Day 7 NC completed

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So day 7 came and went without a peep our of her.

This time I'm actually thinking this might be the end of it. She might actually be respecting my request to go our separate ways.

My birthday is this week, so I'm slightly nervous she may use that as an excuse. 

I'm mildly depressed and have some obsessive thinking going but otherwise I'm OK.  Anyone else early on in NC?

[Infern0]

So day 7 came and went without a peep our of her.

This time I'm actually thinking this might be the end of it. She might actually be respecting my request to go our separate ways.

My birthday is this week, so I'm slightly nervous she may use that as an excuse. 

I'm mildly depressed and have some obsessive thinking going but otherwise I'm OK.  Anyone else early on in NC?

[Heldfast]

Four days here. I was reaching out, the she screwed over a mutual friend in a selfish, ridiculous way, in front of his family, making herself pathetic, and the replacement look like the worm that he is. Done. Get yourself together, get yourself strong. Your birthday is your day, spend it with those who truly love you, ignore the one who was faking it.

[dagwoodbowser]

Day 31 here, 4th recycle and God help me my last. The first 10 days are Hell and I cant believe I allowed myself to be in this position again! So, I see myself as a junkie... one day at a time. All I can say if it's your 1st recycle Do Not Reengage! Each time you get dropped it only gets worse.

[Reecer1588]

Day 31 here, 4th recycle and God help me my last. The first 10 days are Hell and I cant believe I allowed myself to be in this position again! So, I see myself as a junkie... one day at a time. All I can say if it's your 1st recycle Do Not Reengage! Each time you get dropped it only gets worse.

But how does it feel when they dropped you and you haven't heard a peep from them in months? It feels horrible. It's as if she forgot I even exist on this Earth. I think it's falling in between a rock and a hard place, you know that recycling would be bad, but you still want it, and it hurts a ton thinking she wants nothing ever to do with you again.

I would say, by the way, around day 7 for me my obsessive behavior was a serious problem. So that's just my experience, infern0

[zundertowz]

Day 31 here, 4th recycle and God help me my last. The first 10 days are Hell and I cant believe I allowed myself to be in this position again! So, I see myself as a junkie... one day at a time. All I can say if it's your 1st recycle Do Not Reengage! Each time you get dropped it only gets worse.

But how does it feel when they dropped you and you haven't heard a peep from them in months? It feels horrible. It's as if she forgot I even exist on this Earth. I think it's falling in between a rock and a hard place, you know that recycling would be bad, but you still want it, and it hurts a ton thinking she wants nothing ever to do with you again.

I would say, by the way, around day 7 for me my obsessive behavior was a serious problem. So that's just my experience, infern0

Im on my second week and this weekend starting feeling awful... .obsessive thinking, anxious, and to be honest suicidal.  So today I joined a BPD support group on facebook... .the vile repulsive things coming out of these womens mouths regarding relationships and men made me sick... .and these are the women who know they have a problem.  Im not gonna repeat anything cause it pretty much just validates that they see us as objects.

[Reecer1588]

mouths regarding relationships and men made me sick... .and these are the women who know they have a problem.  Im not gonna repeat anything cause it pretty much just validates that they see us as objects.

My ex has posted a ton of crap on pinterest that started out being all about "surviving narcissistic relationship abuse" "when my abuser claims to be the victim" and a whole load of vitriolic nonsense. As time went on it became all about "being a single girl" and now it's a bunch of quotes about "being alone."

In my mind she's trying desperately to appear to everyone as this super-independent girl who doesn't need a man in her life.

The depths of the chasm called their brains is incredible. I actually am highly intrigued on a purely intellectual level in just how they can actually conjure up and ACTUALLY BELIEVE all of it.

But I still care about her. Nothing she has posted about "being alone" and all of the nonsense has changed that.

She also constantly posts about "a dream wedding" and "how to be the perfect bridesmaid" and I mean to be honest part of me still wishes her dream man were me.

[cosmonaut]

I know you've been through all of this before, so you have a good idea of what to expect, Infern0.  Just remember that 7 days is really, really early and it's perfectly natural to be feeling everything you are.

Congrats on sticking to your goal, though!  Keep it up!   

[Mutt]

I'm sorry your ex is triggering for your birthday. She may or may not use it. Try to not anticipate what may or may not happen and enjoy the day.

[FlSunshineGirl]

I want to wish you a very Happy Birthday!

Congrats for the 7 days NC! Woohoo

I'm on day 86 NC! Holy cow. I just added that up and can't believe it's been that long already.

Not gonna lie, the first 30 days for me were hell! I felt miserable.

It's like detoxing from a drug.

You crave that drug because it made you feel good sometimes even though it also caused extreme pain other times.

After detox you start thinking more clearly. How the heck did I think something that almost destroyed my health and my life was so good?

