Sister with borderline

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi.

My 10 year older sister and I (im 25) have never lived together: i grew up with our mom and my dad, she grew up with her dad and partially lived in foster care. For many reasons which I know just a little about, her childhood were quit harsh and not safe. She didn't have the same, secure childhood as i had and i think this is one reason why she now, at grown age, have been diagnosed with borderline. We started get better connection when i was a teenager, she visited us more often and now when we are grown ups we finally live in the same town and can hang out at any time. But here is my problem: Im imbaressed by it since she is my sister but i find it very hard to socialize with her. She has many of the listed sides of one with borderline, with lots of emotions (angry, dramatic), very spontanoius, are afraid to be abanded etc. I find it hard to follow her always changing standpoint and opinions, and in a room full of people she takes over it all as if it was her stage. A first step to better understand how I can talk to her better and understand her better would be to tall directly to her, but since were not very vlose as sisters i find it hard. I would like to know if anyone has any ideas on how to communicate better and to hang along the always changing mood and opinions of a siblong eith borderline. Im not even sure if i ask a relevant question, i would appreciate any thought really, from someone who has been better to understand theirr familymember with the diagnose. Thank you om beforehand!

[emelina]

Hi.

My 10 year older sister and I (im 25) have never lived together: i grew up with our mom and my dad, she grew up with her dad and partially lived in foster care. For many reasons which I know just a little about, her childhood were quit harsh and not safe. She didn't have the same, secure childhood as i had and i think this is one reason why she now, at grown age, have been diagnosed with borderline. We started get better connection when i was a teenager, she visited us more often and now when we are grown ups we finally live in the same town and can hang out at any time. But here is my problem: Im imbaressed by it since she is my sister but i find it very hard to socialize with her. She has many of the listed sides of one with borderline, with lots of emotions (angry, dramatic), very spontanoius, are afraid to be abanded etc. I find it hard to follow her always changing standpoint and opinions, and in a room full of people she takes over it all as if it was her stage. A first step to better understand how I can talk to her better and understand her better would be to tall directly to her, but since were not very vlose as sisters i find it hard. I would like to know if anyone has any ideas on how to communicate better and to hang along the always changing mood and opinions of a siblong eith borderline. Im not even sure if i ask a relevant question, i would appreciate any thought really, from someone who has been better to understand theirr familymember with the diagnose. Thank you om beforehand!

[Kwamina]

Hi emelina

Welcome to bpdfamily and thanks for posting this introduction

BPD is a difficult disorder to deal with but now that your sister has been diagnosed, you at least know what you're dealing with. When exactly was she diagnosed and what led up to her being diagnosed? Is your sister getting any targeted treatment to help her better manage her BPD?

Communication with a BPD family-member can indeed be quite challenging. However, there are certain techniques that might help you improve you communication with her. I suggest you start by taking a look at some resources we have here about validation and things you can do yourself to 'end the cycle of conflict':

The Importance of Validating Others

A 3 Minute Lesson on Ending Conflict

Here are some excerpts from the article about validation:

When it comes to emotional intelligence, one of the most advanced skills is knowing how to better validate others. Validation opens people up and contributes to the feeling of comfort and safety when communicating with you.  Conversely, if you are experiencing a communication breakdown, if there is a wall between you and someone else, it most likely has been built with the bricks of invalidation.

... .

Nowhere is the communication skill of validation more important than in interfacing with highly sensitive individuals, individuals with low self esteem or individuals who are easily intimidated.  This is a very valuable tool for dealing with people with Borderline Personality Disorder.

To validate someone's feelings is first to accept someone's feelings - and then to understand them - and finally to nurture them. To validate is to acknowledge and accept a person. Invalidation, on the other hand, is to reject, ignore, or judge.

Validation of feelings is vital to connecting with others. The mutual validation of feelings is important in all phases of relationships including building, maintaining, repairing, and improving them.

Your sister has been diagnosed, do you feel that she acknowledges and accepts this BPD diagnosis? Does she acknowledge that there might be something wrong with certain aspects of her behavior?