Can't stop crying

[mitatsu]

Sorry just had to come on here and release/vent

i dont want her back i dont want that pain but today after 7 weeks N/C i just cannot stop crying i'm a friggin 44 yr old  5.9ft bikers beard tatts the lot i weigh 19st but i'm in bits like a kid i actually hate her why she has destroyed our lives why she wanted to play this cruel game i couldnt of given her anymore if i tried why does she lie even though we are apart why does she try and destroy my life

[Suzn]

I'm sorry you're so upset mitatsu. 

What happened?

[Beach_Babe]

 I am sorry you are hurting so much.    These people are very sick.

[milesperhour]

   We're here, and we're listening.   

[mitatsu]

Bit of self triggering feeling sorry for myself... the whole why me thing and i miss my step daughter so much

i've not had a proper cry since it all happened needed it to come out to feel it and let it pass... it's just taking it's time

thanks friends  

[ReluctantSurvivor]

Hey Mitatsu,

  It's good to let it all out.  I know at one point 4 months out I completely broke down for hours.  The way a pwBPD treats a SO is highly abusive and completely toxic.  It takes a long time to process all that pain.  I am a 6'3" 230lb skilled laborer and a borderline hurt me more than anything in my life.  Work through it brother, letting off some of the internal pressure will help.

[mitatsu]

Hey Mitatsu,

  It's good to let it all out.  I know at one point 4 months out I completely broke down for hours.  The way a pwBPD treats a SO is highly abusive and completely toxic.  It takes a long time to process all that pain.  I am a 6'3" 230lb skilled laborer and a borderline hurt me more than anything in my life.  Work through it brother, letting off some of the internal pressure will help.

Thank you RS   yeah it hit hard today lasted a long while then it lifted with help from here

[Infared]

Mitatsu... .we have all broken down, and it because we are good people and the relationship and our partner meant the world to us... .These break ups are brutal and in my case my ex went out of her way many times to be cruel and abusive to me on top of running off with someone... .so I know the kind of day you had... .and my heart goes out to you...

Crying, feeling your feelings and coming here and talking about it is really, really healthy stuff. You are processing and grieving your loss and we can attest that as time moves on it will get easier and you will heal.

From what I could see, the person that I wrapped my heart around is just so emotionally damaged... relationships seem to be some kind of funny game to them. The heartlessness and coldness are who they are, though... .so we are better off ourselves to grieve and stay away.  

It gets better. We promise.

[eyvindr]

Hang in there, mitatsu.

FWIW, I've been NC for over 6 months, and I still haven't been able to have a good cry over it. I feel better, I know my quality of life has improved -- but I feel like I have some big chunk of emotional shrapnel permanently buried in my soul. Even when it doesn't hurt, I know it's there, and it feels like thinking about it is pointless.

[Sandman1881]

Good for you brother. You did the right thing.

I'm six months out - n/c. It's gotten better for me. I'm living, working again, got my own apartment and after a 2 month recycle with another ex (not healthy as I though and likely npd) I've just started lite dating again. I'm not truly ready, but I'm so detached, and so aware its almost comical.

The retaining order I have against her expires at midnight. I wonder if. ...

It gets easier. But I can't forget. She may have been the one and only woman I ever truly loved. But what's love got to do with it?

Why they feel the need to destroy us, I'll never Know.

I'm a male borderline. It's complicated but undoubtedly true. BPD is different for men I believe but quite intense none the less.

I wish you well.