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Author Topic: Movies trigger your pwBPD?  (Read 435 times)
isilme
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 2714



« on: April 15, 2015, 10:26:26 AM »

Overall, from the time I came here for both help with my personal relationship with my now FI, and to heal from the environment in which I grew up, our relationship has improved.  I learned a little about how to stop making it worse, and that made a world of difference. 

But the last couple of years have had loads of outside stress come in, and I am not as "emotionally nimble" as I can usually be - I am worn out from work stress at my job, and FI's job deteriorated badly enough he had to quit, be unemployed a month, and then try to heal enough to function at a new job.  His previous employer  hid behind her gender and age (over 60 - when caught in a lie or misconduct, played the wide-eyed, "well I had NO idea, I'm just a little old lady here!" act)  to commit abuse and simple assault, and with his fleas from his mother, he took it for a long time because he's used to a "queen/waif" bossing him around.  I realized how bad it was as he spoke about work and I saw mirrors to how my own mother acted, and saw that a situation similar to my home life as a child was occurring in his workplace, but people are far more apt to believe a child could be abused at home than a grown man in a workplace.  Basically, all systems to prevent workplace abuse seem to protect women like her.  I know he has issues, and know he could have tried other things, but frankly, after he spoke to several supervisors up the chain, it because evident they were mostly worried if he cold sue, and being a white male under 40, his claims didn't matter (your boss is not supposed to grab you by the arm and shove you around, invade your space to poke you in the chest while threatening to fire you for asking a question she was embarrassed to not know the answer to - she did this to others, but all were afraid of her).  Anyway, he's very hurt and damaged from 5 years of working there with increasingly abusive behavior.  He talks at times about wanting to punish her, or get revenge on her, and then about how guilty those thoughts make him feel and how bad he feels thinking things like that.  This had led him to watch a lot of movies like "Payback" and "Kill Bill", looking for some emotional supply from the revenge theme.

He's also got a chip on his shoulder, thanks to his mom and sister, about women in general.  He's improved, after years of me telling him to stop punishing me for things they did just because I am female, but it still crops up. 

Last night, we were watching the Caveziel version of the Count of Monte Cristo, and for those who don't know the story, a part of it involves the main character's fiancee, after thinking him to be dead, realizing she was pregnant with his kid, marrying his wealthy, semi-royal, best friend.  Unfortunately, the friend was one of the main antagonists who betrayed the main character, Edmund.  The wife learns over the years of the main character's imprisonment that her now husband is not a good man, and yes, stays with him out of saving face and being a countess.  In my opinion, she thinks she's lost everything anyway except to keep her son safe and happy, so she cares little for the things her husband does/

FI was very angry with the fiancee, Mercedes, and kept going on and on about how Edmund should have punished her, too, locked her away for years like he was, etc.  I guess I was invalidating when I stated, "But she didn't know he was even alive.  She turned to the 3rd person in their friendship for comfort after his death, and needed to have a name for the soon to be ass son she was going to have.  Once she realized he was alive, she left her husband"  FI - only because he had money and her husband was broke. He needed to be angry at her, and then started a rant about how women always do this or that for money, which of course triggered me into defending the character more (stupid me.)  A big part of the story is Edmund learning to let go of his need for total revenge, and that his love for Mercedes transcended his hatred of her husband.  It's a revenge story that teaches that revenge is not really an answer, except for maybe the most immediate anger. 

Anyway, it lead to him yelling at me about everything under the sun, from the dishes not being done to taking too long on a sewing project he needed help on for a freelance client - I have been working overtime a lot since January when my office became two-people short, and am tired and stressed, and so feel that if he can't do dishes, I should not freak out about them every day, either.  I do pretty much all housework and yard work simply because most of the time I don't mind and it's my form of exercise ion busy days (but I also usually have time to do it - that is not true lately).  I realized too late what was happening, and stopped defending myself in invalidating ways, tried to give him as much space as I could in our small house until bed.  He awoke still angry, yelled at me more this morning.  I was too tired and can often be numb when faced with stuff like this, and realized he's trying to get me to argue back to justify his reactions, so I didn't.  But I AM upset a bit.  Not crying at my desk upset, but ugh. 

So - does anyone else find that movies can trigger your person with BPD (tendencies)?  I know there was more lurking there, but the movie seemed to bring it out.
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