she gave me permission to email I sent this part two

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Is her giving me permission to email than ignoring it abuse ? Am i in the FOG here?  

[dobie]

Is her giving me permission to email than ignoring it abuse ? Am i in the FOG here?  

[zundertowz]

To be honest her giving you permission to email her is really very sick sounding... .I know its hard but you should go n/c for a while and clear your head.

[4Years5Months]

Is her giving me permission to email than ignoring it abuse ? Am i in the FOG here?  

Yes and yes.

She is playing you like a fiddle.  You can stop this at any time.

[Mr.Downtrodden]

Stupid but she means a lot to me I'm not going to just forget her and act like she does not exist .

I need to show her I'm still here after the rage and pain has gone .

These are words from someone who is blinded and still in the  FOG.

She does not CARE like we nons have the capacity to care. Even if she wanted to, she cannot.

Once you have been devalued, there is nothing you can do to influence your ex for your needs and desires.  Absolutely NOTHING. If she ever thinks of you and desires contact, she will.

You must do what I did - complete cold turkey / no contact.  When my ex refused to take my call (she was the one who invited me to call) or respond to an e-mail, that was it for me. I knew then there was nothing I could ever do or say to keep any dream alive.  I abandoned all social media to remove temptation. I'm not extending the olive branch anymore.

You need to realize that BPD ladies must have control, and only NEED.  They do not love, say as they might.  a painful experience, it is, when you are a non swept up in their adore and adulation phase, replete with promises of happiness.  We were all used.  Plain and simple. My ex even told me so long after feelings had been invested over time and effort. She said it half asleep in the middle of the night after waking up.  When I brought it up a few days later, she simply replied, "I don't recall saying THAT."

[dobie]

So she actually replied

Dobie

I'm sorry I hurt you, I know nothing I can say will make you feel better but you are a great guy who has a lot to offer and you will meet someone who loves you and makes you very happy. We just weren't meant to be and deep down you know that.

%&%££

Does this show she is not BPD ? 

[Blimblam]

Even if they say what they think would help us move on it just does not seem to give closure. 

It's about you now.  What you would really need from her to work through the inner crap your dealing with is not something she was ever really capable of giving you; that she was somehow able to was the illusion, our own projection. 

[zundertowz]

I would be happy if I got that response from my ex... .If I emailed my ex it would probably just start another round of insane txts and emails... .be happy you got a civil email and try and move on.

[dobie]

Its bull___ though its again deflecting responsibility " YOU know deep down we are not meant to be "

"She always thought we were meant to be "


"You will meet someone else " I.e  so I don't feel guilty .

Three lines after six years ... .

"I'm sorry I hurt you nothing I can say will make it better " no if you were really sorry you would have proven it in better ways .

[dobie]

Its bull___ though its again deflecting responsibility " YOU know deep down we are not meant to be "

"She always thought we were meant to be "


"You will meet someone else " I.e  so I don't feel guilty .

Three lines after six years ... .

"I'm sorry I hurt you nothing I can say will make it better " no if you were really sorry you would have proven it in better ways .

It was sent after a poem BTW .

[zundertowz]

I kinda feel like your playing into her hands... she clearly cares for you and I have no idea if shes BPD or not but it sounds like she needs some space or just wants to talk to you when she feels the urge.  You can play here game and torture yourself or go no contact for a while and work on yourself.  Maybe one day in the future thing will work out.  If shes BPD or not being suffocating during a break never works.

[dobie]

I kinda feel like your playing into her hands... she clearly cares for you and I have no idea if shes BPD or not but it sounds like she needs some space or just wants to talk to you when she feels the urge.  You can play here game and torture yourself or go no contact for a while and work on yourself.  Maybe one day in the future thing will work out.  If shes BPD or not being suffocating during a break never works.

That's the thing I've not suffocated her at all a few texts here or there and some emails in six months

She was the one who wanted to be "friends" I said no

First contact I've had from her apart from at xmass and to arrange to get her stuff

[zundertowz]

what is it your looking to accomplish?  what would be your ideal endgame?

[dobie]

what is it your looking to accomplish?  what would be your ideal endgame?

Funny thing she did not respond to the email I posted but the short poem about love .

I guess best case she comes back worse I keep her as a friend .

[zundertowz]

I feel like your just torturing yourself, reading the thread you guys have been apart a year? If it were me id be happy she gave you a apology and I would move on... .I would kill to have a little peace of mind that my ex had some sort of conscious and ended it civilly.  Your holding onto something thats been gone a long time in my opinion.

[dobie]

I feel like your just torturing yourself, reading the thread you guys have been apart a year? If it were me id be happy she gave you a apology and I would move on... .I would kill to have a little peace of mind that my ex had some sort of conscious and ended it civilly.  Your holding onto something thats been gone a long time in my opinion.

