Facebook and other grief for today

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

It didn't take much thinking. BUT I just read a facebook related thread on the forum here minutes ago.

Here's what I have to say.

Facebook has been a double edged sword. One way or another.

I met my exBPDgf on FB.  We've had FB issues when we were together. We used FB as a source of communication. Ultimately, our breakup, she blocked me and I was/am dying to find out what she's up to.  I also know that finding things out about her on FB, pictures, happy faces, etc. will be my demise.  I think that the reliving stuff in my head, posts, pictures, communications, keeps the rumination going on and on and on.

What the heck Gives!  How can I be so addicted to having FB in my life.  I think if I could NOT check FB on a regular basis, that I would be more peaceful in my gut.  But I feel like I'm missing something!  Is it the intense connection I had with my ex that I don't wanna lose?  There are a few of her family that poke and occasionally send me messages. There is her Brother in law that is in very very bad shape in the hospital... .I pray for him and I think about him and I think about the fact that if the ex didn't initial breakup, I'd still be there and still part of the so-called family. So many many things... .If I am lucky enough to delete one grief, another one pops right up in it's place.  :)on't get me wrong, being part of her family was FAR FAR from being ideal.  I'm a pleaser, and I wanted everyone to like me... .I know now that is just not possible.  It's amazing how FAST everyone abandons you.  Not that I thought anyone really liked or was attached to me (not even the exgf), but when I went to Fl. to be with her, It was like a relay race... .I started running here in NY and then when I got to Fl. I handed off the baton to her and started running with her.  She never really made me feel like Fl. was my new home... .Everything she did remained the same... .we didn't have US... .what we had was ME ENTERING into HER LIFE and adjusting my way of living.  I was real good when I had MONEY.  When that went bye bye, I was only as good as I was.

If it were the other way around... .she left Fl. to come to me... .First I would have dropped to my knees to pray thanks to the Lord. Thanks that someone "out there" loves/cares for me enuff to make such tremendous sacrifices to be with me.  I would have introduced her "gently" to the new world that she was entering... .NY... .a wonderful place, more seasons than Fl. and a whole new way of doing things.  I'd make her so comfortable with her new surroundings.  After that, the loving (just as when I moved to Fl.) would never cease.  I would NEVER EVER take her for granted, and I would always see and recognize that she made tremendous changes in her life.

If in fact, her responses to everything would be what I think... .she would be ecstaticly happy, comfortably adjusted, and MUCHO MUCHO in love with me.  That is the kind of relationship that you go to work and rush home to be with the woman of your dreams, your real soul mate.  

But no.  That was far from what happened.  I learned about BPD and I saw it, and started realizing something terrible was wrong. Things went to crap, especially my heart, dreams, emotions, every damn thing.  I was in her life and I was really her Bitc* now.  She had me in her grasp.  I was there for better or worse... .and the WORSE was overflowing.  I lost me, I lost focus, I forgot who I was and what I was doing.  I was just existing in the moment... .taking care of her kid, minding the house, doing the laundry, cooking meals... .no transportation, no friends... .just her life... .living in her cell.

So I wonder how long I will be in this wretched way.  I wonder how long until I snap out of the "spell" that I'm still in.  I wonder when I will stop thinking of her... .wishing it could all be a dream I could wake from and have her at my side.  I wonder if she will ever contact me.  I wonder if she's replacing me or thinking about me.  For two years with her, I slept on her matress... .a matress that was as old as two previous marriages and whatever was in between.  Then I bought OUR matress.  The bed was a sacred place to me... .I hated that I was just another occupant.  I should have taken the matress and either kept it or dumped it ($2700 memory foam), but I left it for her.  I did what would not cause my heart to hurt.

I know I'm venting somewhat... .but we all are doing that right?  You, him, her, me?  All venting... .all angry... .all distraught... .all questioning?

I don't wanna hurt myself, I don't wanna sit idle, but also, I feel like crap physically and mentally and I seek answers... .and those answers only satisfy me for a couple of hours and then I go deeper and get disappointed in my own weakness.  If God would only make a special appearance and ZAP me!

[DyingLove]

It didn't take much thinking. BUT I just read a facebook related thread on the forum here minutes ago.

Here's what I have to say.

Facebook has been a double edged sword. One way or another.

