Abusive Emails from those with BPD?

[Spruce927]

As some of you may have read in an earlier post, I have recently cut off my mother with BPD.  She is so out of control because of this I get about 15 emails a day.  The last one says "you want war you got it."  She actually thrives on this is scary. 

She'll then write an email about what a victim she is and criticize me (in ways that I feel are projection.)  She literally will write that I "need help" and I'm "sociopathic" but one month before deciding to cut her off I was her light and her world and the only reason she was still "alive" post divorce. 

It's very creepy how they can turn on you.  There's really no other way to put it.  Since joining this forum and using the internet as a tool to understand and educate myself about BPD, I've come to understand her behavior is very text book.  I've went back into my email and had my stomach turn at the way she's been abusive through emails for years.  Anyone else experience this?  She almost gets fixated on emailing sending 6 in such a short time.  I guess this is her "release"

[Deb]

Both my dBPD sister and an ex-friend did things like this. My sister never had my email so she didn't do it to me, but she really went after one of her daughters. She actually said something similar to what your mother said about war. I was so shocked at what she wrote that I showed it to a friend who was a therapist. Her response was "This isn't what an angry mother writes to a child, this is what an angry child writes to her mom." My sister was also assessed as having the enmotional and social skills of a 4 or 5 year old.

The ex-friend, now there was a piece of work. She flung accusations that were just vile. She made threats to "expose" me. She sent multiple emails. And I didn't respond so she became angrier. I blocked her emails, so she went on messageboards she knew I visited and post more threats and lies. I stopped going to those sites. She tried to join a site that I was moderating. I exp[lained to the other mods and they blocked her. That set her off on new rounds. Like a temper tantrum.

Can you filter your email so that they go to a file that you don't have to look at? Or just block her? If you choose to not block her, let someone else read them so they are less upsetting to you. In the event she writes something you need to know (specific  threats to harm you) that person can tell you about it.

[Linda Maria]

Hi Spruce 927!  My uBPDsis only really turned on me 2 years ago, just after my mother died.  She made it impossible to sort out the estate - still going on - solicitors involved now - long story.  She said various vile things to me one day when I was at my mother's house with her.  Later when I got home, she sent an email that would have sounded reasonably civil to anyone else, but was just nonsense and lies.  I replied politely, pointing out the truth.  She carried on sending emails   The next day she sent a huge one, just accusing me of all sorts of mad things.  I emailed back and stated the truth of each point, and ended saying I hoped we could sort things out, and I was sorry that she was upset, and that I wasn't perfect, but I couldn't understand how pretending I was a monster and coming out with all these lies was going to help.  A few more angry emails followed, but as I emailed back politely and firmly each time it wasn't giving her what she wanted.  So she started ringing which I ignored as I couldn't cope with the verbal abuse.  Then she would text.  A few days later she texted that her email no longer worked and to phone or text or write!  She has done this for years - refuses to communicate by any normal means, and pretends not to receive texts, letters or emails, and doesn't return calls.  But I am hugely relieved she pretends not to have email.  Even letters sent by recorded delivery cannot be delivered - they get returned to the sorting office, then a few weeks later returned to sender.  And all the time she leaves out of hours messages for people (estate agents, solicitors etc.) saying how terrible it is that no one is keeping her informed!  Although they have left her a zillion phone messages asking her to respond urgently!  Unbelievably frustrating!  thanks for letting me vent!

[deux soeurs]

Spruce 927 I am grateful you posted this.  I am sorry for your troubles with your mom.  I can tell you my BPD sister does this too.  It is almost like she has assumed my life.  She actually told me she was diagnosed with BPD so I started researching it.  Yep, she has it bad... .I had to go NC again, a year ago and she posts on a website that she is a victim, the scapegoat.  That is the reason no one in our family has much to do with her.  She also says vile things about my mom whom died over 10 years ago.  She says I have BPD... .what a joke.  She was great at sending me numerous long emails and accusing me of ridiculous things.  At the end of each she would say I should not bother to respond as she will not read my emails... .My sister has done horrible things to each member of immediate family but she never references any of the abuse she threw at us.  BPD is bad.  I am grateful we have a place to come to vent... .

[Spruce927]

Much love and support to you guys for sharing.  It's nice to know I'm not the only one who has experienced these "email attacks."

I guess the thing that's scary about my mother is that she'll make up fake emails and email as someone else as well.  Currently, my father just informed me she's taken up writing to him as his ex girlfriend.  As some of you have read before she's also posed as me writing emails to my father. 

This behavior is so sick and disturbing.  In one of the replies you say your therapist friend said "this is not a mother writing to a child, this is a child writing to a mother.  BINGO.  My mom says things that are so wrong for a mother to send and they're so immature I literally feel as though I have a child. 

My parents have been divorced for over 4 years, and just had to meet each other after an extended time of not speaking.  My dad experienced a lot from my mother in terms of attacks.  He tried to meet civility with her as she had to sign off on a real estate matter together.  Since then she's emailed me almost HA HA letters about meeting with him.  It's very bizarre.  She knows we have a strained relationship (one of the main reasons is that she's been emailing HIM as ME for years.)  Then she writes things like "your father came up HERE to see ME) like wow!  This was a man you claimed to DESPISE.  She also wrote a couple of emails where she said QUOTE "Guess what daddyo slept with me."  How disgusting and weird.  She even wrote "enjoy your new step mom" about my dads ex girlfriend who I don't even know.  It's just too strange. Her brain is honestly warped.  I'm so grateful to have a place to vent.  Thank you. 

[deux soeurs]

Spruce that is so frustrating when they lie.  I can't imagine what it was like to discover mom is emailing your dad as YOU... .These people with BPD just don't get boundaries or just being a good person.  I get frustrated when my sis writes stuff on her favorite "chat room" about me, especially when she omits a lot and doesn't tell whole story or flat out lies.  Today I read there she referred to me as someone whom uses cocaine... .WOW so not true.  Anyways keep posting.  It does help to share with others.  I do hope you are able to mend things with your dad.

[Spruce927]

Hi Pink Lipstick,

Thanks for taking the time to respond.  I'm for sure devastated, angry, confused, I could go on about my mom writing emails as me.  You are totally right.  They have absolutely no regard for boundaries.  This was ultimately the thing that let me to cutting my mom out of my life.  I confronted her about the emails and she acts as though he doesn't get that part of my emails or text messages, but then goes on rambling and flipping out about something else.  She is now to the point where she only emails my dad about the "emails I sent" saying that she doesn't know how to make a gmail account.  It's ridiculous.  I used to try to think more into this like why does she do it, but it's pointless.  I would be consumed with if she actually BELIEVES herself or if it's just a manipulation.  Now, I'm much more at peace with it.  I guess part of being close with someone with BPD is just acceptance. 

It must be crazy for you to see your BPD sister writing that you're doing cocaine, but they just say whatever they can.  I see that since I've not spoken to my mom she's said a host of lies about me to anyone that will listen.  Again, part of what they do.  We both have to just shake off what they say and realize that they are not in touch with reality. 

Thanks again!