What my ex's son posted on FB was unbelieveable

[JRT]

It looks like my ex's 18 year old son got dumped by his GF or a year and has been already replaced by another romantic interest all in a spell of a week (sound familiar?). Poor guy posts the following meme yesterday:

"Isn't it F***ing terrifying that no matter how many promises they made, no matter how long you have been together, someone can get up and walk out of your life without a second thought and you have to carry on living because the world doesn't stop for any of us'

WOW! This coming from the son of a woman who moves into my house to marry me after selling all of her furniture and appliances and then disappears 3 weeks later never to speak to me again after a 2 year long r/s!

Either this meme was directed at her or he is too daft to have understood mom's actions an recognized the incredible similarity to his own situation.

[ShadowIntheNight]

It looks like my ex's 18 year old son got dumped by his GF or a year and has been already replaced by another romantic interest all in a spell of a week (sound familiar?). Poor guy posts the following meme yesterday:

"Isn't it F***ing terrifying that no matter how many promises they made, no matter how long you have been together, someone can get up and walk out of your life without a second thought and you have to carry on living because the world doesn't stop for any of us'

WOW! This coming from the son of a woman who moves into my house to marry me after selling all of her furniture and appliances and then disappears 3 weeks later never to speak to me again after a 2 year long r/s!

Either this meme was directed at her or he is too daft to have understood mom's actions an recognized the incredible similarity to his own situation.

Very interesting. I was just reading that a male child of a Borderline female (and I'm sure vice versa) will usually seek out a borderline female to date because of their mother's patterns when they are children. Essentially what I read says that they will seek out women who are exciting and cause them the internal vibration they had as a youngster. They sadly will play the caretaker role, and apparently have what happened to your ex's son happen to them. It makes me sad for my uBPDexgf's kids, particularly because the oldest is so sensitive.

[JRT]

I read long time ago something to the effect that we unconsciously seek our parents in a romantic partner. We develop compulsions to seek whatever is familiar and safe and this also guides the decisions for our partners as well as other relationships. That being the case, it would stand to reason that he goes after a girl like his mom. I recall her having a not altogether disposition.

Poor kid, he will live his entire life this way and the kicker is that he has lived 18 years and for 18 years, that are not even at square one of figuring out what is wrong with him (with mom either and she is 45!). Yet, thanks to this site and other research, I think that I have a large part of it nailed down.

[Dutched]

WOW JRT, that’s indeed amazing.

Sometimes it is a certain confirmation that, although kids don’t say it, they in fact have clear view.

In my situation, my son expressed that some fellow students were ‘emo’s’. So I asked to be more specific. It amazed me, drama, some cutting, attention seeking, playing the victim and getting really upset in certain circumstances of which my son and fellow students asked themselves ‘are they crazy or are we?’

As you wrote, referring to my situation again, my son has a clear view of his mother. Problem however is it is mom. The mom he loves, the mom who also acts weird, comes with weird solutions, etc. It  is mom who twice didn’t attend at his graduation. Mom who said: ‘his future is his problem, NOT mine!’, which he overheard.

As shadowInt also mentioned, indeed I see a certain dynamic in the r/s between my son and his gf.  His gf is really a nice girl (others, friends and family confirm it) however, still somehow I can’t figure her out…

And yes, he is in a way caretaking. On a different level, he is a bit passive.

shadowInt  you wrote

I was just reading that a male child of a Borderline female (and I'm sure vice versa) will usually seek out a borderline female to date because of their mother's patterns when they are children. Essentially what I read says that they will seek out women who are exciting and cause them the internal vibration they had as a youngster.


could you post a link or name title and writer, please?   

[JRT]

It  is mom who twice didn’t attend at his graduation. Mom who said: ‘his future is his problem, NOT mine!’, which he overheard. [/quote]
I couldn't imagine how painful that this would be... .I am really sorry to hear about this.

My ex's son is probably a BPD person as well. Of course he learned the same techniques as his mother on top of other issues that have caused him myriad functional problems (barely graduated from a watered down version of high school, cannot hold down a job, cannot make and keep friends, video game addiction, highly passive/aggressive). It makes me sad to say but although he is highly intelligent and charming, he will likely never be able to have a life outside of his mothers basement. Maybe, just maybe a halfway house of some kind but thats about it... .I have never anyone so much 'out of order'.

[zundertowz]

One of my exes kids was a cutter and had way to much relationship drama for a 11 year old... .it was all very weird and caused a few fights.  The kid was also hospitalized for gender issues and cutting.

[Dutched]

Thanks for the empathy JRT!

I worry about the traits I see… (not as you describe, but in emotions, expressions and a kind reactions without empathy even towards his gf – I addressed it using SET and ‘mom’ as example), but in  since his mom blew the r/s up in front of him (then just 16 yrs.) and sister. Saying ‘to leave temporarily’… . As I spoke with him the next day telling moms’ perception of ‘temporarily’ is permanent (divorce) he was devastated.

Known is that among genetics (exw side mom, 4 kids with strange…), mothers with BPD (their interaction already with the child as a baby!) and other factors not necessarily mean that the PD exposes, but once triggered by a traumatic event, it can. 

Certainly it triggered more than enough in D, for whom I am death.   

[JRT]

As a parent, I see that children learn and repeat what they see, there is no more powerful and educator than example. Sad... .