What are some time frames for your healing?

[Reecer1588]

Hey guys, today is day 44 of strict NC with my uBPDexgf. Feeling pretty good today.

Anyways, I wanted to ask those of you (and most all of you know the context of my story now) what y'all believe the time frame for full healing is? And is there such a thing as 'full healing' from this?

Many of you have been in much longer relationships than I have, many of you in shorter.

What was your 'timeframe?'

How far are y'all along with y'alls healing timewise, basically?

And how long have you personally been in NC with your ex's? (Including them not trying to contact you)

Thanks all

[proust1986]

Hey guys, today is day 44 of strict NC with my uBPDexgf. Feeling pretty good today.

Anyways, I wanted to ask those of you (and most all of you know the context of my story now) what y'all believe the time frame for full healing is? And is there such a thing as 'full healing' from this?

Many of you have been in much longer relationships than I have, many of you in shorter.

What was your 'timeframe?'

How far are y'all along with y'alls healing timewise, basically?

And how long have you personally been in NC with your ex's? (Including them not trying to contact you)

Thanks all

Hi, Reecer. I think the "timeline" is different for each person depending upon the nature of the BPD relationship (length and intensity) plus each person's individual temperament and baggage from the past (previous family and relationship issues, etc.). I've been 5 months NC since my dBPDgf very abruptly dumped me after a very intense 5 month long relationship. I've been seeing a therapist for about 4.5 months since the breakup and have experienced some healing, but I still have many days and moments where the pain and hurt is very, very intense (I have to see my ex frequently, btw). My therapist says it may take a year or more for the pain to really begin to recede into the background so long as I continue to work on my own issues and take care of myself (it also helps that I'll be moving, starting a new career, etc. in the coming months). Any rate, hope this helps. Take care.

[Mutt]

It took me around a year until the intense pain receded.

I was in a relationship with a person with BPD traits for 7 and a half years or so.

Everyone copes differently and have different healing paths.

I have kids and did minimal contact for about a year and a half and I have contact after having done a lot of the healing, understanding BPD,  depersonalizing her behaviors and working on my responses and triggers.

[Jmanster]

Just like any other addiction or habit in life, it take the brain 3 months to start a new routine. In order for the "3 month rule" to work, you must not have any association with her, no contact, no social media. If you do this, you will heal completely within 3 months. I am two weeks away from hitting 3 months of NC and I am feeling really well. I will be able to start another relationship with somebody else very soon. Keep your head up

[Reecer1588]

Just like any other addiction or habit in life, it take the brain 3 months to start a new routine. In order for the "3 month rule" to work, you must not have any association with her, no contact, no social media. If you do this, you will heal completely within 3 months. I am two weeks away from hitting 3 months of NC and I am feeling really well. I will be able to start another relationship with somebody else very soon. Keep your head up

This is an interesting concept, one I'm not familiar with. To tell you the truth, I still do look at her social media. Most often I look at her 'pinterest', this is because she sometimes posts things that make me think she is still thinking about me. Today she posted "How to deal with being single on Facebook, I prefer the status "Independently Owned and Operated over "Singe." She also posted this: The first step to getting what you want is having the courage to get rid of what you don't  :'(  OF course I was the "Thing" That needed "Getting Rid of." I understand I need to break this habit.

Out of curiosity: Does anyone know how this rule would work for someone with BPD?

[Reecer1588]

Mutt, that must be hard having to maintain any form of contact. Also, it must have been one hell of a year for you!

[FlyingAway]

Just like any other addiction or habit in life, it supposedly take the brain 3 months to start a new routine. In order for the "3 month rule" to work, you must not have any association with her, no contact, no social media. If you do this, you will heal completely within 3 months.

Unfortunately, this is not true. I'd read about the 3-month theory that it takes 3 months to get over a drug habit. While it does get easier over time, I've been NC with my xBPD for over 5 months, and it's still painful. There's no question, though, that I feel better than I did. Working with my therapist, staying active with friends and family, and nearly 2 years of meditation have helped me to be aware of difficult feelings about her, and to let them go as often as they come.

My ex and I were friends for 4 years before we entered into our "interaction," and were involved emotionally and physically for 6  1/2 years, in case that helps as a frame of reference.

[Deeno02]

Theres no expiration date dude. You take as much time as you need to come to terms with this. Some take 2 months, some 2 years. Do what feels right. Its been 7 months now for me and I can tell you she does not rent space in my head anymore. She visits, but shes not living there rent free.