I met my exBPDgf on FB.  We've had FB issues when we were together. We used FB as a source of communication. Ultimately, our breakup, she blocked me and I was/am dying to find out what she's up to.  I also know that finding things out about her on FB, pictures, happy faces, etc. will be my demise.  I think that the reliving stuff in my head, posts, pictures, communications, keeps the rumination going on and on and on.

What the heck Gives!  How can I be so addicted to having FB in my life.  I think if I could NOT check FB on a regular basis, that I would be more peaceful in my gut.  But I feel like I'm missing something!  Is it the intense connection I had with my ex that I don't wanna lose?  There are a few of her family that poke and occasionally send me messages. There is her Brother in law that is in very very bad shape in the hospital... .I pray for him and I think about him and I think about the fact that if the ex didn't initial breakup, I'd still be there and still part of the so-called family. So many many things... .If I am lucky enough to delete one grief, another one pops right up in it's place.  :)on't get me wrong, being part of her family was FAR FAR from being ideal.  I'm a pleaser, and I wanted everyone to like me... .I know now that is just not possible.  It's amazing how FAST everyone abandons you.  Not that I thought anyone really liked or was attached to me (not even the exgf), but when I went to Fl. to be with her, It was like a relay race... .I started running here in NY and then when I got to Fl. I handed off the baton to her and started running with her.  She never really made me feel like Fl. was my new home... .Everything she did remained the same... .we didn't have US... .what we had was ME ENTERING into HER LIFE and adjusting my way of living.  I was real good when I had MONEY.  When that went bye bye, I was only as good as I was.

If it were the other way around... .she left Fl. to come to me... .First I would have dropped to my knees to pray thanks to the Lord. Thanks that someone "out there" loves/cares for me enuff to make such tremendous sacrifices to be with me.  I would have introduced her "gently" to the new world that she was entering... .NY... .a wonderful place, more seasons than Fl. and a whole new way of doing things.  I'd make her so comfortable with her new surroundings.  After that, the loving (just as when I moved to Fl.) would never cease.  I would NEVER EVER take her for granted, and I would always see and recognize that she made tremendous changes in her life.

If in fact, her responses to everything would be what I think... .she would be ecstaticly happy, comfortably adjusted, and MUCHO MUCHO in love with me.  That is the kind of relationship that you go to work and rush home to be with the woman of your dreams, your real soul mate.  

But no.  That was far from what happened.  I learned about BPD and I saw it, and started realizing something terrible was wrong. Things went to crap, especially my heart, dreams, emotions, every damn thing.  I was in her life and I was really her Bitc* now.  She had me in her grasp.  I was there for better or worse... .and the WORSE was overflowing.  I lost me, I lost focus, I forgot who I was and what I was doing.  I was just existing in the moment... .taking care of her kid, minding the house, doing the laundry, cooking meals... .no transportation, no friends... .just her life... .living in her cell.

So I wonder how long I will be in this wretched way.  I wonder how long until I snap out of the "spell" that I'm still in.  I wonder when I will stop thinking of her... .wishing it could all be a dream I could wake from and have her at my side.  I wonder if she will ever contact me.  I wonder if she's replacing me or thinking about me.  For two years with her, I slept on her matress... .a matress that was as old as two previous marriages and whatever was in between.  Then I bought OUR matress.  The bed was a sacred place to me... .I hated that I was just another occupant.  I should have taken the matress and either kept it or dumped it ($2700 memory foam), but I left it for her.  I did what would not cause my heart to hurt.

I know I'm venting somewhat... .but we all are doing that right?  You, him, her, me?  All venting... .all angry... .all distraught... .all questioning?

I don't wanna hurt myself, I don't wanna sit idle, but also, I feel like crap physically and mentally and I seek answers... .and those answers only satisfy me for a couple of hours and then I go deeper and get disappointed in my own weakness.  If God would only make a special appearance and ZAP me!

[Heldfast]

Sorry you're in this place right now DyingLove. But we've all been here with you and we're all fighting through it. It's especially hard considering you upset your whole world to be with her. Why not try to get off FB for a little while or limit your activity to an hour a day? Trust me, the world on facebook is at best highlights, at worst outright lies, of people's lives. The real world is more mundane, but more interesting. If you want answers, research online, see a therapist, or go out and seek new life experiences. But the answers you need to seek are really only for questions about you, not her. Even if you saw what she was doing on Facebook, it probably wouldn't be real.

