Borderlines stabilizing as they get older? Is this only if they get treatment?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Older One understand you fully. Same feelings. My  recent 49 y/o/ ex was a BPD and he managed to ruin our realtionship in 6 months. He was not rude or mean but he would be depressed and emotionally unavailable for me. As soon as he felt I was a bit confused with this he just cut me off. Old pattern was still alive.

[Lavanda]

Older One understand you fully. Same feelings. My  recent 49 y/o/ ex was a BPD and he managed to ruin our realtionship in 6 months. He was not rude or mean but he would be depressed and emotionally unavailable for me. As soon as he felt I was a bit confused with this he just cut me off. Old pattern was still alive.

[OlderOne]

Thanks Lavanda for your support. I wish I had been able to end it in six months. I knew there was something very different about him. I was clueless as to what was going on but I knew I should go slowly.  He was bound and determined to push his way in to my heart, my house and my mind.  He wanted to be there all the time (didn't have a job) but declared he was a writer.  He could write but he never actually finished the book. He resented anything I asked him to do around the house. Why did I put up with this for so long?  I failed myself by not shutting the door on him sooner.  I worked and I believe he took advantage of my not being able to focus fully on what he was all about.

[letmeout]

I now believe that once you have escaped the clutches of a BPD you should never seriously consider going back, even if there are children involved. I believe they are absolutely mentally ill and have moments of "clarity of mind". They have a complicated "unstable" mental state

Ditto on those thoughts. We were married 35 yrs and he just kept getting worse with age. I have refused to break no contact for the past 3 years; my life is too peaceful now to ever go back into that kind of hell.

I wonder if I will be recovering for the rest of my life... .