Today I've realized how pathetically weak I'm. Almost a year passed since our lost contact. I even started to believe that she vanished for good but it turned out that she's not. I don't know why but I started ruminating about her out of the blue. She's not my diagnosed ex, she is something more- a pattern, avatar. My mind tries to persuade me that she was and is only girl that was meant to be with me. Consciously I know that's far from the truth but if you would stand in front of me and said: "a girl", the first image that would come to my mind (and I can bet) is her. During the hard times of my ruminating she was a part of every imagined situation in my mind. She is still there, sitting in the dark corner and waiting for an occasion to show up in the most unpredictable situation.
Who would like to be with a man who always has other girl burried deep in his mind?
Its only been 10 days no contact for me, but in general the relationship has detriorated rapidly past 6-8 months... . its cliche, but the gym and lifting weights, and rediscovering my hobbies has helped. drinking beers with friends helps too, as long as you dont let drinking be about self-medicating. go out and be who you were before you met her... . thats what im trying to do. talk to other girls as much as possible, it helps speed up the process
