Ex is mocking my new girl and baiting me

[DestroyedKnight]

Ok so my ex left me,turned into the devil incarnate and put me through months of hell.Now she is mocking my current girlfriend with her circle of orbiters.Why why why? I wouldn't imagine she is jealous surely

What is she looking to achieve from this? any idea would be greatly appreciated

[ShadowIntheNight]

Ok so my ex left me,turned into the devil incarnate and put me through months of hell.Now she is mocking my current girlfriend with her circle of orbiters.Why why why? I wouldn't imagine she is jealous surely

What is she looking to achieve from this? any idea would be greatly appreciated

You could probably get a better answer on the leaving board. However, it is my understanding that a BPD will rage or be like the devil when it seems that a former "supply" is no longer available. Apparently it makes their abandonment issues become even more pronounced.

My experience with this, tho I didn't figure it out until the last few weeks was that my uBPDexgf of 9.5 yrs would constantly rage about her exH. She divorced him, was happy to be way from him, and life seemed good the first 5.5 yrs we were together. He got married around that time, and she couldn't even talk about him without calling him an effer after that. And I was NEVER allowed to say his name. When we talked about him, which was all the time, we used a name that she designated as the appropriate thing to call him. This was twofold, first so her kids wouldn't know it was him she was talking about, but I'm sure they knew, and secondly so she would never have to say his name. She hated him worse 10 yrs AFTER the divorce.

Also, I expect jealousy is in there too cause I bet you aren't chasing the ex anymore, are you?

[OffRoad]

When we talked about him, which was all the time, we used a name that she designated as the appropriate thing to call him.

He-who-must-not-be-named?

[DestroyedKnight]

Ok so my ex left me,turned into the devil incarnate and put me through months of hell.Now she is mocking my current girlfriend with her circle of orbiters.Why why why? I wouldn't imagine she is jealous surely

What is she looking to achieve from this? any idea would be greatly appreciated

You could probably get a better answer on the leaving board. However, it is my understanding that a BPD will rage or be like the devil when it seems that a former "supply" is no longer available. Apparently it makes their abandonment issues become even more pronounced.

My experience with this, tho I didn't figure it out until the last few weeks was that my uBPDexgf of 9.5 yrs would constantly rage about her exH. She divorced him, was happy to be way from him, and life seemed good the first 5.5 yrs we were together. He got married around that time, and she couldn't even talk about him without calling him an effer after that. And I was NEVER allowed to say his name. When we talked about him, which was all the time, we used a name that she designated as the appropriate thing to call him. This was twofold, first so her kids wouldn't know it was him she was talking about, but I'm sure they knew, and secondly so she would never have to say his name. She hated him worse 10 yrs AFTER the divorce.

Also, I expect jealousy is in there too cause I bet you aren't chasing the ex anymore, are you?

I was with my ex for 9 years.The first few months after the split were hell for me.I have never seen someone change from this once loving sweet kind person into what can only be described as the devil.Some of the things she did or aimed at me were just pure evil.Now I am armed with all this valuable knowledge I am not rising to any of it and I think this might be driving her mad.(could be wrong)

I calmly told her in an a reply to an email from her the other night that it is for the best that I am no longer around her because it is not fair on our children to see us arguing and the emotions involved but she seemed more interested in telling me I was paying more attention to my new girlfriend than my children.I didn't rise to it

Then she resorts to calling my girlfriend miss piggy and her and her orbiters take to fb mocking her and calling me kermit the frog.My ex said "is he pissed?" and her sister replied "no he's not pissed now but he will be when he sees this ". I sat there thinking these people have the mentality of 5 year olds and all she is looking for is a reaction out of me.Well I aint going to be pissed and I am not going to give her the satisfaction no more

[ShadowIntheNight]

Ok so my ex left me,turned into the devil incarnate and put me through months of hell.Now she is mocking my current girlfriend with her circle of orbiters.Why why why? I wouldn't imagine she is jealous surely

What is she looking to achieve from this? any idea would be greatly appreciated

You could probably get a better answer on the leaving board. However, it is my understanding that a BPD will rage or be like the devil when it seems that a former "supply" is no longer available. Apparently it makes their abandonment issues become even more pronounced.

My experience with this, tho I didn't figure it out until the last few weeks was that my uBPDexgf of 9.5 yrs would constantly rage about her exH. She divorced him, was happy to be way from him, and life seemed good the first 5.5 yrs we were together. He got married around that time, and she couldn't even talk about him without calling him an effer after that. And I was NEVER allowed to say his name. When we talked about him, which was all the time, we used a name that she designated as the appropriate thing to call him. This was twofold, first so her kids wouldn't know it was him she was talking about, but I'm sure they knew, and secondly so she would never have to say his name. She hated him worse 10 yrs AFTER the divorce.