[Mike-X]

In my view, FB provides a quick and dirty 'feeling' of connectedness and sometimes validation. I certainly use it for this. Have you thought about 'validation' seeking through FB? There was a time when people would visit with people and talk to feel connected, when they would write thoughtful letters, when they would call... .Now people click 'like' to posts, post a comment, and might occasionally send a private message. Of course, there is the mean-spirited stuff that goes on on FB, too, but you can always 'hide' or 'unfriend' people engaged in that sort of stuff.

Some other things that stood out to me from reading your post:

What are you doing to work on 'you'--to develop deep self-compassion, unconditional love for you?

What are your thoughts on enmeshment in relationships?

What are your thoughts about mirroring and BPD?

[DyingLove]

Sorry you're in this place right now DyingLove. But we've all been here with you and we're all fighting through it. It's especially hard considering you upset your whole world to be with her. Why not try to get off FB for a little while or limit your activity to an hour a day? Trust me, the world on facebook is at best highlights, at worst outright lies, of people's lives. The real world is more mundane, but more interesting. If you want answers, research online, see a therapist, or go out and seek new life experiences. But the answers you need to seek are really only for questions about you, not her. Even if you saw what she was doing on Facebook, it probably wouldn't be real.

Thanks Heldfast.  Seems I needed to vent a lot today.  I must be at a "stage" where I'm going to be ridin' the 'coaster thru some rough territory.  I hate being this way, but I guess we all hate it.  It's hard to "understand" that I'm seeking answers about myself... .I want it to be all about her and how she messed me up!  ... .not about how my shortcomings led me to become part of this mess.  A good friend of mine often aims my focus to my "ego" as being my enemy in all of this grief.  It's hard to separate all the little intricacies and see all this stuff.  There is always some lousy feeling or emotion that is anxioius to move in when one moves out.  I can't believe that I actually thought that it was going to be easy on me once I got out of the r/s.

[DyingLove]

What are you doing to work on 'you'--to develop deep self-compassion, unconditional love for you?

Hard for me to answer this... .I'm still caught up in the aftermath of the r/s and the obsession for the exgf.  I'm trying hard in a sense but it seems that anything and everything stresses me out to the point where I feel like it's overbearing.  I'm still struggling everymorning to get out of bed and function... .but compared to the first week I was back in NY, I'm a finely tuned athlete!  I've got some ways to go I know.  I'm resting up a lot and spending some time with a friend every now and again.  My living arrangements aren't great, but I'm not homeless or without a place to sleep.  Waiting (kinda) on the weather to warm up a lot so that I can go for walks and get back in shape and lose weight.  I'm open for suggestions of course.

What are your thoughts on enmeshment in relationships?



Don't understand this one... .could you please explain?  Thank you.

What are your thoughts about mirroring and BPD?

Don't understand how to relate to this one... .could you please explain also?  Thank you.

[DDMoo2013]

It didn't take much thinking. BUT I just read a facebook related thread on the forum here minutes ago.

Here's what I have to say.

Facebook has been a double edged sword. One way or another.

I met my exBPDgf on FB.  We've had FB issues when we were together. We used FB as a source of communication. Ultimately, our breakup, she blocked me and I was/am dying to find out what she's up to.  I also know that finding things out about her on FB, pictures, happy faces, etc. will be my demise.  I think that the reliving stuff in my head, posts, pictures, communications, keeps the rumination going on and on and on.

What the heck Gives!  How can I be so addicted to having FB in my life.  I think if I could NOT check FB on a regular basis, that I would be more peaceful in my gut.  But I feel like I'm missing something!  Is it the intense connection I had with my ex that I don't wanna lose?  There are a few of her family that poke and occasionally send me messages. There is her Brother in law that is in very very bad shape in the hospital... .I pray for him and I think about him and I think about the fact that if the ex didn't initial breakup, I'd still be there and still part of the so-called family. So many many things... .If I am lucky enough to delete one grief, another one pops right up in it's place.  Don't get me wrong, being part of her family was FAR FAR from being ideal.  I'm a pleaser, and I wanted everyone to like me... .I know now that is just not possible.  It's amazing how FAST everyone abandons you.  Not that I thought anyone really liked or was attached to me (not even the exgf), but when I went to Fl. to be with her, It was like a relay race... .I started running here in NY and then when I got to Fl. I handed off the baton to her and started running with her.  She never really made me feel like Fl. was my new home... .Everything she did remained the same... .we didn't have US... .what we had was ME ENTERING into HER LIFE and adjusting my way of living.  I was real good when I had MONEY.  When that went bye bye, I was only as good as I was.

