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How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
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Author Topic: Some good news for a change  (Read 666 times)
hope2727
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« on: April 04, 2015, 10:07:21 PM »

So in this journey of recovery I have suffered. I have suffered in ways I never thought I could. Having said that I have had some amazing, wonderful things happen in my life. Somehow I missed them through all the sorrow and the pain. So I have decided to start taking more notice of the positive things that are happening. This is my start of that record. Some of them will be retrospective, some current, and all in no particular order. I encourage everyone to add their own.

- I made several really wonderful new friends. D. D. M. A. and her son J. They are all post break-up and all treat me with kindness and respect.

- I graduated from university with distinction. Didn't attend my own convocation as my ex was so horrible that I couldn't leave my bed or stop crying but I did finish that degree despite it all.

- I am slowly paying off my debt. I have a way to go but I am chipping away at it. I planned to be debt free by now but am to however I am seeing slow progress.

- I bought an old motorcycle and fixed it up (with much help) but it now runs well. I spent more than buying a new one but I wanted that one. Now I have it.

- I bought not one but two motorcycle jackets I like. I decided after 5 years of austerity to spoil myself. I couldn't decide so on a random whim I bought them both. One is brown, one is black. I like them both.

- I bought motorcycle gloves that I like today. Yup spend an hour trying them on and getting advice and just enjoying the experience. Then I bought he first ones I tried on.  Smiling (click to insert in post)

- I am currently painting my bathroom. I have a tiny, humble home with little space or luxury. I used to own a dream home but sold it to pay for my new degree. Now I live in a tiny old house with no luxuries but after tonight I will have a freshly painted bathroom. No more mold or peeling paint.

- I have a roommate with a nice dog. He is sweet and funny and snuggles me. (The dog not the roommate.)

- I have friends from the past 40+ years who still love me. They regularly tell me I dodged a HUGE bullet by not marrying my ex. They tell me I am wonderful, kind, smart, capable and have my spit together. ( I don't feel that yet but hopefully soon.) I may not always be able to see them but the fact that I have been friends with them for 31, 23, 17 and 12 years respectively tells me I must be an ok person. (Aka Not BPD.)

- I am going to plant a garden. I used to love gardening and last spring I crawled into my bed with Ben and Jerry and didn't come out until I gained 30 pounds. I now need to start running again and lose said 30 pounds but that will come. Meanwhile I am looking forward to strawberries, peas, carrots and cucumbers.

- I was given a car. Yes given. Its an old beater and looks like a wreck but it was free. I put $500  into it and now I commute an hour each way to work in it. I pay about $40 every 2 weeks for gas and I get a kick out of my little beater. I may not have riches but I have wealth. I am blessed.

- I ate amazing greek food at a friends 30th birthday the other night. This was at a tiny greek place not 4 blocks from my home that in 5 years I didn't discover. My ex and I stomped through every street in this neighbourhood nightly and never discovered it. So now its my new place he never went to. How delightful.

- I can afford some wine, and food, and clothes. In fact I bought new jeans the other day. I really like them. I am so fat now that I get my own pants on so I decided to accept my fat and go buy some jeans. I can't be naked while I get back in shape after all.

- I found a fitness class I like. I manage to get there on average once a week but I am trying to up that to 2-3 times a week. Baby steps.

- I have this forum. It has been my constant companion for the past 11 months. It gives me strength to go on. It gives me courage to look at my own poop and start shovelling. Thank you everyone.

So there that is my thoughts between paint coats in the bathroom. How about everyone else? Don't let the sorrow of our pwBPD diminish the good things in our life. I don't want to miss a minute.
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mitatsu
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« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2015, 10:16:26 PM »

My Motorcycles are my constant... .great to hear your moving onward 
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hope2727
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« Reply #2 on: April 04, 2015, 10:17:50 PM »

Thanks. I just registered for a how to ride your motorcycle course at the end of May. I don't even have a licence. I thought I'd like riding but so far I am terrified. Oh well at least it is something to obsess about other than my ex.
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mitatsu
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« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2015, 10:20:24 PM »

I've been riding for 25 yrs and the feeling of independence is amazing and its the best form of Therapy for me  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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hope2727
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« Reply #4 on: April 04, 2015, 10:26:39 PM »

Well I just bought 2 jackets, a ridiculously expensive helmet ( I have a fat head so only 2 fit me), gloves and a $550 class. So far all I have done is spend money fixing the little beast up and set it on the centre stand to practice shifting.  Being cool (click to insert in post) But it was winter here so I had to be patient.

Now I am obsessively looking fro saddle bags. I want cool distressed leather brown one but I am so over budget on my project that I may have to sell a kidney to continue. Its ok. I bought the bike for $600 from a friends dad. Spent a ridiculous amount fixing it up and now I am planning to drive it to a friends wedding a few hours away in July. So thats the goal.

I named her Betsy and she is my project and I love her. 

I may have to pick up a fourth job to pay for it all. Oh well. I am thinking garage sale. Anyone want a fifth wheel hitch? How about a great deal of lululemon wear that is now to small for me.
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Witchway

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« Reply #5 on: April 05, 2015, 03:42:51 AM »

Hey Hope,

My first ever bike is called Betsy,  a BSA Bantam... .and she's a beauty. Great to hear you're focused on a project that doesn't include anything to do with BPD.   Good luck with the course.  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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Loosestrife
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« Reply #6 on: April 05, 2015, 03:48:02 AM »

This is lovely to read Hope, it reminded me that I wanted to do a motorcycle course years ago, so thanks for the inspiration

P.s your inbox is full  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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