"For this kind of woman, it's all about The Chase. A Borderline's sense of Self is predicated on her ability to manipulate your desire and emotions; when a seduction challenge comes to an end, so does her capacity to reinvigorate self-esteem--at least until the next elusive lover is found.
Dagwoodbowser, is your quote from a "hate" website? It seems to lack the transactional aspect of why these relationship get out of balance.
For all of us, the lure of the chase adds value. It's the psychology of supply and demand, we generally value what we can't have higher. Its why playing hard to get works (if we don't overdo it).
A more realistic and less sensational explanation of the relationship dymnamics might be that pwBPD are emotionally immature. Bowen defines immaturity as unrealistic expectations. pwBPD often have unrealistic expectations in relationships and when the honeymoon comes to an end (as in all relationships) and the first stage of reality come in, they start to become disappointed and disillusioned - far more than the norm. Many relationships (all types) fail here. The reality falls short of the expectations.
Many of the "BPD" relationship become really unbalanced at this point. A pwBPD sells really hard in the beginning (oversells) and if we buy into it and then they start backing off in the first reality stage AND we respond by overpursuing, the relationship balance gets wacky.
How many of us were convinced we were "gods gift" to our partner and when they stepped back, we ran after them like bulls. Now the balance is shifted from low supply to over supply. Our value dropped.
Relationships are transactional. Its important to look at the back and forth.
There is no way she could know that I was done. But she did know. With in a week of my deciding I was done the efforts to re engage me into her life began. They have not ended to this day they get more intense as time goes the.
People with BPD are generally know to be very perceptive and able to read others. Conversely, many of us are not skilled in this. We have seen members reporting this mismatch for years.
We signal a lot of things in very subtle ways - others can pick up on it. It might have just been you tone in the last contact, her knowing your reconnect patterns and cycles, etc.