If it were the other way around... .she left Fl. to come to me... .First I would have dropped to my knees to pray thanks to the Lord. Thanks that someone "out there" loves/cares for me enuff to make such tremendous sacrifices to be with me.  I would have introduced her "gently" to the new world that she was entering... .NY... .a wonderful place, more seasons than Fl. and a whole new way of doing things.  I'd make her so comfortable with her new surroundings.  After that, the loving (just as when I moved to Fl.) would never cease.  I would NEVER EVER take her for granted, and I would always see and recognize that she made tremendous changes in her life.

If in fact, her responses to everything would be what I think... .she would be ecstaticly happy, comfortably adjusted, and MUCHO MUCHO in love with me.  That is the kind of relationship that you go to work and rush home to be with the woman of your dreams, your real soul mate. 

But no.  That was far from what happened.  I learned about BPD and I saw it, and started realizing something terrible was wrong. Things went to crap, especially my heart, dreams, emotions, every damn thing.  I was in her life and I was really her Bitc* now.  She had me in her grasp.  I was there for better or worse... .and the WORSE was overflowing.  I lost me, I lost focus, I forgot who I was and what I was doing.  I was just existing in the moment... .taking care of her kid, minding the house, doing the laundry, cooking meals... .no transportation, no friends... .just her life... .living in her cell.

So I wonder how long I will be in this wretched way.  I wonder how long until I snap out of the "spell" that I'm still in.  I wonder when I will stop thinking of her... .wishing it could all be a dream I could wake from and have her at my side.  I wonder if she will ever contact me.  I wonder if she's replacing me or thinking about me.  For two years with her, I slept on her matress... .a matress that was as old as two previous marriages and whatever was in between.  Then I bought OUR matress.  The bed was a sacred place to me... .I hated that I was just another occupant.  I should have taken the matress and either kept it or dumped it ($2700 memory foam), but I left it for her.  I did what would not cause my heart to hurt.

I know I'm venting somewhat... .but we all are doing that right?  You, him, her, me?  All venting... .all angry... .all distraught... .all questioning?

I don't wanna hurt myself, I don't wanna sit idle, but also, I feel like crap physically and mentally and I seek answers... .and those answers only satisfy me for a couple of hours and then I go deeper and get disappointed in my own weakness.  If God would only make a special appearance and ZAP me!

Dying... .I know how you are feeling and I am feeling similar right now despite 4mths! I still cant get over the shock of the betrayal and deceit after all the declarations of love etc to then be cast aside without a look back.

I have been following my ex BPDgf on FB with her new partner and friends, she has transformed herself into a more stunning, confident and outgoing person, which is the complete opposite of what she was with me, I am soo shocked!

Her FB posts have made me feel really used, betrayed and foolish to have trussted her even though I know that her behaviour right now is not sustainable as she suffers with depression so after her highs comes a massive low... .which was what I had to deal with for 6 years!

She has friended many of my friends, some of whom she has never met, and is constantly in converse with them almost as if to throw flaunt her new life before them as if to say she has made the right choice... .this from someone I supported through drug abuse recovery, homelessness and helped to reconnect with her family... .what a waste of my energy... .I was also getting upset seeing my friends responding to her as if she is their friend? It's not a good for me to be consumed by this as I cant properly detach and I have to!

FB is an illusion of life but no good comes from doing what I have done as it keeps setting me back from my recovery... .I still in my heart want her but my head knows that, even if she came back, it would never work because I could never trust her again... .I dont even want to be friends as she doesnt deserve to be in my life after how she has treated me despite her illness.

I will be cutting of my source today so I will not see anything more about her (already blocked) as I know I need to move on now seriously and I dont expect any resolution or answers from someone who can switch their love from me to a stranger in less than a week! What the heck is that about, it's CRAZY.

Sorry for the rant but I understand that it takes time to process this stuff for ourselves individually and decide how to move forward, but certainly in my experience FB or other social media does more harm than good especially in these types of situations.