[Jmanster]

Even though I agree with all of your responses, I like to give myself a deadline of the healing process. This way I can train to just say no to thinking about her. I know that for some people it does not work but it looks like, if done right it can be. No pictures, Facebook, instagram, social media of any kind, that can trigger a thought of her, and you will be 10000000% better in a few months.

[Rifka]

Reecer,

I thought I was at the finish line, but was only at the beginning of another event. I didn't understand the extent of all the damage that was caused within myself from my childhood that this BPD relationship brought out but it did.

When I came here to the BPT family I was already done with my R/s and just at the beginning of getting out of the fog. I worked so hard to to figure out things about my relationship without realizing that it really wasn't about my borderline. It was totally about me. So now it's seven months out of that craziness and I'm in a great new relationship and still dealing with my own childhood issues and triggers from my borderline which in reality goes back to triggers from my childhood.I don't know what the answer is to a time Period of when it end,but maybe it never does maybe it's just a process of healing and getting to a peaceful place not necessarily a final healed place but a place of peace, acceptance of ourselves and pains of our pasts.

Just a thought!

Me and my new guy go so deep into our thoughts and pains together with such tender caring arms and words. He brought a great point out. I have been in survivor mode my entire life, so has he. This person we both encountered made us believe we could put that guard down and trust that we were finally safe and could relax only to have been deceived in our own minds. A total mind f... .  Maybe, We deceived ourselves, fooled ourselves and then punish ourselves for feeling so exposed and being wrong. For finally trusting us?

I am not looking for a finish time! Yes it would be great to make believe it's over about my pains and childhood scars, but then I would have to be over and I know I'm just beginning to be the healthy me that I needed to go so deep and fix the very damaged me.

I feel great! I examine me and comfort myself in knowing this is a long, good, healthy process.

Pain is not always bad, I find it helpful in appreciating the pleasure of slowly healing.

Rifka

[nowwhatz]

Reecer It has been 45 days and following your story I would have to say you are doing really well.

It has been about 30 days for me and I can feel that I am becoming more like myself again.  I think for me it will take about a year or longer to muddle through this.  Like the others say it is different for everyone.

I too peak at the social media on FB and it does me not a lot of good but also a subtle reminder of what I left... .the self-absorption than dominates her life comes out there.  Not that it is any consolation but it is harder for them than it is for us.

When cleaning up my emails I came across an email I sent to her from Jan 2014 after she flaked out on a job opportunity I had set up for her. What amazed me was the sincerity, content, and candidness of my letter demonstrated that, at that time, I was not emotionally attached to her... .this came after a long period of separation and then she contacted me again... .but for approximately 4 months I was able to remain detached.

My point is that I had gone through a lot of healing during those months of separation.  The email letter looked like it was written by a person I do not even know anymore... .but nevertheless was proof that healing was possible... .and I made a mental note to refer to letter if I am feeling like a loser.

In time we will get a lot better.

[CloseToFreedom]

It has been almost 4 months for me now. I've had a relationship for 4,5 years, and within that timeframe close to 10 recycles. Longest pause was a few months. So that means that this has been the longest time I've been without her.

All I can say is I wish I've done this sooner. I don't think it is easy - it is incredibly hard for me and I'm in therapy and on anti depressives. But the FOG and the heartbreak are truly, slowly lifting now. I feel much better than a few months ago, hell, better than a month ago. I suspect that I will be pretty much over her by summer, at least I hope.

[Invictus01]

I guess it all depends how long you were together... .But if it was relatively short... .I'd say 6-12 months because these relationships tend to be bat$hit crazy intense... .

[Maternus]

I can't say, where I am in the healing process. I'm more that 100 days of NC with uBPDex, and she is no longer my problem. My problem is my family, especially my father. I don't know what he is, BPD, NPD or ASPD - but he's definitely a Cluster-B-Personality. And the rest of my family is a bunch enablers or disordered themselves. My father did so much damage to me, my life, my relationships, but no one in my family accepts my need to go strictly NC with him. I told them about all the abuse I had to suffer from him, from sexual abuse in my childhood to the most brutal emotional abuse I ever had to suffer some years ago, when I was in hospital with a pneumonia and my father was sending me on a guilt trip about everything that went wrong in my life. He came in like a predator and didn't stop, even when I broke down crying - and I was recovering from a real life-threatening situation at that time. I was in the most vulnerable state ever in my life and he saw his chance to make me suffer even more. This is what he always did. Whenever I felt good about me, he found something to bring me back down.

