Miss BPD EX or miss female companionship?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So I was thinking to myself do I actually miss this person and the insanity or do I miss female companionship. I am in my mid 30s and have always been an introvert with self esteem problems, been in 3 longterm relationships from 3 to 8 years and took all of these breakups pretty hard.  I'm 3 weeks into no contact with my BPD ex and it was insanity like the rest of you guys.  I have been a mess but after her last rage, threats, physical attacks and smear campaign I'm under no illusion that this is something I want or that can work for me... .it doesn't hurt any less tho.  The reason I bring this up is someone asked me to a party with her next Saturday and It has made me feel better about myself and my future.  You guys in here are far more knowledgeable and eloquent than I am so my 2 questions are do you guys miss your exes or female companionship and what kind of personalities actually attract these women and put up with there abuse as long as I did.  thnx

[zundertowz]

So I was thinking to myself do I actually miss this person and the insanity or do I miss female companionship. I am in my mid 30s and have always been an introvert with self esteem problems, been in 3 longterm relationships from 3 to 8 years and took all of these breakups pretty hard.  I'm 3 weeks into no contact with my BPD ex and it was insanity like the rest of you guys.  I have been a mess but after her last rage, threats, physical attacks and smear campaign I'm under no illusion that this is something I want or that can work for me... .it doesn't hurt any less tho.  The reason I bring this up is someone asked me to a party with her next Saturday and It has made me feel better about myself and my future.  You guys in here are far more knowledgeable and eloquent than I am so my 2 questions are do you guys miss your exes or female companionship and what kind of personalities actually attract these women and put up with there abuse as long as I did.  thnx

[mitatsu]

I miss the ex i thought i knew but i dont miss the toxic sludge that enveloped us both... .i'm actually turning down females at present as its too quick and alot of them may be Predators and been there got the scars (they are very forward for folk that dont know me) but one speial very old friend is making lovely slow movement

stay strong as fools rush in 

[Plonko]

I miss the person I hoped she could be if things could be ok. I don't miss the person she was. I'm now far enough down the road to be able to see how ridiculous it is to miss someone who never existed.

[Heldfast]

You miss you while she was idealizing you, perhaps? Take a little more time for yourself, then get back out there. No one person holds the key to your love and happiness. Well one does, but that person is and always has been you. Get to know that guy.

[ThanksForPlaying]

I'm now far enough down the road to be able to see how ridiculous it is to miss someone who never existed.

I miss the good times - but can't separate them from the craziness.  I really miss the person who didn't exist.

I stayed in the relationship by justifying the craziness in my own mind and always thinking it would get better.  That better person I hoped for is the one I miss.

All relationships take work, and require forgiveness.  Sometimes it's difficult to know if a red flag is just a normal relationship hurdle or a BPD flag.  When they start adding up, that's when it becomes a problem.

[raisins3142]

You might miss both.  Meaning it is an AND not an OR thing.

[dobie]

I miss the idealisation the dreams and plans my bf I don't miss how one sided the r/s was for years or her anger and stress