[DyingLove]

It didn't take much thinking. BUT I just read a facebook related thread on the forum here minutes ago.

Here's what I have to say.

Facebook has been a double edged sword. One way or another.

I met my exBPDgf on FB.  We've had FB issues when we were together. We used FB as a source of communication. Ultimately, our breakup, she blocked me and I was/am dying to find out what she's up to.  I also know that finding things out about her on FB, pictures, happy faces, etc. will be my demise.  I think that the reliving stuff in my head, posts, pictures, communications, keeps the rumination going on and on and on.

What the heck Gives!  How can I be so addicted to having FB in my life.  I think if I could NOT check FB on a regular basis, that I would be more peaceful in my gut.  But I feel like I'm missing something!  Is it the intense connection I had with my ex that I don't wanna lose?  There are a few of her family that poke and occasionally send me messages. There is her Brother in law that is in very very bad shape in the hospital... .I pray for him and I think about him and I think about the fact that if the ex didn't initial breakup, I'd still be there and still part of the so-called family. So many many things... .If I am lucky enough to delete one grief, another one pops right up in it's place.  Don't get me wrong, being part of her family was FAR FAR from being ideal.  I'm a pleaser, and I wanted everyone to like me... .I know now that is just not possible.  It's amazing how FAST everyone abandons you.  Not that I thought anyone really liked or was attached to me (not even the exgf), but when I went to Fl. to be with her, It was like a relay race... .I started running here in NY and then when I got to Fl. I handed off the baton to her and started running with her.  She never really made me feel like Fl. was my new home... .Everything she did remained the same... .we didn't have US... .what we had was ME ENTERING into HER LIFE and adjusting my way of living.  I was real good when I had MONEY.  When that went bye bye, I was only as good as I was.

If it were the other way around... .she left Fl. to come to me... .First I would have dropped to my knees to pray thanks to the Lord. Thanks that someone "out there" loves/cares for me enuff to make such tremendous sacrifices to be with me.  I would have introduced her "gently" to the new world that she was entering... .NY... .a wonderful place, more seasons than Fl. and a whole new way of doing things.  I'd make her so comfortable with her new surroundings.  After that, the loving (just as when I moved to Fl.) would never cease.  I would NEVER EVER take her for granted, and I would always see and recognize that she made tremendous changes in her life.

If in fact, her responses to everything would be what I think... .she would be ecstaticly happy, comfortably adjusted, and MUCHO MUCHO in love with me.  That is the kind of relationship that you go to work and rush home to be with the woman of your dreams, your real soul mate. 

But no.  That was far from what happened.  I learned about BPD and I saw it, and started realizing something terrible was wrong. Things went to crap, especially my heart, dreams, emotions, every damn thing.  I was in her life and I was really her Bitc* now.  She had me in her grasp.  I was there for better or worse... .and the WORSE was overflowing.  I lost me, I lost focus, I forgot who I was and what I was doing.  I was just existing in the moment... .taking care of her kid, minding the house, doing the laundry, cooking meals... .no transportation, no friends... .just her life... .living in her cell.

So I wonder how long I will be in this wretched way.  I wonder how long until I snap out of the "spell" that I'm still in.  I wonder when I will stop thinking of her... .wishing it could all be a dream I could wake from and have her at my side.  I wonder if she will ever contact me.  I wonder if she's replacing me or thinking about me.  For two years with her, I slept on her matress... .a matress that was as old as two previous marriages and whatever was in between.  Then I bought OUR matress.  The bed was a sacred place to me... .I hated that I was just another occupant.  I should have taken the matress and either kept it or dumped it ($2700 memory foam), but I left it for her.  I did what would not cause my heart to hurt.

I know I'm venting somewhat... .but we all are doing that right?  You, him, her, me?  All venting... .all angry... .all distraught... .all questioning?

I don't wanna hurt myself, I don't wanna sit idle, but also, I feel like crap physically and mentally and I seek answers... .and those answers only satisfy me for a couple of hours and then I go deeper and get disappointed in my own weakness.  If God would only make a special appearance and ZAP me!

Dying... .I know how you are feeling and I am feeling similar right now despite 4mths! I still cant get over the shock of the betrayal and deceit after all the declarations of love etc to then be cast aside without a look back.

