I feel a recycle coming on

[Depression = 72% of members]

Why do they know when you are just about over them?

Something strange just happened. One of my ex's friends just friend requested me on facebook. She then promptly removed the request.

What the heck... .

I have been NC for 15 plus weeks and my birthday is coming up this weekend.

For those not familiar with my story. Dated my ex for 6 1/2 month, was coldly dropped before Christmas, cut communication off. I haven't heard from her since.

Based on the assumption that she was doing stuff behind my back, it perfectly fits her pattern of losing interest after four months.

ARGH! LOL

[Jack2727]

Why do they know when you are just about over them?

Something strange just happened. One of my ex's friends just friend requested me on facebook. She then promptly removed the request.

What the heck... .

I have been NC for 15 plus weeks and my birthday is coming up this weekend.

For those not familiar with my story. Dated my ex for 6 1/2 month, was coldly dropped before Christmas, cut communication off. I haven't heard from her since.

Based on the assumption that she was doing stuff behind my back, it perfectly fits her pattern of losing interest after four months.

ARGH! LOL

[Mutt]

Hi Jack2727,

I'm sorry to hear your ex dropped you before the holidays. That's hard.

A friend from your ex friend requested you and removed it.

Take it for what it is.

15 weeks NC 

Try to not let your ex and her friends trigger you this weekend and enjoy your birthday

[Jack2727]

Hey Mutt!

Thanks... . I'm not gonna let her ruin anything. It's just funny how it seems they know when to show up. It reminds me of that scene from the end of the movie Swingers when the ex finally calls.

Thank you for all the good resources you provide! It has helped me through this.

[Mutt]

Hey Jack2727

Great flick  

I agree the timing is funny and good attitude.

I recall I dreaded my birthdays in my marriage because she tried to make me feel guilt and said I made her birthdays less important than mine. I tried to make her birthdays special.

It think it was because it was my day and the attention was less on her .

Good to hear the resources on bpdfamily are helping!

It helped me through some really tough stuff and was a life-line.

[Jack2727]

It seems like they have a radar for holidays and special dates don't they?

I think I'm at a point of immense disappointment in her mental illness. It's a shame that she has to go through that. Never being able to be close, getting rid of decent and good people. I guess I'm thankful that is me.

Yes! Swingers is a great movie! 

[anxiety5]

It seems like they have a radar for holidays and special dates don't they?

I think I'm at a point of immense disappointment in her mental illness. It's a shame that she has to go through that. Never being able to be close, getting rid of decent and good people. I guess I'm thankful that is me.

Yes! Swingers is a great movie! 

15 weeks NC is something to be proud of. All of us here have the same vibe about us though. Feel free to tell me I'm completely wrong, but there is a part of you intrigued. What did she want? Does she have something to tell me? Apologize finally? etc. Please man, for the love of God and sake of your soul, tell those voices of intrigue lurking inside you to shut the f up. If they pop in your head call your buddy and go to a movie. Call someone on the phone and talk about the damn weather. Just-do-not let that tiny, sliver, grain of toxic salt creep into your mind and begin to grow.

You aren't some worthless piece of garbage. You are quite aware of this ,because that's why you went NC for 15 weeks. My point is, someone who so carelessly discarded you without as much as a care in the World for how being left out to dry like that was calculated and cruel is someone who has shown enough window into their character through that one action to last a lifetime.

I'm not sure if you have her number blocked, but if not, block it now. Right this moment. Block her email address, hell, have your roommate, or sibling or parent check your physical mail and the them ahead of time if something is in there from ______ don't tell me just toss it.

My birthday is coming up soon (2 weeks) I'm doing incredibly well. Amazing actually. But it took A LOT of work to get to where I'm at. I'm not going to wonder that entire day, (birthday) each time my phone goes off with a text from a friend saying Happy Birthday, if it's a message from her. Despite all the work I've done, that is the one day I anticipate she would reach out to me, send me a video of her son singing happy birthday or something really sick and manipulative like that. The way I see it, if she is completely blocked, than I don't have to wonder if she will reach out.

I'm not sure if I would think it was nice, or sinister if she reached out and simply said Happy Birthday but the fact that I even have to entertain such an internal debate about a simple text, motivated me to block her as to kill the entire possibility sequence all together.

I read your messages. You seem in a good place and strong. And that's fantastic. I'm just trying to remind you that we fell for these people and we probably once told ourselves that was impossible too, but it happened. Don't underestimate that. Respect that. And the best way to respect it is to eliminate any possibility of it happening. That is when WE are truly empowered and WE are deciding to take control of our own happiness.

Happy early birthday to you and contratulations on your NC. You should feel really great about that. I know it's not easy.

