we or others believe have a personality disorder. My experience would be that my pwBPD is not capable of friendship.

Friend definition:

1.

a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

My expwBPD's actions (not words), show me that she is not capable of friendship, with me or anyone else. ... but we all have to do our best to assess our own situations., perhaps yours is different.

Yeah no doubt mine is a user , I just guess I want to take something from the six years .

I guess as well I care and worry about her and know she really has hardly anyone else who really cares .

I wish mine had the capability to connect with me on a level that I was able to connect with her. She didn't or wasn't able to.  In the end she discarded and outright abused me. Repeatedly.  Their is no love or friendship there, right?  She moved and had new supply move in with her... .immediately... .then she started doing drive-byes at my home.  One time she pulled in... I said what do you want... ."I wanted to say, Hi."    Me... ."... Hi" (sarcastic tone)... .I stood there and looked at her blank face... then... .I certainly was not going to pursue her, she was living with another man afterall... . I walked in the house.

If that is not mental illness... .what is?  There is nothing there to work with.

I don't know if mine has tbh I hope she has enough humanity about her to she never cheated on me AFAIK .

More I became of no use , her paranoia distrust and issues broke us up ... .she discarded me in a very selfish way nearly broke me .

But I have comppasion for her any myself I don't want to take nothing but anger and hurt away after six years its more for me than her but we will see she has not replied to the email and I sent it Monday night .

[dobie]

My bro told me she felt bad for the way she broke up with me and even said she couldn't see or speak to me in case she came back in the early days

No, she's saying that because she wants you to be around, in case she ever needs you again. pwBPD do not feel bad for things they have done. If they had, they would reflect on their behavior and adjust it over time.

If she wants me around then why no answer to my email with a genuine offer of friendship 6 months out  ? She looks happy on FB out with girls , trips abroad she never once asked my bro if we could stay friends she did in the first few weeks but I rebuffed her offer .


Its all about her I guess she does not NEED me as a friend .

No final message to me , nothing just an amicable conversation in the first few weeks of the BU .

No I'm sorry for what I did , no closure just a " I do care about xxxxx you cant spend 6+ years and not care (words no actions) I want him to be happy and wish the best for him " to my bro

[Infared]

Dobie... .you have to remember... .this is on her time clock... .not yours.  She is not going to contact you when you want her to... .

When you talked about you brother exchanging things for you, you said:

"I'm surprised she even had the cheek to meet him face to face ."

... .again... .you have to realize... .BPD's are not like us. They can just flip a switch. It's not normal. They are not built like us and to have the expectation that they will behave like us (or like they did when mirroring us), is our most painful downfall. They will not. It is gruesome for us to realize this. They have a dissociative disorder. She had no problem meeting with you brother... .it's just a little game for her... .there is no depth or feeling behind it.

Once I started to see who she actually was... .I got a T, started to sort the truth from the lies and surrounded myself with support... .I had to see the reality and heal... .I was left no choice... .

It is heart-wrenching... but it can get better.

[dobie]

Yeah I guess its about control as well leaving me "hanging" what I don't get is her saying to my bro she should have left me a year ago but that if she has seen me early on in the BU she was worried I would convince her to stay and she would have for another year or two  


She said she was too cowardly to leave me earlier , but then was worried I would use my svengali like powers to keep her with me for another year or two ?

My bro told her THATS NORMAL you try and work things out its not manipulation  she looked stumped

[Infared]

Yeah I guess its about control as well leaving me "hanging" what I don't get is her saying to my bro she should have left me a year ago but that if she has seen me early on in the BU she was worried I would convince her to stay and she would have for another year or two  


She said she was too cowardly to leave me earlier , but then was worried I would use my svengali like powers to keep her with me for another year or two ?

My bro told her THATS NORMAL you try and work things out its not manipulation  she looked stumped

Yes... .and please notice that there is a person with no real sense of self... . Their need for us attracted us to them (in an unhealthy way)... .They just cling on to others... .they are not and can not be a whole person... .

I kept expecting this person to be "stand up" and reach an understanding with me for closure, but that just will not happen with a person with this type of (I believe), childhood damage.

We just have to move on... .there is nothing there to work with. They are wired very differently.

I slowly had to get to that place where I was like "I hope she is OK, but I have to have no contact with her... .it just isn't healthy for me in any way, shape or form". It's upsetting, but we CAN heal!

[dobie]

Yeah I guess its about control as well leaving me "hanging" what I don't get is her saying to my bro she should have left me a year ago but that if she has seen me early on in the BU she was worried I would convince her to stay and she would have for another year or two  


She said she was too cowardly to leave me earlier , but then was worried I would use my svengali like powers to keep her with me for another year or two ?