I have been following my ex BPDgf on FB with her new partner and friends, she has transformed herself into a more stunning, confident and outgoing person, which is the complete opposite of what she was with me, I am soo shocked!

Her FB posts have made me feel really used, betrayed and foolish to have trussted her even though I know that her behaviour right now is not sustainable as she suffers with depression so after her highs comes a massive low... .which was what I had to deal with for 6 years!

She has friended many of my friends, some of whom she has never met, and is constantly in converse with them almost as if to throw flaunt her new life before them as if to say she has made the right choice... .this from someone I supported through drug abuse recovery, homelessness and helped to reconnect with her family... .what a waste of my energy... .I was also getting upset seeing my friends responding to her as if she is their friend? It's not a good for me to be consumed by this as I cant properly detach and I have to!

FB is an illusion of life but no good comes from doing what I have done as it keeps setting me back from my recovery... .I still in my heart want her but my head knows that, even if she came back, it would never work because I could never trust her again... .I dont even want to be friends as she doesnt deserve to be in my life after how she has treated me despite her illness.

I will be cutting of my source today so I will not see anything more about her (already blocked) as I know I need to move on now seriously and I dont expect any resolution or answers from someone who can switch their love from me to a stranger in less than a week! What the heck is that about, it's CRAZY.

Sorry for the rant but I understand that it takes time to process this stuff for ourselves individually and decide how to move forward, but certainly in my experience FB or other social media does more harm than good especially in these types of situations.

Great for you!  If you do it I am sure you will feel so much better.

Now, that last sentence came from someone that can't get it thru his thick head that he would ALSO be better off heeding those simple directions.  Why is it so hard to follow something that you know will work! I really don't think FB helps the grieving process at all, but maybe finding a sympathetic ear or shoulder is more likely... .but then that seems to lead to more of the same crap.

[DDMoo2013]

Why is it so hard to follow something that you know will work! I[/quote]
I agree it's really hard to do but I guess it's the only way... .

[Mike-X]

What are you doing to work on 'you'--to develop deep self-compassion, unconditional love for you?

Hard for me to answer this... .I'm still caught up in the aftermath of the r/s and the obsession for the exgf.  I'm trying hard in a sense but it seems that anything and everything stresses me out to the point where I feel like it's overbearing.  I'm still struggling everymorning to get out of bed and function... .but compared to the first week I was back in NY, I'm a finely tuned athlete!  I've got some ways to go I know.  I'm resting up a lot and spending some time with a friend every now and again.  My living arrangements aren't great, but I'm not homeless or without a place to sleep.  Waiting (kinda) on the weather to warm up a lot so that I can go for walks and get back in shape and lose weight.  I'm open for suggestions of course.

Don't be too hard on yourself. This is great! You have survived a major break-up that involved moving to a new state and returning to NY, all major stressors in life. Working on your physical and mental health is important right now.

What are your thoughts on enmeshment in relationships?



Don't understand this one... .could you please explain?  Thank you.

Basically, in my opinion, your description of the perfect relationship, the one that you had hoped to have with her, sounded very much like an enmeshed relationship.

Here is a link (much more is available on the Web): www.psychcentral.com/lib/tips-on-setting-boundaries-in-enmeshed-relationships/00017840

What are your thoughts about mirroring and BPD?

Don't understand how to relate to this one... .could you please explain also?  Thank you.

Maybe I misread parts of your post, and please forgive me if I did. But my question was mostly triggered by your description of a soulmate.

3) The term mirroring at BPD Family has come over the years to mean an extreme version of what Boothman talks about - basically a person with BPD becoming a chameleon.  I'm not sure of the origin of this usage - I think the "non" communities just adopted it.  Members often use "mirroring" to describe the way a person with Borderline Personality Disorder "changes themselves" to gain your love.   It's not just about mimicking your style, but even about mimicking your "dreams".   Many members describe how a BP picked up on their values and modeled themselves after their dream girl (guy) - taking that persona on.  A BPD can be one way in one relationship and very different in another based on what they think that person deeply desires."

from: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=58298.0

[DyingLove]

Thank you Mike-X. I browsed the links you gave me and want to further read later after I get some work done.  Thank you.

[Mike-X]

Thank you Mike-X. I browsed the links you gave me and want to further read later after I get some work done.  Thank you.

You're welcome. You will get through this. Thank you for posting all of this.