[Jack2727]

Thank you Anxiety! Happy early birthday to you too! If I wasn't so old I would join the special forces because I feel like I have the mental strength to do it. Four months ago today we broke up. Mad props to all of you who have maintained NC. Hardest thing I have ever had to do/

Yes, the thing is I am intrigued. There is a part of me who wants her to contact me. I just think it is crazy that her friend added me as a friend because a) i am not friends with my ex or anyone she knows anymore b) my ex is blocked on fb. I assume my ex asked her to check my page. Crazy!

Shut the F up J! LOL Please for the love of God!

You aren't some worthless piece of garbage. You are quite aware of this ,because that's why you went NC for 15 weeks. My point is, someone who so carelessly discarded you without as much as a care in the World for how being left out to dry like that was calculated and cruel is someone who has shown enough window into their character through that one action to last a lifetime.

Amazing that I met her on a Catholic dating website. I hope she gets the help she needs.

Good job A! I really admire that. You should pat yourself on your back. It's hard to recover from something as traumatic as this. I think we all can relate so much. The only thing really holding me back is my job situation.

As for my birthday, I don't think she is going to contact me. She's more a narcissist. Someday I will spend my birthday with someone who truly values and cares about me. I'm content with being alone, rather with someone who probably would have given me a crappy present and not wanted to finish my special day with a special act.

Thanks again man! Congrats to you as well! I know all well how hard this is. 

[anxiety5]

Thank you Anxiety! Happy early birthday to you too! If I wasn't so old I would join the special forces because I feel like I have the mental strength to do it. Four months ago today we broke up. Mad props to all of you who have maintained NC. Hardest thing I have ever had to do/

Yes, the thing is I am intrigued. There is a part of me who wants her to contact me. I just think it is crazy that her friend added me as a friend because a) i am not friends with my ex or anyone she knows anymore b) my ex is blocked on fb. I assume my ex asked her to check my page. Crazy!

Shut the F up J! LOL Please for the love of God!

You aren't some worthless piece of garbage. You are quite aware of this ,because that's why you went NC for 15 weeks. My point is, someone who so carelessly discarded you without as much as a care in the World for how being left out to dry like that was calculated and cruel is someone who has shown enough window into their character through that one action to last a lifetime.

Amazing that I met her on a Catholic dating website. I hope she gets the help she needs.

Good job A! I really admire that. You should pat yourself on your back. It's hard to recover from something as traumatic as this. I think we all can relate so much. The only thing really holding me back is my job situation.

As for my birthday, I don't think she is going to contact me. She's more a narcissist. Someday I will spend my birthday with someone who truly values and cares about me. I'm content with being alone, rather with someone who probably would have given me a crappy present and not wanted to finish my special day with a special act.

Thanks again man! Congrats to you as well! I know all well how hard this is. 

A catholic dating site? Jesus. (No pun intended) Now that's the type of stuff that terrifies me.

My ex was more of a narcissist too. But she definitely had the emotional outbursts so I was told she'd be classified as BPD but probably co-morbid.

I've learned it doesn't matter. The cluster B's are ALL eerily the same. I still get creeped out about reading about Narcissist females the first time I found an article.  I felt like I was on the Truman Show with Jim Carrey. Finding out my life was all a joke, nothing more than a reality show and I was just a character.  That's how it felt.

I understand so much about the cluster B's now. But it still freaks me out when you consider that someone who has no awareness of their condition, couldn't even define what BPD or NPD are or even stand for, is carrying out every single solitary action and bullet point from an article you are reading, down to exact catch phrases and specific behaviors. All in real time, and the article was written AFTER the behaviors started yet you don't know the author.

My mind still can't grasp this. It sort of defies the logic behind the uniqueness of the human experience. How could people so screwed up in different places, in different ways, in different eras manifest symptoms so completely identical I can read about every aspect of their behavior in an article written by someone who doesn't know them?

Nuts. I guess the saying is true. To know one narcissist, is to know all narcissists. They are so eerily identical and robotic it's crazy, yet I guess in theory that makes them easier to sniff out once we are "aware" and enlightened.

Best of luck to you. I'm glad you have that mental strength. Don't let that be a reason you leave this forum. That type of strength is very infectious and I'm sure your posts could help a lot of people who aren't feeling very empowered.

Thanks for the birthday wishes. You do the same brother.

[Jack2727]

Yeah, I have dated BPD's in the past but my ex was more Narc than BPD. You are 1000% right! They are all very similar and hold many of the same traits.

The thing is that there are so many people out there who have NO IDEA about these disorders. They are very common and for those who are unaware unfortunately go through the same hell over and over.

