15-year-old probably has BPD

[Hoping2Cope]

Although we have yet to get a formal diagnosis, our daughter has many of the symptoms of BPD. She has self-injured, has an eating disorder, has abused drugs (and is currently in rehab), has had dissociative episodes, has been promiscuous, has been molested, etc. etc. My husband and I are struggling to figure out how to proceed when she is out of rehab. She wants to be out of our house at a boarding school or similar. I am hoping to get some advice.

Hoping2Cope

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hello Hoping2Cope   

Welcome to the site and the Parent's Board!  We are happy to have you here.

I'm sorry about your daughter's struggles, and I know how hard this is for you and your family. 

I'm glad to know that she is an a rehab program.  How long is her program?

Having co morbid disorders can really complicate our ability to understand what is causing our child's behaviors so we aren't sure what to do or how to respond.  A good place to start, that will be appropriate and effective would be learning to communicate with her differently/beneficially.  Learning how to validate her is one of those skills.

Here is a brief introduction to validation with a really good companion video:

Validate the Valid 

When I learned how to validate consistently and authentically it made a big difference in how I felt about myself as a parent, my relationship with my daughter, and how my daughter and I communicated.  The rages decreased and we began to have real and meaningful conversations.  We began to build trust between ourselves again.  After you see the video there is a workshop you can read/participate in as well. COMMUNICATION... .Stop Invalidating Others.  You can reply there with any questions you may have or you can start a new topic here on the Parent's board and get replies.  Whatever you believe will serve you the best.

How do you feel about your daughter wanting to go to a Boarding School?  Do you think she just believes that she would be better off away from home?  My daughter used to tell me she would rather live on the street than live at home.  Would a therapeutic boarding school or RTC be an option you are open to?

Has your d15 participated in any outpatient therapy before?  Is it helping?

I look forward to your reply to learn more about you and how to support you.

lbjnltx

[DreamGirl]

Hi Having2Cope,

It sounds like your daughter has been through a lot.  :'(

I know that a lot of times the secondary issues are getting treated (like drug and alcohol abuse), before the primary issue can be addressed.

While she is in rehab, are her counselors advising you of how to move forward?

She sounds like she's got a lot of anger to deal with. Shame.

Running away (to a boarding school) is just another coping skill. But, I wonder if a residential facility is an option? So she can continue to work on her mental health and her relationship with your family.

You are definitely in the right place here where you can find some skills to help your relationship with her (just like lbjnltx suggested with some pretty straight forward communication skills).

Welcome to our family.  

~DreamGirl

[beach glass]

Hi.  I replied but my post was split into a post of it's own.  My daughter is similar. 

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=273874.0

[beach glass]

My reply above is talking about going to court to have the county place her in residential treatment or foster care.  I am not going to be paying $7500/month for it myself.  We have exhausted the health insurance benefits.

[livednlearned]

Hi Hoping2Cope,

I wanted to say hi, and to see how you're doing. You have a lot on your plate. You mention that you have not yet received a formal diagnosis. Is this something that doctors in rehab are in a position to do?

When does she get out of rehab? Please tell us more when you're comfortable doing so, and check with us to let us know how things are going for you.



LnL