Newbie

[Just lovely]

Hello,

I'm so grateful to have found this site. We are married 7 years and are at our breaking point. We have twins together and children from other marriages. I believe my husband has this and I'm mainly here to learn the lessons to see if I can save out marriage.

I can't communicate with my husband everything gets flipped around and I am blamed for everything. He says I do nothing but give excuses and lie. He sets me up and then when I fail it is a huge deal. He hates my parents and is not very nice to my children. He glorifies his own and especially has a close relationship with his 25 year old daughter.

He is extremely successful in his business and everyone loves and adores him. They are always telling him how great he is. Then he turns it to me and says that he does everything for us and I am so ungrateful. I really feel he needs to be worshipped to feel loved.

I don't really see how this can be fixed and have us be happy but I'm not really ready to

give up yet. Maybe I can still make him happy.

Thank you

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[maxsterling]

Hi Just lovely,

I want to welcome you here.  You have found a group of people who know exactly what you are going through.  And I truly mean "exactly".  Some of the things you mentioned ring so true for my relationship, too, the constant blame, the declarations that she does everything for me and that I am ungrateful, the hatred towards my family... .   that's all part of this illness.

I do have a question - has your husband been diagnosed, or do you just have a hunch?  Has he ever seen a therapist or been in any kind of treatment? 

I want to bring up something you wrote:

Maybe I can still make him happy.

One of the things I had to learn was that it was not my job to make my wife happy.  I tried, and I fell flat on my face.  You cannot make your husband happy.  You can stop making things worse, but happiness is up to him.  This website is full of helpful information.  The links on the right side of this page are a good place to begin.

It's tough.  I know what you are going through, and know how low you must feel right now.  I've been there.  BPD feels impossible at times.  I'm glad you found us here, and hope you stick around.

[Aurylian]

I want to bring up something you wrote:

Maybe I can still make him happy.

Yeah, this jumped out at me too.  If you choose to stay you can really learn a lot and grow in ways that will impact the rest of your life too.  But, trying to make your spouse anything (happy, other) is something that is outside of your control.

Take some time to read up on BPD and the communication tools.  At some point try and read up on Radical Acceptance, which is required if you to stay in this relationship. You have to be able to have a realistic expectation of what is possible and what is not.

Certainly you found the right place here.  This is a great community of people who really understand what you face.

Welcome.

Aury

[formflier]

  Maybe I can still make him happy.

Just lovely,

I'm so glad you found us.  Just over a year ago I found this site... .and BPD family has been a big help getting my r/s (relationship) turned around.

I'm really looking forward to your next post here.

The line you used about making him happy... .quoted above... .can you post more about what that looks like?

 

We can help!

FF