finally left girlfriend after almost 2 years...

[Mike-X]

Identity disturbance is a core symptom of BPD.

identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

Are you familiar with 'mirroring' in BPD?

 yes I'm familiar with mirroring.  when she reaches out again should I recommend counseling?

If she was mirroring you, do you see how that might have affected your attraction to her early on and might explain the dissonance that you seem to be struggling with regarding the 'real' her?



How do you think she might respond to you recommending counseling? Most of the things that I have read have said it is a bad idea to tell someone you suspect that they have BPD. But what are your thoughts?

Are you in a good mental state to interact with right now?

Yes i understand, but there were many times where  it seemed like she was  being real with me, and would tell me very personal things, although i know people with BPD disassociate from people as if they are able to cut off emotions.  i would say its probably a good idea me and her dont talk for a while, along with her unpredictable behavior, shes dangerous to be around and im realizing that now.  this is a girl that was active in gangs in detroit when she was in middle school... .   i think deep down, shes a good person.  i have actually talked to her about this a few months ago before our last blow up and she was just kind of eh. although she did admit she has problems mentally... .   idk, after this huge blowup, maybe she will never contact me again.  at some point i had to stand my ground, it was getting ridiculous

There is nothing wrong with taking time to gain some perspective about the relationship -- no contact or low contact. It takes time for the FOG to lift.

Is FOG affecting your thoughts/feelings about standing your ground or establishing/supporting your boundaries in the relationship?

[Mike-X]

one thing that troubles me is im almost positive shes seeing a good friend of mine. i found out he was lying too. and she says things and he says things so i know they are talking.  i dont consider him a friend anymore, simply a drinking buddy and i know his character.  i didnt confront her about it when i took the car back, but that was part of it.  

i wonder if she thinks i know,... .  ten days is the longest i have ever gone nc

Again, with time, the FOG begins to lift, you can focus on 'you', and you gain new perspectives on the relationship.