My bro told her THATS NORMAL you try and work things out its not manipulation  she looked stumped

Yes... .and please notice that there is a person with no real sense of self... . Their need for us attracted us to them (in an unhealthy way)... .They just cling on to others... .they are not and can not be a whole person... .

I kept expecting this person to be "stand up" and reach an understanding with me for closure, but that just will not happen with a person with this type of (I believe), childhood damage.

We just have to move on... .there is nothing there to work with. They are wired very differently.

I slowly had to get to that place where I was like "I hope she is OK, but I have to have no contact with her... .it just isn't healthy for me in any way, shape or form". It's upsetting, but we CAN heal!

Thanks bro is what she said evidence of that then ? A sense of no self ?

[Infared]

Yeah I guess its about control as well leaving me "hanging" what I don't get is her saying to my bro she should have left me a year ago but that if she has seen me early on in the BU she was worried I would convince her to stay and she would have for another year or two  


She said she was too cowardly to leave me earlier , but then was worried I would use my svengali like powers to keep her with me for another year or two ?

My bro told her THATS NORMAL you try and work things out its not manipulation  she looked stumped

Yes... .and please notice that there is a person with no real sense of self... . Their need for us attracted us to them (in an unhealthy way)... .They just cling on to others... .they are not and can not be a whole person... .

I kept expecting this person to be "stand up" and reach an understanding with me for closure, but that just will not happen with a person with this type of (I believe), childhood damage.

We just have to move on... .there is nothing there to work with. They are wired very differently.

I slowly had to get to that place where I was like "I hope she is OK, but I have to have no contact with her... .it just isn't healthy for me in any way, shape or form". It's upsetting, but we CAN heal!

Thanks bro is what she said evidence of that then ? A sense of no self ?

Let's turn this around... .you are in a relationship and you don't really want to be there, but you let the other person convince you that you should stay in the relationship.  HUH? Where is your sense of self?  You are just hanging around and doing what someone else wants. You have no passion or desire to be there, but you will stay because of someone convincing you?  

Isn't that a person with no sense of self? Standing back, would you want to be the other person in that relationship?

People do fall out of love, but adults sit down and talk through things and are respectful of one another.  They stay and work things out because they BOTH desire it and think that there is something valuable in their relationship ( and maybe go to counseling), or they agree to part, painfully many times.

In my interaction with my exBPD at the end it was like trying to get adult connection from a lying 9-year old (she was 35 years old).  Nothing good was going to come from me contacting her... .it was a brutal awareness on my part and very emotionally painful... .but I had to see the truth to save me and have no contact... .

Your situation is different, but their are similarities.

[dobie]

Yeah I guess its about control as well leaving me "hanging" what I don't get is her saying to my bro she should have left me a year ago but that if she has seen me early on in the BU she was worried I would convince her to stay and she would have for another year or two  


She said she was too cowardly to leave me earlier , but then was worried I would use my svengali like powers to keep her with me for another year or two ?

My bro told her THATS NORMAL you try and work things out its not manipulation  she looked stumped

Yes... .and please notice that there is a person with no real sense of self... . Their need for us attracted us to them (in an unhealthy way)... .They just cling on to others... .they are not and can not be a whole person... .

I kept expecting this person to be "stand up" and reach an understanding with me for closure, but that just will not happen with a person with this type of (I believe), childhood damage.

We just have to move on... .there is nothing there to work with. They are wired very differently.

I slowly had to get to that place where I was like "I hope she is OK, but I have to have no contact with her... .it just isn't healthy for me in any way, shape or form". It's upsetting, but we CAN heal!

Thanks bro is what she said evidence of that then ? A sense of no self ?

Let's turn this around... .you are in a relationship and you don't really want to be there, but you let the other person convince you that you should stay in the relationship.  HUH? Where is your sense of self?  You are just hanging around and doing what someone else wants. You have no passion or desire to be there, but you will stay because of someone convincing you?  

Isn't that a person with no sense of self? Standing back, would you want to be the other person in that relationship?

People do fall out of love, but adults sit down and talk through things and are respectful of one another.  They stay and work things out because they BOTH desire it and think that there is something valuable in their relationship ( and maybe go to counseling), or they agree to part, painfully many times.

In my interaction with my exBPD at the end it was like trying to get adult connection from a lying 9-year old (she was 35 years old).  Nothing good was going to come from me contacting her... .it was a brutal awareness on my part and very emotionally painful... .but I had to see the truth to save me and have no contact... .

Your situation is different, but their are similarities.

Yeah unless it was more guilt ? I don't know her behaviours and actions are just not normal mature or healthy BPD or not .

I think she wanted to leave for a long time but just could not do it .

Push /pull I don't know but after six years to just act like she has shows deff traits of a pwpd not a mature healthy 30 year old women .

She admitted to my bro she needs someone with a strong personality like mine as she is pretty empty ... .even her new friends are strong will full characters .