BPD's Face/ Look changes

[starshine]

I've seen complete facial changes too.  I had a friend in complete dysregulation who was painting another friend black, and she kept pressuring me- asking me if I had ever met anyone who became uglier the longer I knew then.  This friend was very agitated and extremely vicious in their language.  Normally quite a beautiful person, they had transformed into something really creepy. It was pretty demonic. 

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[ColdEthyl]

Yep :)mine too has looked almost girl like. Again walking down the road he took on a faminin persona once. Doe eyed and camp. Really not sure what that was about.

I so pleased since coming onto this site my eyes have been open to all the crap that I Really thought that I was seeing too much into things.

Ok... .that's odd too because my H also can appear 'feminine". Some of the males we worked with whispered that he might be gay, because he's a good looking guy who likes to look and smell nice. Pretty stereotypical, but hey.

[MaroonLiquid]

When my wife went off the dysregulation "deep end" 10 months ago, she went from keeping her hair "hi-lighted" (I loved it that way but fine regardless), to dyeing her hair dark brown (it doesn't look bad and is her natural hair color), stopped wearing her wedding ring, and completely doing away with anything that was remotely "me".  I have a side-by-side photoshopped picture of her when we were first together (looked very happy) and her picture 10 months ago that she changed her facebook photo to when she dysregulated where her eyes are black and her skin pale white with a "no one home" demonic half smile.  It freaked me out.  I don't know how they can not look at that and say, "WTH is wrong with me?"

[Cat Familiar]

Yep :)mine too has looked almost girl like. Again walking down the road he took on a faminin persona once. Doe eyed and camp. Really not sure what that was about.

I so pleased since coming onto this site my eyes have been open to all the crap that I Really thought that I was seeing too much into things.

Ok... .that's odd too because my H also can appear 'feminine". Some of the males we worked with whispered that he might be gay, because he's a good looking guy who likes to look and smell nice. Pretty stereotypical, but hey.

LOL! I've often wondered if mine might have some past gay history. I'm way more masculine in a lot of ways, which is really funny since I'm a very thin willowy woman. I guess it's just that I'm a country gal and I don't mind picking up lizards and bugs when they get into the house, while he does the stereotypical female thing of "ewe" and "eek." I also can work really hard physically, while even mowing the lawn for him is exhausting (with a power mower).

[Cat Familiar]

Also I see some extremely different facial expressions. He will do the hangdog look, even dropping his head into his hands and just sitting there. Does he expect me to make conversation with him when he acts like that? Or am I supposed to go into "Oh, you poor dear. Life is so difficult for you."

He can switch his facial expression on a dime if someone shows up. My mother could do this too. I remember marveling at her raging at me in a restaurant, then being so polite, formal and friendly when a waitress visited our table.

[ColdEthyl]

Yep :)mine too has looked almost girl like. Again walking down the road he took on a faminin persona once. Doe eyed and camp. Really not sure what that was about.

I so pleased since coming onto this site my eyes have been open to all the crap that I Really thought that I was seeing too much into things.

Ok... .that's odd too because my H also can appear 'feminine". Some of the males we worked with whispered that he might be gay, because he's a good looking guy who likes to look and smell nice. Pretty stereotypical, but hey.

LOL! I've often wondered if mine might have some past gay history. I'm way more masculine in a lot of ways, which is really funny since I'm a very thin willowy woman. I guess it's just that I'm a country gal and I don't mind picking up lizards and bugs when they get into the house, while he does the stereotypical female thing of "ewe" and "eek." I also can work really hard physically, while even mowing the lawn for him is exhausting (with a power mower).

I am more masculine as well. I tend to hang out with guys more, I like video games, rock concerts, and I don't like shopping or girlie movies. H and I even joke about how I'm the dude and he's the chick

" He will do the hangdog look, even dropping his head into his hands and just sitting there. Does he expect me to make conversation with him when he acts like that? Or am I supposed to go into "Oh, you poor dear. Life is so difficult for you.""

Yes... .yes you are. My H will give the doe eyes and bend his head down. When I see that 'look' in his eye when I get home, I know what direction it's going to go. The thing he does the most that irritates me is that when he's depressed he will 'rut' me like a dog. He will sit next to me on the couch, push his head into my arm until I let him put his head on my lap. He doesn't ask it just this aggressive rut. I've never said anything because when he does that I know he's just wanted comfort but gees try asking.

[Ceruleanblue]

My BPDh's face and body language becomes really frightening looking when he is dysregulated. His dysregulation mostly presents as anger. He gets this super cold look on is face, but it's also very mean looking and scary. My Mom witnessed it more than once, and she said he looks possessed.

I'm hoping with his DBT therapy, I get to see a lot less of the scary face.

[earthgirl]

Oh, yeah.  The face he gets right as he's going into a dysregulated episode... .before he ever says a word.  I'm not even talking about a certain look... .but a certain FACE.  He looks like a totally different person.  Older somehow.  We have a cat that doesn't brook any nonsense from anyone -- when he's mad, he doesn't growl or hiss, but his eyes get wide and his ears go back and you know you'd better back away if you don't want to get swiped at or bitten.  And that is EXACTLY the look my husband gets... .EXACTLY.  It's scary and funny.  (It's never, never funny at the time... .only when I look back at it from a safe distance.)

[Surg_Bear]

This is a great topic of discussion.

There are a ton of non-verbal cues that are objective signs of my BPD wife's emotional state.

My wife is caucasian but her hair is naturally very curly- almost an afro (especially at the nape of her neck- which I guess is referred to as "the Kitchen" in AA culture).  She wears her hair long.

When she gets upset, she gets what me and the kids call "MOOD HAIR"  - her hair puffs up on the sides like Diana Ross in the 70's.  Huge mood hair.  You can spot her mood hair from down the street a block.  Her hair is the truest barometer of the amount of dysregulation present at any given moment.

When she is in a full-on rage, there is a nasal whistle to her breathing, her paraspinal muscles spasm and she grows about an inch or two taller from the unnatural straightening of her spine.  Her face changes dramatically, but to be honest, I can't describe what it looks like, because when she is in the throes of a rage, I cannot look her in the eye.  The rage is so ugly, off-putting and despicable, I can't even look at her face. 

Her face has this scowling twitch of utter contempt that pierces my soul and lays waste to my self concept at times.  The twitch of contempt is nearly always there as a response to any showing of my masculine sexuality- if I am trying to "get smooth" (as she puts it) or if we are discussing / arguing about once a year sex being not enough for me.  The twitch of contempt comes out a lot when I am revealing symptoms and signs that suggest BPD to our Marriage Therapist, too.  Apparently, divulging "secrets"- like her emotional abuse of me- to a therapist is a stimulus for the twitch of contempt.  It is like a fluttering of the right side of her mouth- and it makes me feel so utterly hated, worthless, and undesirable. 

I usually find her face very attractive, and when she smiles at me with genuine happiness and playfulness, I still get the physiological "lust" responses like I did when I was in my 20's- goosebumps, the hair on the back of my neck stands on end, and I feel the hard to describe "energy" awakening / tingling that usually signals an impending erection (even if an erection does not actually follow, the tingling energy feeling does come on).  She is beautiful, and my whole being can't deny it.

None of that happens in me when she is in a rage, or even when she is wearing her long face of suffering a very dark and depressed mood.  A forced smile then, has no effect on me.

Many faces of many moods, to be sure.

But the mood hair, that is something very unique to her, I think.

Surg_Bear