Agreeing to DBT

[bluejeans]

Just a quick note for now. I told my partner that I believe she has BPD and that she might find DBT helpful. She has agreed to give it a try. We have had three conversations about it so far and she is willing. I will explain how we got to this point later but just wanted to check in for now. I am hopeful at the moment.

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[EaglesJuju]

This is good news bluejeans.  It is good to have hope for improving your relationship. 

Looking forward to hearing about how you got to this point.

[formflier]

 

 

This is great news!  I can't wait to hear the rest of the story.

FF

[Stalwart]

Awesome news bluejeans and I so hope she follows through and you also learn about DBT to help support her in a way that compliments her efforts but doesn't force her progress.

I'd really like to read and I'm really looking forward to your post on "how you got to that point'. So many hope to be in the position you are and the experience would be inspiring and helpful.

Best of luck going down a new path with your partner as she learns. I'm really happy for you and hopeful.

[bluejeans]

In a nutshell, we saw a new couples therapist together after work one day last week. It didn't go very well and my uBPDSO decided she wanted to break up if I didn't change.  A day or two later, since we were sort of broken up (but still living together), I decided that I would bring up BPD - what did I have to lose?, I thought, since it wasn't going very well anyway. At this point, I had already left a message with her T and wrote a note to her P a few weeks prior.

I started out saying that I wanted to talk to her about something, that I would like her to just listen first before she says anything.  I told her that I really love her, really care about her, and that I understand how hard her childhood was and how hard things are for her now in many ways.  I told her that I have done a lot of research about BPD (books, online, etc.) and that it seems to me that she has it. I jumped right in to say that there appears to be treatment for it, and I told her about DBT, that I have read about it as well.  I told her that I would be willing to learn more about it and to help her in the process. 

I made a huge effort to bring it up in a very loving way, to show her that I really see how she struggles and how this may be the answer to what she has been looking for for so long with all the T and P's over the years, that this may explain a lot.

What may have helped is that she has always seen a T and P so that is not an issue. We had a couple of conversations after that where she said she didn't want to be labeled. I said don't think about the label or name, just thing about getting the treatment.

Right now she is in the middle of getting ready to take a really big exam at the end of next month and we agreed that she would wait until after that to begin. That makes sense.

Still hopeful about this.

[bluejeans]

Also, she did mention to her T that I said she may have BPD. Her T says she does not have it, that she has had clients with it and those that have it are not able to function, but that she does have some traits.  She did disregulate about that, telling me that I am not a P and have no business diagnosing her, etc. but then got over that. I just emphasized that I believe that she has the traits and that there is treatment.

I mentioned that many people that have it are able to function (I wouldn't tell her otherwise) and that there are other people in town that specialize in it and may be able to help. She wanted help on finding out more so I forwarded some names and a local center that deals with it.