Must they always have someone to blame?

[deux soeurs]

I am struggling with my sister who shares my secrets in a fictionalized way on a message board that I know about.  It is hard to read the stuff as she leaves out so many details, mainly her role in why I "cut her off" etc.  She twists my words and writes that"I have no morals, etc".  Is this what they do?  There is so much more and I am no writer.  Is this what they do?  Must we always be the "abusers"?  Abuser, really?  My whole family has taken so much abuse from her.  Most of my family has nothing to do with her and she claims we are all the abusers... .Really?  There is a reason many want LC.  She has stepped over so many boundaries and done so many awful things.  She was terrible to my mom and ever since my mom died, she has transferred that venom to me?  Why?  Must they always have someone to blame?  Ahhh, thanks for letting me share...

[Panda39]

Hi deux soeurs,

I see this with my SO's uBPDxw too.  I think it's a coping mechinism.  They carry so much shame they start spinning out their guilt and pain onto those closest to them because they can't handle it.  My SO's ex can't take responsibility for her role in the breakdown of their marriage... .so she claims my SO is abusive... .it's all his fault... .he's a horrible person... .all projection.   When she needs to feel love she uses (mostly fictitious/somtimes real) medical conditions to bring closer the enablers that have stayed in her life... .help me... .care for me... .dr/friends listen to me... .stay with me... .(can I say she's had every possible illness/disease known to man!  ).  Feelings = Fact... .Shame and guilt... .Projection and manipulation it's pathetic really.

My SO's D14 & D18 have gone LC with their mom because of her treatment of them. For them boundaries = guilt which is a struggle but they are doing the right thing for themselves right now... .but nothing is set in stone.

[littlebirdcline]

My mother started a giant fight in my house and threatened to get something heavy and "bash my head in".  Her recollection is that I attacked her, and she's still waiting for me to apologize.

 

It would be funny, if it weren't so infuriating and so sad. 

[deux soeurs]

TY little bird and panda for the input.  Sometimes when I read what she writes I still am set back... .other times I can laugh it off for what it is... .projection and BPD.  I guess I should be happy I am on to her and not get surprised.  The things she says about me are just so far off from the person I am.  She doesn't know who I am as I have always had my guard up ever since I was 30 and she betrayed in a horrible way.  Thx for listening.

[Skip]

I have always had my guard up ever since I was 30 and she betrayed in a horrible way.

What happened?