My uBPDex was much like him. And I think that was the reason, why I fell in love with her. She was so like my father, who never loved me, and I wanted to be loved by someone, who is so grandiose, so cool, so confident like him. I thought, I found the love, I was longing for all my life. But I just found the mirror of the disordered love, I got from my father.  

[Reecer1588]

Reecer It has been 45 days and following your story I would have to say you are doing really well.

That means a lot to me. My parents, friends and sister would certainly disagree with you there though! I'm trying to live and not just exist now. I know that the community here has been following my stories, I've been in contact with multiple members around the world in outside communication (even have a hookup in Spain now!) which I think is Really cool. I can not express the gratitude I have for y'all.

I too peak at the social media on FB and it does me not a lot of good but also a subtle reminder of what I left... .the self-absorption than dominates her life comes out there.

I only saw a handful of pictures of my ex on facebook as her profile is private. Other girls' sometimes have public pictures with her in it. Physically speaking, she barely resembles the girl I dated. The weight gain, the teeth, the way she stands, her choice of clothes, all different now. She is really trying hard to be a cowgirl of sorts now. The kind of girls she is surrounding herself with are... .well... .weird. Strange. Different. Call it what you will. But they're the kind of people that are just crazy enough to believe her smears, and not abandon her. You are you associate with. And for her, she's associating herself with a lot of strange, different girls. So you can figure where I'm going with that (she herself is becoming a strange girl.) Even during our whole relationship, I was her only friend who was just a normal kind of person. Without my influence now, she's going deep-end strange.

The social media of hers that is really enlightening is her 'Pinterest.' I can view this anonymously, and I've known for a long time that she posts exactly how she feels/what she is thinking about. Here's the observation: 45 days later and she still posts 'rage quotes' like "The first step to getting what you want is getting rid of what you don't." And she posts a ton of crap about "Being a single girl." Where the weird comes in is every few days or so, she'll post a huge bunch of wedding photos, bridesmaid's dresses, altars, bouquets, you can tell that she does indeed want that fantasy romance commonly associated with Borderlines' wants/desires.

I guess it all depends how long you were together... .

I was with my ex for about 15 months. Since Feb 6th of 2015 I have been strict NC with her under threat of legal ramifications if I try to contact her in any way, including liking something of her's on facebook (I blocked her weeks ago) or anything like that.

bat$hit crazy intense... .

That would be an understatement for me  

and within that timeframe close to 10 recycles. Longest pause was a few months

I have not had any recycles with my ex. When she burned and sh** on all the bridges in between us this past January, it was the first time I have ever seen her behave in a truly disordered way. I have absolutely no control over whether my ex ever decides to contact me again. I know that she has not found a new boyfriend. I know that she is really letting herself go physically, and probably eating 24 hours a day. I can ascertain from her 'Pinterest' that she is not raging at me as much as she used to, so it looks like the anger cycle she has towards might be winding down, she still thinks about me daily, and as I was her only outlet for a long time for emotional support, I'm sure that (and her body reflects this) her mind is just eating her alive. Most people have told me that she is unlikely to try and recycle me.

BPD wise- I have read literature that this time in a persons' life (18-19 years old) is around when BPD often fully manifests itself. She might also have hormonal imbalances, as someone else pointed out to me, the change in her face, the way she looks, might indicate that. Hard to say. She really looks to be a very different, very much an estranged person to me now. Her eyes just look empty now, and it cuts me deeply to see that. I mean that. I would rather see her happy with another guy who fulfills her than this, she just looks completely empty now, all of her pictures the smile is totally fake. Her eyes are always mostly empty now. Go back and look at pictures where she's with me, she's full of genuine happiness and she has innocent eyes. God it's sad.

Were she to try and recycle me in the future, I would have to change back to the [L2] boards depending on whether she would listen to what I have to say, would make an attempt to reconcile with me, so on and so forth.

I feel great! I examine me and comfort myself in knowing this is a long, good, healthy process.

Pain is not always bad, I find it helpful in appreciating the pleasure of slowly healing.