It is kinda like swallowing a red pill. You get a whole new understanding of it all. Right? I am almost at the point of dating. Do any of you now find yourself doubting your own decision making process.

I think we all share so many similarities. Many of us had tough childhoods with a NARC/Co Dependant parental system. I think my relationship with E made me realize that the answers lie within. In order to stop repeating the patterns I need to look inward and fix my own core wounds.

Do you find yourself A having discussions with your friends and family about psychiatric disorders? I feel like an expert now unfortunately.

Like you, I don't get it as well. It's like the same dogs with different sets of fleas. That's why I am afraid of Tinder, POF, and Match. Maybe I am too good of a guy and have too much of a conscious but I know now off the bat what I am dealing with. i.e. being distant and aloof and they will be eating at my place. Be good and respectful they get bored and run away. LOL.

I think the biggest change now is that I can actually be alone. It isn't so bad. A woman is not going to dictate my value. If you have netflix there is a good film on the russian mail order bride business. So sad to see these guys, who in many ways, were just like me-- so desperate to have the love of a girl to fill their own empty void.

Thank you for the complement! Surviving this hell is something else. Great job as well. I hope I can help others on this site. I feel sometimes its all about me. It really isnt. We all have been through it.

[anxiety5]

Yeah, I have dated BPD's in the past but my ex was more Narc than BPD. You are 1000% right! They are all very similar and hold many of the same traits.

The thing is that there are so many people out there who have NO IDEA about these disorders. They are very common and for those who are unaware unfortunately go through the same hell over and over.

It is kinda like swallowing a red pill. You get a whole new understanding of it all. Right? I am almost at the point of dating. Do any of you now find yourself doubting your own decision making process.

I think we all share so many similarities. Many of us had tough childhoods with a NARC/Co Dependant parental system. I think my relationship with E made me realize that the answers lie within. In order to stop repeating the patterns I need to look inward and fix my own core wounds.

Do you find yourself A having discussions with your friends and family about psychiatric disorders? I feel like an expert now unfortunately.

Like you, I don't get it as well. It's like the same dogs with different sets of fleas. That's why I am afraid of Tinder, POF, and Match. Maybe I am too good of a guy and have too much of a conscious but I know now off the bat what I am dealing with. i.e. being distant and aloof and they will be eating at my place. Be good and respectful they get bored and run away. LOL.

I think the biggest change now is that I can actually be alone. It isn't so bad. A woman is not going to dictate my value. If you have netflix there is a good film on the russian mail order bride business. So sad to see these guys, who in many ways, were just like me-- so desperate to have the love of a girl to fill their own empty void.

Thank you for the complement! Surviving this hell is something else. Great job as well. I hope I can help others on this site. I feel sometimes its all about me. It really isnt. We all have been through it.

Funny you mention this. Online dating is said to have an even greater % per capita than general population who are deemed disordered or at least have high traits. And it makes sense right? These people need a fix, they need to have that false ego upheld. They also crave variety. Is there a better platform where one can create any image they wish, casually hunt in the comfort of their own home, and juggle multiple people or back up lists totally out of site which they can utilize whenever they want?

I was on one of them but got off. I casually talked to a few women, which was refreshing. Then I get a message from this gorgeous blond and I find myself talking to her for the next few days. She calls me, and we talked for about 30 minutes. She talked the entire time, she talked over me, she talked about her harrowing tales of single mom life, and she never once asked me anything about me. She made one comment towards the end of the call that nothing is too good for her child, and she spent 3k on her birthday last year (she was 2!) When we got off this call, I instantly blocked her number ha ha. Call me a jerk, you know what? call me whatever you want to, because the new version of me doesn't care what you think about me. Nobody (outside of here) understands what I (we) went through. I would rather grow old, live with 50 cats, and never touch a woman again, than somehow violate the things I learned and end up in a marriage to someone like this. It's NOT going to happen. And It was incredibly empowering to realize that for the first time in my life, I was able to recognize things, I was able to not fall for these instant requests to talk or hang out when this person doesn't even know my name yet. And I paid attention to the subtle red flags like egocentric focus, haughtiness, etc and just shut it down.

You will be ok man. What you don't realize is by mind screwing the past, which may have seemed counterproductive at the time, I realized all the little things I saw but overlooked. Reliving those moments by ruminating, I was able to empower the best friend I could ever have through validation. My own intuition. Me. And after looking at the entire series of events. My gut KNEW all along, but I didn't have the self respect, self validation, understanding of values or confidence to enforce boundaries.  Realizing I was right, means when I get that feeling again, boom. You're gone.

The courtship phase of just talking should be treated like letting a stranger into your house. Keep your heart open, but keep your mind in check. It will serve you well.