Going NC with exBPDgf that I work with

[simpleman]

Hi all,

Just a few days ago I ended a 7 month relationship with my BPDgf. Same story as many I have read here. The relationship had eroded me emotionally and physically to the point where I couldn't function.  I have great empathy for my ex but feel that NC is the right thing. My issue is that we work in the same building.  Different departments but she comes to my department a few times a day and interacts with coworkers in plain sight of me.  I can't shut my office door - its just not acceptable in my department.

Since the breakup she has ramped up her visits and goes out of her way to sound like the happiest person in the world. I know its a mask so I could see it for what it was but it is contact.

We began our friendship years ago by going for walks on our lunch breaks. The same day that she had the happy mask on I happened to see her walking like we used to looking very sad. That really messed with my heart because I was her rescuer and still have the impulse to do that.  It was soo hard but I resisted temptation and went back in the building and I think she saw me.

So the question is how do I deal with this situation? 

The breakup just happened so I am still VERY VERY sad that she is such a beautiful person but will not get to experience all the love and dreams we had when it is not it her fault. It tears me up. I am typing this through tears.  So I am very ripe for a relapse.

Please help.

Thanks so much.

[sixthsense]

Hi Simpleman,

Our circumstances are similar in a lot of ways. I understand your tears and pain.

Can I ask what was the breaking point for you that caused you to invoke NC?

You had to do what was best for you. Stay strong!

Sixthsense

[ShadowIntheNight]

Hey simple, sorry to hear about your experience. Let me just say welcome. Also, you have to realize that the dreams that you say she wants will never materialize, probably would not have happened even if you stayed. Once you start reading these post you'll find many instances where people who were "living the dream" are abruptly cut off with no real reason given. It seems individuals with BPD like to sabotage their relationships. Since abandonment and enmeshment are at the core of their disorders, they (in my mind anyway) illogically will cut off the relationship as soon as they get close to those dreams.

So while you are believing you won't get to give her those things, she in reality was probably never going to take them anyway. Does that make sense? As I said, once you start reading, you may realize that no matter how perfect you were, it wasn't going to matter in the end. Sad for them to have to live that way. But unless they seek diligent help, it's their unfortunate destiny.

[ghoststory]

know that feeling as I have a BPD situation with a co worker and made a friend on here who also is going through it as well ,,mine as we were not really friends however in fact clashed in many ways had a period of getting along ,she approached me to say she was happy that we were and we made plans to go out and BOOM the idealization state began we went out again and after though flattered and she is quite attractive felt there was something odd about the situation and plus hearing the my boyfriend is horrible thought a rebound with a co worker is not a good situation ,

I withdrew but said I care and value her and hope we could  be friends,,and we were briefly always talking the phase passed and we returned to the normal a little butting heads but always talked it out, but little by little she started doing little strange things now when we have a disagreement she would find ways to get in trouble telling bosses things I told her in private ,,one day she even posted on facebook about people getting what they deserve minuets before I got called into the office for another round of trouble ,,

I always tried to diffuse the situation asking her if she was upset and to please talk it out with me she denied she was of course ,,

one night she obviously was picking a fight I ignored it but after one to many pop offs I reacted and the painted black phase began a raging fit  the silent treatment  the smearing the allegations I bother her the refusing to work with me the smearing ,,I after going to the grocery store next door found out she leveled a complaint I was lurking after her in the parking lot ,,I now stressed and hurt and embarrassed still tried to work it out for the sake of peace ,, she after a month became my boss and talked with me assuring me all is ok I was said ok but also hated her for the stress went LC ,, short answers no emotion avoiding her ,,I suffered of course hour cuts and write ups and one last attempt to resolve our problems of course was met with the we aren't friends that was a mistake but we are on good terms and I need time to forgive you ,,blah blah blah ,,I returned to LC and decided it was over no matter the job situation ,and at all chance ignored her completely and she seemed fine laughing having fun always smiling ,,but two months later she was showing signs of it bothering her an attempted "hi" here and there following me after I would speak to someone to engage them right after,, once in a huge walkway accidently? bumped into me ,, I however behind her back was asking for a transfer based on other reasons and it was granted and just like that I am gone and on NC ,,I still have a stigma attached to me in my workplace and will have to leave the company asap but the nightmare is over ,,she is a you have to approach her type of BPD so her trying to contact me seems little chance ... .there is no win situations with them she may seem sad she may seem happy but they live in the right now and angel or nightmare always awaits ,,best to be LC and NC if possible I know however how the workplace makes it a bit harder but stay strong you deserve better ,,