This healing process has been slow for me, slower than my family and friends expected it would be. I can not say at this time that I 'feel great', but looking at before/after pics of my 30 pound weight loss, I know that I feel pretty good. I would have never learned all the communication skills I'm learning now were it not for this ordeal. In that respect, I'm thankful.

You are very right about the pain.

Thank you all for listening to me,


~Reece

[nowwhatz]

Reece that is great you have so many in your support system!

You mentioned not being able to contact or "like" on social media.    I have not "liked" anything on her pages or made any comments on my social media pages related to her in any way.   I do however go out of my way to "check in" at any fun places or events I am going to because I know it gets broadcasted to her or her spies haha. 

To give you some hope I should say I actually went on a fun date last night with a person who is my "type" and was surprised to see how many interests we had in common. The exgf never crossed my mind during this good time with a "normal" person.

[Reecer1588]

Reece that is great you have so many in your support system!

You mentioned not being able to contact or "like" on social media.    I have not "liked" anything on her pages or made any comments on my social media pages related to her in any way.   I do however go out of my way to "check in" at any fun places or events I am going to because I know it gets broadcasted to her or her spies haha. 

To give you some hope I should say I actually went on a fun date last night with a person who is my "type" and was surprised to see how many interests we had in common. The exgf never crossed my mind during this good time with a "normal" person.

That's awesome man! Aside from some people we mutually knew in highschool that go to her college (maybe 4-5 people) she and I don't really have any ''mutual" people or places. So no way for me to "give her spies something" haha.

I just got the advice that "if she calls you, have stuff that you can be proud of that you can tell her": I like this advice a lot and It's exactly what my goal is.

[jhkbuzz]

8 year r/s; 7 months post b/u; a little over 5 months n/c.

Pain was intense for the first several months then verrrrrrrrry slowly started getting better.  Seeing a T to help me process the aftermath of this r/s has been a godsend.

Feeling pretty good these days.  On the days that I feel intense pain (few and far between), I'm recognizing that the pain doesn't actually have anything to do with my ex; it's more that the r/s (or her chaotic behavior) triggered something in ME that I need to work on and heal.

And that's what I'm doing these days... .working on me - not focusing nearly as much on understanding the ins and outs of BPD.  That's another sign to me that I'm moving forward.

[Blimblam]

My RS was just short of a year and I'm a year and 3 months out from the innitiall break up I didn't decide it was over untill about 10 months ago.  

I still have a lot to work through although it is not necessarily about my ex she is more of a part of a larger pattern.  

It's this nagging ball of doubt and repressed emotions in my gut that gets sometimes choked up in my throat.  I wish I could just puke it out and be done with it.  It gets triggered  and then I have to deal with it. What typically triggers it in me is when I percieve elements of a one up stance in someone's frame. Good me vs bad them type black and white thinking.  It's sort of the visceral process of finding compassion for contempt.  It is highly uncomfortable.

I am aware of it because a few years back such things wouldn't really phase me it wouldn't trigger such intense emotions within me.  I have always been sensitive to that in general and have pretty much always made a point of bringing it to people's attention in a gentle not overly confrontational way from a very centered place.  These days it is overwhelming and I work through those emotions for a week.

Their are other triggers too and some are difficult to fully explain. Except it has more to do with things that are not in accordance with my core values and I suppose finding forgiveness and compassion for "them."

[RisingSun]

I was with my BPD xw for 11 years. I've been nc for 10 months. At the 9 month mark I was out of the fog. I have no more depression and am so happy to be out of the craziness. I'm thankful xw found someone else and crossed that one boundary (cheating) that would make me see the light. There's nothing, and I mean NOTHING, that would make me want things to be different.

The way I feel now - she done lost herself a damn good man. Too bad for her. Awesome for me  And totally sh!tty for replacement.

[sun seeker]

 Rising

I like what you said here    very well put.

Jmanster

You want a deadline for your healing. (Ive been here). Im sure many will agree you are setting your self up for disappointment my friend. Whats goimg to happen if your deadline is not met?  We all want this to hurry up and be over. Healing has it process and time frame  which varies from person to person. You cant controll it,  force it or put a deadline on it. I wish this wasnt then case, at times it really sucks.

[nickoftime]

I'm five months out since my uBPDex abruptly left the relationship, banished me from his life, and has been silent since October.  I feel great and I'm here to say it will get better.  I think there is something to the 90 days is needed to break a habit.  Not that 90 days is the magic number and boom you're over it.  After 90 days I found my thoughts focused more on the negative aspects of the relationship and believing I was better off and had dodged a bullet.