Clarity will come.

Each day I get stronger and stronger.

Some days I start to ruminate. But not like I did the first 30.

I struggled with insomnia too some nights from not being able to stop my mind.

I feel so much better now! Stay strong! You'll get there!

[Infern0]

The birthday is going to be a trigger because we were supposed to be going away for it but I don't really have anything else planned so I imagine it'll be a bit like Christmas was but that's OK.

[Mutt]

I think it's good identifying the trigger periods. My T said it's normal. I get triggered during certain times of the year; when my ex was going through engulfment it was seasonal, so around fall I get triggered. I also get triggered around the time she abandoned me in February. He said you experienced trauma, you need more distance behind you; it takes time.

[sadanddestroyed]

It must suck having your birthday in the middle of all of this, I know exactly what that must feel like... .Hope you'll still manage to have a nice day. I'm at day 5 NC right now, also haven't heard a peep from her ever since it all went down. Maybe this will indeed be the end of it for the both of us

[Infern0]

It must suck having your birthday in the middle of all of this, I know exactly what that must feel like... .Hope you'll still manage to have a nice day. I'm at day 5 NC right now, also haven't heard a peep from her ever since it all went down. Maybe this will indeed be the end of it for the both of us

Last time I was forced to go NC it was just before Christmas and she managed to ruin that for me too being miserable while she hung out with my first replacement and his family.  She also ruined valentines day for me and now my birthday too.

[sadanddestroyed]

It hurts a lot seeing them happy with the replacement as we are feeling miserable and missing them. I read a lot about your story myself and I find it hard to believe she truly is happy now. I feel like she'll contact you somewhere along the way, I just hope for you that you'll be strong enough to not let her hurt you again that time. I hope for you and me both that this year we will be able to enjoy christmas for once without feeling constant pain of them not being there.

[Infared]

NC has to be an agreement with yourself, for "you" to protect yourself from more pain, lies, abuse and insanity... It cannot be dependent on anything that the BPD is doing or is going to do. It included for me, having no input about that person from anyone or any media source. Total blackout and having taken all the steps that I "honestly" had to take with myself to know that that was truly what I was about.  Anything less and I was setting myself up for more pain and drama. (Luckily I had no children with mine, so I could easily do what I needed to do)... .but it took a lot of fortitude, support from others and commitment. Tough stuff... .but it got easier over time like many have mentioned.

[LeonVa]

Congrats and stay strong my man, an early happy birthday from me! A new start!

It's been two weeks for me, but I handle it very well, and we have a kid together!  The best thing you can do for yourself is to have no love, no hate as they are not WORTHY of your emotion, a complete waste of time. My ex is stalking me, that's the only reason I still think of her, cuz I worry about my safety!

Focus on yourself and before you know it, you will meet that normal lady unexpectedly and you'll forget about all about her.

Go watch a movie, get out more, spend time with your long lost friends and enjoy being with your family without worry for once.

[FlSunshineGirl]

NC has to be an agreement with yourself, for "you" to protect yourself from more pain, lies, abuse and insanity... It cannot be dependent on anything that the BPD is doing or is going to do. It included for me, having no input about that person from anyone or any media source. Total blackout and having taken all the steps that I "honestly" had to take with myself to know that that was truly what I was about.  Anything less and I was setting myself up for more pain and drama. (Luckily I had no children with mine, so I could easily do what I needed to do)... .but it took a lot of fortitude, support from others and commitment. Tough stuff... .but it got easier over time like many have mentioned.

I couldn't agree more.

[FlSunshineGirl]

I think it's good identifying the trigger periods. My T said it's normal. I get triggered during certain times of the year; when my ex was going through engulfment it was seasonal, so around fall I get triggered. I also get triggered around the time she abandoned me in February. He said you experienced trauma, you need more distance behind you; it takes time.

For me, I was (and still am to a much lesser degree now) always triggered by places we went together. But when I am at a place where I was at with him, I let myself feel the pain, but try not to stay there and by making new good memories at the place, I can lessen the impact of the memories with him. The goal is one day those memories of him at those places will be so distant and faded that I hardly give it an ounce of thought.

[Heldfast]

My exBPD fiancee ruined holidays and new year's for me, leaving me on Dec 15 and spending NYE with the replacement. Birthday was in March though. It was a great day spent boating with friends, and she tried to call me through one of them, who said "better not to speak to him" and hung up. That night, going to bed was hard, but I really enjoyed my day. So, get that same thing, it's your day, the best gift you can give is to avoid her interference and have a good one.

[zundertowz]

My ex ruined my birthday, two vacations, countless weekends after working 50 hour weeks.  I always got the feeling they knew the worst time to rage and did it on purpose.

[sun seeker]

  Inferno

Good job my friend. Keep it up!