Also, I expect jealousy is in there too cause I bet you aren't chasing the ex anymore, are you?

I was with my ex for 9 years.The first few months after the split were hell for me.I have never seen someone change from this once loving sweet kind person into what can only be described as the devil.Some of the things she did or aimed at me were just pure evil.Now I am armed with all this valuable knowledge I am not rising to any of it and I think this might be driving her mad.(could be wrong)

I calmly told her in an a reply to an email from her the other night that it is for the best that I am no longer around her because it is not fair on our children to see us arguing and the emotions involved but she seemed more interested in telling me I was paying more attention to my new girlfriend than my children.I didn't rise to it

Then she resorts to calling my girlfriend miss piggy and her and her orbiters take to fb mocking her and calling me kermit the frog.My ex said "is he pissed?" and her sister replied "no he's not pissed now but he will be when he sees this ". I sat there thinking these people have the mentality of 5 year olds and all she is looking for is a reaction out of me.Well I aint going to be pissed and I am not going to give her the satisfaction no more

That's the best attitude to have. I remember the first time my uBPDexgf's new wife (who he was only dating at the time) came around to one of their kid's soccer game. She did her best not to stare, called her names to her friends, and acted like she was the belle of the ball with her friends. All to get attention from her and to show how "happy" she was.  Over the years, whenever my ex and her exH's wife were to be someplace together, she ALWAYS made sure she looked spectacular. She wanted everyone else to see what her exH no longer had and what a frump his new wife was. understand, SHE filed for the divorce, she wanted out of the marriage, she hated him. And yet her actions were as if he left her. It made no sense to me why she even cared remotely. She should have been happy as it meant he wouldn't be pestering her. That's all true for a normal person.

For someone with BPD though, I've come to learn, it means pain. Her abandonment issues with her father were clearly on display here. It makes sense to me now. All those years she went on about her exH, I didn't get it. I do now.

Clearly your ex has probably got abandonment issues with one of her parents. And you're right, it is like a 5 year old. More proof that those with BPD do have that kind of childish mentality.

[DestroyedKnight]

Ok so my ex left me,turned into the devil incarnate and put me through months of hell.Now she is mocking my current girlfriend with her circle of orbiters.Why why why? I wouldn't imagine she is jealous surely

What is she looking to achieve from this? any idea would be greatly appreciated

You could probably get a better answer on the leaving board. However, it is my understanding that a BPD will rage or be like the devil when it seems that a former "supply" is no longer available. Apparently it makes their abandonment issues become even more pronounced.

My experience with this, tho I didn't figure it out until the last few weeks was that my uBPDexgf of 9.5 yrs would constantly rage about her exH. She divorced him, was happy to be way from him, and life seemed good the first 5.5 yrs we were together. He got married around that time, and she couldn't even talk about him without calling him an effer after that. And I was NEVER allowed to say his name. When we talked about him, which was all the time, we used a name that she designated as the appropriate thing to call him. This was twofold, first so her kids wouldn't know it was him she was talking about, but I'm sure they knew, and secondly so she would never have to say his name. She hated him worse 10 yrs AFTER the divorce.

Also, I expect jealousy is in there too cause I bet you aren't chasing the ex anymore, are you?

I was with my ex for 9 years.The first few months after the split were hell for me.I have never seen someone change from this once loving sweet kind person into what can only be described as the devil.Some of the things she did or aimed at me were just pure evil.Now I am armed with all this valuable knowledge I am not rising to any of it and I think this might be driving her mad.(could be wrong)

I calmly told her in an a reply to an email from her the other night that it is for the best that I am no longer around her because it is not fair on our children to see us arguing and the emotions involved but she seemed more interested in telling me I was paying more attention to my new girlfriend than my children.I didn't rise to it

Then she resorts to calling my girlfriend miss piggy and her and her orbiters take to fb mocking her and calling me kermit the frog.My ex said "is he pissed?" and her sister replied "no he's not pissed now but he will be when he sees this ". I sat there thinking these people have the mentality of 5 year olds and all she is looking for is a reaction out of me.Well I aint going to be pissed and I am not going to give her the satisfaction no more

That's the best attitude to have. I remember the first time my uBPDexgf's new wife (who he was only dating at the time) came around to one of their kid's soccer game. She did her best not to stare, called her names to her friends, and acted like she was the belle of the ball with her friends. All to get attention from her and to show how "happy" she was.  Over the years, whenever my ex and her exH's wife were to be someplace together, she ALWAYS made sure she looked spectacular. She wanted everyone else to see what her exH no longer had and what a frump his new wife was. understand, SHE filed for the divorce, she wanted out of the marriage, she hated him. And yet her actions were as if he left her. It made no sense to me why she even cared remotely. She should have been happy as it meant he wouldn't be pestering her. That's all true for a normal person.