I really like what someone posted somewhere this week and it's how I feel now.  My exBPD used to hold prime real estate in my head but now he just visits there. I think I just wonder how he is and that's natural to think about anyone who exits your life.   Me and the BPDex used to work together but he left our place of work so I think he crosses my mind because I have triggers at work.  But speaking of those triggers, after the breakup, Monday mornings at work were the worst.  And walking past his empty desk at the office was perfect symbolism for the breakup and the void in my life.  LOL.  But none of that gets to me anymore!

It is so important to keep moving and don't sit around pining away and wallowing in the sadness.  I know you're sad and you have to work through it but don't give into it 24x7.  Building up your self esteem is important in changing your mindset.  I encourage you to spend time with family and friends who care about you.  And get out there and experience life.  Give your mind a break from your exBPD.  New opportunities await you.  This is a good thing.  :)on't fear it!

[Jack2727]

I'm just about at the three month mark after a 6 1/2 month relationship. I'd say I am feeling a lot better. I still hurt but the intensity is much less.

Time frame... .I'm not an expert but I think true healing comes when you have gone through all the stages of grief. I still get ruminations from time to time but I have seen in the last two weeks the intensity has dissipated.

I feel a ton stronger now. I mean, I was blasted by two nuclear bombs, my last two ex's during the past 2 1/2 years and I am still standing. I may be a bit guarded an cynical in regards to my own innate mate selection process but I'd say I'm getting closer to healing.

You guys will come to a place of acceptance when you accept and realize 1) she is not going to come back unless it suits her 2) It wasn't your fault 3) her behavior will repeat itself with someone else.

[Agent_of_Chaos]

Just like any other addiction or habit in life, it take the brain 3 months to start a new routine. In order for the "3 month rule" to work, you must not have any association with her, no contact, no social media. If you do this, you will heal completely within 3 months. I am two weeks away from hitting 3 months of NC and I am feeling really well. I will be able to start another relationship with somebody else very soon. Keep your head up

This is an interesting concept, one I'm not familiar with. To tell you the truth, I still do look at her social media. Most often I look at her 'pinterest', this is because she sometimes posts things that make me think she is still thinking about me. Today she posted "How to deal with being single on Facebook, I prefer the status "Independently Owned and Operated over "Singe." She also posted this: The first step to getting what you want is having the courage to get rid of what you don't  :'(  OF course I was the "Thing" That needed "Getting Rid of." I understand I need to break this habit.

Out of curiosity: Does anyone know how this rule would work for someone with BPD?

Good ole Pinterest. A couple months back my ex started a board that had all of these quotes about love... .missing you etc.  That day she had texted me and was telling me how she wished she was here and how she sleeps with my shirt under her pillow.  While I didn't bite, internally I was rejoicing.  I thought she had finally made the decision to come home.  I told a couple family members that I thought she was coming back and sought their acceptance.  Everything was in place, until she disappeared. 

The truth is, I think her and my replacement were having a fight.  While I thought the love memes were directed towards me, they were actually for my replacement. 

The most interesting meme she posted read, "Maybe I like this rollercoaster.  Maybe it keeps me high."

[cosmonaut]

It's been over a year, and I am still very much trying to heal.  I will agree with Mutt that the intense pain has dulled, but I still have a lot of pain about things and I still miss her.  Anger sometimes too.   I no longer have panic, though.

Will we ever fully heal?  I think we can.  Some people here and elsewhere have, or at least claim to have.   I think it's certainly possible not to, however.  Some wounds, whether physical or psychological, don't ever fully heal, but that doesn't mean that we can't survive them and overcome them.

It's easy to underestimate just how much damage has been done, because our wounds are not visible.  The fact is, however, that for most of us we have been wounded in profoundly deep and serious ways.  These are the scars left by relationships with intense degrees of idealization, mirroring, and enmeshment.   Realize that is not something that will heal quickly.  Maybe think of it as being in a horrific car accident - it will take months or years or healing and PT to recover.  So will it take us months or years of healing and therapy to recover.

[Reecer1588]

It's been over a year, and I am still very much trying to heal.  I will agree with Mutt that the intense pain has dulled, but I still have a lot of pain about things and I still miss her.  Anger sometimes too.   I no longer have panic, though.