Its six months not a year .

[Reecer1588]

So she actually replied

Dobie

I'm sorry I hurt you, I know nothing I can say will make you feel better but you are a great guy who has a lot to offer and you will meet someone who loves you and makes you very happy. We just weren't meant to be and deep down you know that.

%&%££

Does this show she is not BPD ?  

That's all my ex would say at the end "I'm going to find someone new, and I hope you do too."

She new what to say that would hurt me the most. Months after her saying it God does it still hurt so much. I just pray one day she'll contact me again. Like you, dobie, I still have this fantasy in mind that we can make it work. I'm really sort of the blind giving the blind advice here. Sorry about that. If anything just know that your ex is not the only one to tell you that she'll find someone else and hopes you do, too. You're not the only one whose heart is destroyed by that statement. And you're not the only one still hoping.

I'm right there with you,


Reece

[Blimblam]

I feel like your just torturing yourself, reading the thread you guys have been apart a year? If it were me id be happy she gave you a apology and I would move on... .I would kill to have a little peace of mind that my ex had some sort of conscious and ended it civilly.  Your holding onto something thats been gone a long time in my opinion.

Its six months not a year .

It doesn't really matter how long.  We are where we are at now.

How do you feel about her expressing the you two are "not meant to be?"

The not meant to be was a huge internal struggle for me, so I can imagine your pain and confusion. 

[dobie]

So she actually replied

Dobie

I'm sorry I hurt you, I know nothing I can say will make you feel better but you are a great guy who has a lot to offer and you will meet someone who loves you and makes you very happy. We just weren't meant to be and deep down you know that.

%&%££

Does this show she is not BPD ?  

That's all my ex would say at the end "I'm going to find someone new, and I hope you do too."

She new what to say that would hurt me the most. Months after her saying it God does it still hurt so much. I just pray one day she'll contact me again. Like you, dobie, I still have this fantasy in mind that we can make it work. I'm really sort of the blind giving the blind advice here. Sorry about that. If anything just know that your ex is not the only one to tell you that she'll find someone else and hopes you do, too. You're not the only one whose heart is destroyed by that statement. And you're not the only one still hoping.

I'm right there with you,


Reece

Thanks bro hang tough you got this your doing great BTW I read your posts

[dobie]

I feel like your just torturing yourself, reading the thread you guys have been apart a year? If it were me id be happy she gave you a apology and I would move on... .I would kill to have a little peace of mind that my ex had some sort of conscious and ended it civilly.  Your holding onto something thats been gone a long time in my opinion.

Its six months not a year .

It doesn't really matter how long.  We are where we are at now.

How do you feel about her expressing the you two are "not meant to be?"

The not meant to be was a huge internal struggle for me, so I can imagine your pain and confusion. 

The thing is it just shows the disorder

For years it was I always felt "we were meant to be "

The black & white thinking , she left me due to her paranoia and issues it has nothing to do with not meant to be .

I honestly know this woman and I bet dollars to doughnuts if she spent time with me it would be "I've always felt we were meant to be "

[Maternus]

So she actually replied

Dobie

I'm sorry I hurt you, I know nothing I can say will make you feel better but you are a great guy who has a lot to offer and you will meet someone who loves you and makes you very happy. We just weren't meant to be and deep down you know that.

%&%££

Does this show she is not BPD ? 

Do you know deep down that you weren't meant to be? No, this is nonsense. If she really thinks that you are a great guy how has a lot to offer, why did she break up with you? "We just weren't meant to be" only makes sense when it is reasoned. "I always wanted a family, children and a home - you wanted an adventurous life." "We don't share the same core values" and so on.

[dobie]

So she actually replied

Dobie

I'm sorry I hurt you, I know nothing I can say will make you feel better but you are a great guy who has a lot to offer and you will meet someone who loves you and makes you very happy. We just weren't meant to be and deep down you know that.

%&%££

Does this show she is not BPD ? 

Do you know deep down that you weren't meant to be? No, this is nonsense. If she really thinks that you are a great guy how has a lot to offer, why did she break up with you? "We just weren't meant to be" only makes sense when it is reasoned. "I always wanted a family, children and a home - you wanted an adventurous life." "We don't share the same core values" and so on.

It means little I agree maternus this is the best I got after everything and the inferno she left behind  a couple of lines . I must have triggered her emotions with a two line poem for her to say this but its maybe the best she can do I suppose .

Plus it makes her look "human" and half decent (shame) and eases her conncsience if anything it proves how emotions are facts to her (BPD trait)

[Mutt]

The thread has reached it's post limit and is locked. You're welcome with starting a new or similar topic of discussion. Thanks.