For someone with BPD though, I've come to learn, it means pain. Her abandonment issues with her father were clearly on display here. It makes sense to me now. All those years she went on about her exH, I didn't get it. I do now.

Clearly your ex has probably got abandonment issues with one of her parents. And you're right, it is like a 5 year old. More proof that those with BPD do have that kind of childish mentality.

What baffles me the most shadowinthenight is not only is my udpwBPD acting like a 5 year old but her orbiters who are old enough to know better are acting in this manner too and it really is pathetic.Now I am 35 years old and I have quite a wise head on my shoulders but to sit and watch a 27 year old young woman attach to a 50 year old woman and both of them behave like this really does make me scratch my head.

I know it is not as rosy as my ex is making out,I also know she is suffering.She takes great pride in trying to put on a front and make out she is meeting a new man.It is all lies aimed to get at me and get a reaction.I know deep down she is posting all these quotes in the hope I tell her I love her but then I also know she will tell me to **** off  again so as much as I want to hold my hand out to her AGAIN I am sparing myself the hurt.

Funny you should mention the abandonment issue could be down to one of her parents.I believe wholeheartedly now that she was abused by her father as she has mentioned this in the past and also had a still birth which affected her enormously.

My aunt keeps telling me if I love her which I do so much that I should get her into counseling but as I keep saying to her you can lead a horse to water... .end of discussion

[GrowThroughIt]

Those that are mocking, it says more about them than about you or your gf.

You could look at her behaviour and just think "Phew! Not with that any more!" 

[Mister Brightside]

What is she looking to achieve from this? any idea would be greatly appreciated

Borderlines and narcissists, and a host of others, treat people like objects. One helpful way to think about it, since borderlines have the mind of a child, is to think of us as toys. We were once their favorite toy (idealization stage). They wanted to play with us whenever they got a chance to and got upset when they couldn't, even if they had played with us all day. Eventually they got tired of playing with us, and put is in their closet in case they ever wanted to play with us again.

But instead of being in her closet, you ended up in someone else's house (your new girl), and even though borderline doesn't necessarily want to play with you anymore, or at least you're not her first choice to play with, she is upset that someone else is now playing with "her" toy. She realizes that you are no longer an option for her, and now she's throwing a tantrum.

[ShadowIntheNight]

I suspect the older one is possibly latching on to your ex as well. If ur ex is BPD, then it's possible the older woman is potentially a rescuer. Also, it's possible your wife's youthfulness is playing into the older woman's need to feel young and her actions to be accepted. Sounds like junior high, right? Well if your exWife's is BPD, that 50 year old friend has a shelf life. She just doesn't realize it yet.

[Blimblam]

That sounds horrible!

It could be you are still on her mind and her and your orbiters have bonded over mocking the idea of you.  That is incredibly immature and shallow!  It could be that the orbiters are on some level jealous of your continued presence in their interactions with her so they mock you to feel more secure in their interactions with her.

[DestroyedKnight]

That sounds horrible!

It could be you are still on her mind and her and your orbiters have bonded over mocking the idea of you.  That is incredibly immature and shallow!  It could be that the orbiters are on some level jealous of your continued presence in their interactions with her so they mock you to feel more secure in their interactions with her.

I know she is missing me,because she is trying with all her mite to get a reaction from me.She has tried the nicey nicey indirect love quotes and songs which fell on deaf ears now she thought hmm I will get my 50 year old mate and my sister who is also a bit bat ___ crazy to start mocking his new gf in the hope he kicks off and says something

Back to the drawing board for her I am afraid. I personally feel that she is either going to do one of 2 things,she will get tired of the baiting and she will finally find another victim but I believe that will involve her running away with our children or 2 she will have a breakdown of some sort so far she is remaining strong on both fronts 

[Blimblam]

Well I am not aware of all the details of your Rs ir break up but I'm guessing you have been in nc for a while now?

Nc hurts it's essentially the silent treatment. 

[DestroyedKnight]

Well I am not aware of all the details of your Rs ir break up but I'm guessing you have been in nc for a while now?

Nc hurts it's essentially the silent treatment. 

If you would like to take a read here is a link to the details of the break up. Initially I was hit by her very hard with the silent treatment.I was begging and begging her to tell me what was wrong and this went on for a good few months and I still haven't received any closure other than her telling me it was all my fault . One of her reasons was because she said I was a lazy slob but yet I started work in August 2014 and go out to work daily while she sits at home on benefits and she has tried to get with a guy who smokes weed and does exactly the same thing she does. Go figure

Now I am the one who is playing the nc card to help me start back on my road to recovery and I do not believe she is liking it

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=272154.msg12582051#msg12582051