Will we ever fully heal?  I think we can.  Some people here and elsewhere have, or at least claim to have.   I think it's certainly possible not to, however.  Some wounds, whether physical or psychological, don't ever fully heal, but that doesn't mean that we can't survive them and overcome them.

It's easy to underestimate just how much damage has been done, because our wounds are not visible.  The fact is, however, that for most of us we have been wounded in profoundly deep and serious ways.  These are the scars left by relationships with intense degrees of idealization, mirroring, and enmeshment.   Realize that is not something that will heal quickly.  Maybe think of it as being in a horrific car accident - it will take months or years or healing and PT to recover.  So will it take us months or years of healing and therapy to recover.

While I understand that cosmic jinxes do not exist: My entire college (small liberal arts) woke up this morning to an e-mailing dealing that one student is dead, two are in critical condition, and two are in stable condition following a one-car accident. The driver was speeding down a hill and drove them right into a bridge pillar.

I will agree with Mutt that the intense pain has dulled, but I still have a lot of pain about things and I still miss her.

You know I just feel more numb every day. I'm just kind of at the point of surrendering in a way. Surrendering to not caring. I'm just so tired of putting the mental effort into caring about this anymore. She moved on with her life. Whatever the heck "her life" is anyways. I've been eliminated just like all of her past friends, past two boyfriends, just like everyone. She just eliminates them. I'm just the newest   casualty in a long string of people she's eliminated.

Screw her. Screw this. She eliminated me. The hell can I do about it anyways. She doesn't want me anymore. I wasted over a year of my life pouring love into someone all for naught. All to just end up being eliminated, made a stalker, a harasser, a sorry ass, a narcissist , a pervert, to make my mother feel like she failed as a mother because I still love someone who is so clearly a POS. Yes she called me all of those things and more.

Screw her.

If this mental disorder had never been labeled, then I would label her a borderline. I'd name her a classical little B___. She ruined my confidence as a man. She made me toil for a year to make her love me like I loved her all for naught. She went after my family, She sent porno to my Mom the day that she was going in for a lung cancer screening *and my ex knew my Mom had serious health issues at the time*.  And so what do I get in return for all my good deeds? I get this. And what does my ex get for all the Sadistic crap she put me through? You know what she gets? She gets to go on with her life like nothing happened. She gets to go run off and be happy with her new horse friends. She gets to go run off perfectly content that she has erased me from her life. She doesn't have to go through this pain I go through. She doesn't give a flying f*** about me anymore. I have to care about her. I can't just flip a switch and say ":)amn she turned out to be a sadistic b___" I don't care about her anymore. Noo I have to suffer. I have to stay up at night. I have to pray that I'll be recycled. I have to cry. I have to feel like I want to scream all the time. That's what I get. And she gets NONE of that. Because she is just perfectly content eliminating people from her life like it's surgery or something. She gets to distort reality so that I turned out to be this narcissistic abuser. Not this person who fell deeply in love with her and would have done anything for her. Not someone who after undergoing serious sadistic abuse, still cares for her to this day. No that's not me. I'm an abuser who she needed desperately to get out of a relationship with. Yeah that's me. That's reece. That's me. I can't get enough of myself. I'm like narcissus I just fell in love with my own reflection. Yup that's me.

I hope one day karma comes around and beats the living s*** out of her ass. That's what I think.

Have a nice day all,


Reece

[cosmonaut]

While I understand that cosmic jinxes do not exist: My entire college (small liberal arts) woke up this morning to an e-mailing dealing that one student is dead, two are in critical condition, and two are in stable condition following a one-car accident. The driver was speeding down a hill and drove them right into a bridge pillar.

How awful!  I'll be praying for the deceased and the speedy recover of the other students.

You know I just feel more numb every day. I'm just kind of at the point of surrendering in a way. Surrendering to not caring. I'm just so tired of putting the mental effort into caring about this anymore. She moved on with her life. Whatever the heck "her life" is anyways. I've been eliminated just like all of her past friends, past two boyfriends, just like everyone. She just eliminates them. I'm just the newest   casualty in a long string of people she's eliminated.

Screw her. Screw this. She eliminated me. The hell can I do about it anyways. She doesn't want me anymore. I wasted over a year of my life pouring love into someone all for naught. All to just end up being eliminated, made a stalker, a harasser, a sorry ass, a narcissist , a pervert, to make my mother feel like she failed as a mother because I still love someone who is so clearly a POS. Yes she called me all of those things and more.

