Should I see my exBPD before I leave town for 2 months?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I'm about to leave town for a while and even though I was only with my exBPD for 3 months, I'd like to see her before I leave. I feel like I never really got closure. But this may also be a bad idea. I broke NC and wished her a happy birthday 3 days ago as her birthday is a week before mine so I've been thinking about her a bit more than usual.

She has a specific ringtone for me and instead of texting back, she wrote an email that said it was her final email (I had been NC for 3 weeks until this happened) saying that I helped her become a better person, that she hasn't cut since we broke up, that she knows that we're not getting back together and she needs to move on from me and she wishes the best for me.

I teared up and wrote one back and that started a texting exchange that went south real fast. She said I was running away from true love (I do really love her) and that even after the guys in her life cheated on her, she stayed because she loved them (she cheated on me and I broke up with her). Blaming me for leaving her even though what we had was great. Other things in that regard and ending with "I wish the best for you. Good ___ing bye"

I was doing well but now I feel like I've taken a few steps back. Since I'm leaving town for a while, I'd like to see her before I leave... .I'm guessing most of you might say that it's a bad idea?

[Figuring it out]

I'm about to leave town for a while and even though I was only with my exBPD for 3 months, I'd like to see her before I leave. I feel like I never really got closure. But this may also be a bad idea. I broke NC and wished her a happy birthday 3 days ago as her birthday is a week before mine so I've been thinking about her a bit more than usual.

She has a specific ringtone for me and instead of texting back, she wrote an email that said it was her final email (I had been NC for 3 weeks until this happened) saying that I helped her become a better person, that she hasn't cut since we broke up, that she knows that we're not getting back together and she needs to move on from me and she wishes the best for me.

I teared up and wrote one back and that started a texting exchange that went south real fast. She said I was running away from true love (I do really love her) and that even after the guys in her life cheated on her, she stayed because she loved them (she cheated on me and I broke up with her). Blaming me for leaving her even though what we had was great. Other things in that regard and ending with "I wish the best for you. Good ___ing bye"

I was doing well but now I feel like I've taken a few steps back. Since I'm leaving town for a while, I'd like to see her before I leave... .I'm guessing most of you might say that it's a bad idea?

[JohnLove]

I'll put my hand up and say its probably a very bad idea. She cheated and you have a boundary around cheating?... .GOOD FOR YOU.

Now she blames you for leaving her?... .like you had a choice?... .the blame game is never much fun but especially not with personality disordered people. She just wants you to "take on" her crap like it's yours. Very very sad.

To allow her back in your life to complicate matters is only going to end in tears especially as you drew a line and SHE crossed it.  

[Infared]

I'm about to leave town for a while and even though I was only with my exBPD for 3 months, I'd like to see her before I leave. I feel like I never really got closure. But this may also be a bad idea. I broke NC and wished her a happy birthday 3 days ago as her birthday is a week before mine so I've been thinking about her a bit more than usual.

She has a specific ringtone for me and instead of texting back, she wrote an email that said it was her final email (I had been NC for 3 weeks until this happened) saying that I helped her become a better person, that she hasn't cut since we broke up, that she knows that we're not getting back together and she needs to move on from me and she wishes the best for me.

I teared up and wrote one back and that started a texting exchange that went south real fast. She said I was running away from true love (I do really love her) and that even after the guys in her life cheated on her, she stayed because she loved them (she cheated on me and I broke up with her). Blaming me for leaving her even though what we had was great. Other things in that regard and ending with "I wish the best for you. Good ___ing bye"

I was doing well but now I feel like I've taken a few steps back. Since I'm leaving town for a while, I'd like to see her before I leave... .I'm guessing most of you might say that it's a bad idea?

I have been in that oh-so dysfunctional dance. Nothing works there. I think if you calmly and honestly sit down with yourself and ask yourself the question "why do I want to get in touch with this person?"... .I think you would be hard-pressed to find a healthy answer to that question.  I know if I was brutally honest with myself that I could only find a not-so-healthy "urge".   Nothing good ever came of me succumbing to that urge.

Good luck.

[Deeno02]

No. Maintain your boundary. Of course the decision rests with you and you alone. Good luck.

[Recooperating]

I teared up and wrote one back and that started a texting exchange that went south real fast. She said I was running away from true love (I do really love her) and that even after the guys in her life cheated on her, she stayed because she loved them (she cheated on me and I broke up with her). Blaming me for leaving her even though what we had was great. Other things in that regard and ending with "I wish the best for you. Good ___ing bye"

If what you had was so great then why did she cheat? Clearly she's turning the tables and putting you in the FOG! Do not feel guilty about setting a boundary and maintaining it! You did the right thing. I would advice you to let it go. Do not meet with her, what good will come of it?

[HappyNihilist]

I have been in that oh-so dysfunctional dance. Nothing works there. I think if you calmly and honestly sit down with yourself and ask yourself the question "why do I want to get in touch with this person?"... .I think you would be hard-pressed to find a healthy answer to that question.  I know if I was brutally honest with myself that I could only find a not-so-healthy "urge".   Nothing good ever came of me succumbing to that urge.

I've been through this dance, too. Like you said, Figuring, it usually "goes south" pretty quickly. BPD is very much a persecution-based disorder, so you usually get to a point where the pwBPD starts shifting blame and goes into "victim mode."

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, Figuring. I know it hurts. I'm going to echo Infrared - I think it might be helpful if you ask yourself why do I want to get in touch with this person?, and be honest with yourself about the answer.

It's important to take care of yourself. You deserve it. 

[Figuring it out]

Thanks guys. I guess I needed that. I'm going over all of the possible scenarios and the best case scenario would be, "Hey, we're still broken up, but it was good seeing you and let's reconnect after a good amount of time has passed and I figure myself out." and the worst case scenario is something like a yelling match and yelling hateful things and never wanting to see the other person again... .I think I'll pass... .but it's so hard!

[Deeno02]

Thanks guys. I guess I needed that. I'm going over all of the possible scenarios and the best case scenario would be, "Hey, still broken up, but it was good seeing you and let's reconnect after a good amount of time has passed and I figure myself out." and the worst case scenario is something like a yelling match and yelling hateful things and never wanting to see the other person again... .I think I'll pass... .but it's so hard!

I know. I havent seen my exgf in 7 months until recently. For the next couple months, Ill have to see her 2-3 times a week as she coaches my sons VB team. It is very hard, but its best you leave that sleeping dog lie.

[downwhim]

Nope, no need to re-visit.