I understand.  It hurts beyond belief to have been told for so long how much we are loved and how we will be forever, and then to be erased in the blink of an eye.  For absolutely no rational reason.  That would mess anybody up.

My ex did the same to me.  She has simply disappeared.  If it is any consolation to you, there is some anecdotal evidence that these cases where the pwBPD disappears are the relationships where the pwBPD felt the most intensely about their partner.   Since intimacy is deeply triggering, the greater the intimacy then the greater the trigger.  So, ironically, the reason you may have been erased is because she felt so incredibly strongly about you, and she couldn't deal with the power of those emotions - it was too overwhelming.  Thus, she ran.  It is an incredibly destructive and infantile coping mechanism, but that's BPD.   Chances are that no matter how deeply she is suppressing it, ending this relationship has rocked her and she is experiencing tremendous pain about it.

[Reecer1588]

Thus, she ran.  It is an incredibly destructive and infantile coping mechanism, but that's BPD.   Chances are that no matter how deeply she is suppressing it, ending this relationship has rocked her and she is experiencing tremendous pain about it.

Today someone I knew died on a bridge pillar because a girl couldn't slow down and drove her entire car with 5 passengers into a bridge pillar.

You know what I think? Do you want to know? This will probably be the most aggravated venting I ever written out on bpdfamily.com. I want to forewarn anyone reading this, if you do not want to read this venting, I will not judge you. Apologies in advance.

That gentleman, handsome, part of a fraternity here at my school, academically successful with friends and loved ones. You know where his empire ended? On a bridge pillar. That was it. He still had dreams, a future, desires, and someone in his future was going to fall in love with him and marry him one day. And it all ended last night on a bridge pillar. But at least there is 2,000 students here all mourning his loss. There are hundreds of people going to his remembrance service tonight.

To my ex: Suzy (not her name), what if you woke up tomorrow, got in your car and died? huh? What would you remembered for. Would thousands of people remember you for your loving, kind soul? Would anyone other than myself, your parents and one or two friends even mourn your loss? What are you leaving behind Suzy? You've trashed and discarded not only the guys who cared about you but also most all of your friends. You throw people away like yesterday's garbage. You devalue them and throw them away.  And most of all, you sadistically attacked the family of the guy who loved you the most. What would people remember about you if you ended up like my schoolmate on a bridge pillar? What would you leave behind? People would say "Well it was a really unfortunate situation she was emotionally/verbally/psychologically abused by her parents" and THAT'S IT. They would not remember "Oh she was a really kind person who had a lot of friends and confidants, a real inspiration to those around her."

When is it going to stop Suzy? When are you finally going to grow up? When are you going to stop eliminating those who care about you? When are you going to apologize to me for all the hurt you put me and my family through?

What are you going to be remembered for if you end up on a bridge pillar? Huh? What will people REMEMBER you for?

Because right now you are leading a pathetic, worthless existence. I'm hesitant to even say you are 'living' because you can not even live barely on your own without sucking the life out of those around you.

You know what I would do if I were you, Suzy? I'd run as fast and as far from parents as you could. You didn't deserve to be mistreated as a child. Everyone deserves good parents, and it sucks that you didn't get what you had a right to.

But you need to stop running back to the source. You need to stop thinking that it was only your Dad who abused you emotionally and verbally. It also goes back to your mother.

You need to run, and run fast and far from your parents.

And you need to start thinking how pathetically your life would be remembered if you ended up on a bridge pillar tomorrow.

[Reecer1588]

I want to apologize to all of you reading my posts today. I am going through a major anger cycle. I'm angry at my ex's parents for screwing her up. Especially her mother. I feel nothing but seething rage for her mother. Complete contempt. I'm angry at my ex for being so sadistic. I'm just angry right now. I'm angry at myself as well.

Have a nice day all,


Reece

[jhkbuzz]

I want to apologize to all of you reading my posts today. I am going through a major anger cycle. I'm angry at my ex's parents for screwing her up. Especially her mother. I feel nothing but seething rage for her mother. Complete contempt. I'm angry at my ex for being so sadistic. I'm just angry right now. I'm angry at myself as well.

Have a nice day all,

Reece

It's okay Reece - it's all a natural part of the grief cycle. It's a good sign, a healthy sign.  As long as you don't act on it you can consider it part of your journey towards healing.

Hang in there... .we're all pulling for you.