When you don't hear a peep from them. The rare case?

[Reecer1588]

Are there others of you that have ex's go silent and literally not make a peep, absolutely nothing, forever? Well obviously not forever since we're all still alive but you get my point.

To me, from what I've observed, when you go past a couple of months and don't hear a peep from them, your chances of them ever contacting you again go significantly down, has anyone else observed this?

I guess why I ask is because feeling forgotten feels pretty bad.

Just some stories from people who've experienced/experience months/years of not a peep either. When I say 'a peep' I mean no feelers on social media, no covert contact, no nothing. For me it's just the brutal reality that any contact with her= police.

I guess it's just when I read on the 'recycling' workshop something like over 80% of the respondents had at least one recycle... .you know it speaks to the statistical probability that my ex will at least one day contact me, as we've never recycled. But that's just statistics. Realizing I might be that 1/5 who doesn't recycle, and never hear a thing from their ex again is pretty, well, it's a downer.

Of course time marches on and it's been about 3 months since I've heard from her. I'll make a thread the day something changes.

Anyways that's all. I feel a lot better now since going full NC.  

[Reecer1588]

I just wanted to add that having read the thread on 'recycling' I realize that the statement "they're all different" is true. But if anyone says it's 50/50 you hear from them or not, that is not what the numbers say. If I literally never hear another word from her, I would be in the small minority here. What I'm looking for in this thread is to hear from people WHO ARE in the small minority,what they did to cope with the feelings of being forgotten, feelings of abandonment, things like that.

And to hear anyone here who though 'naw I'd never though I'd hear from her again... . then one day months/years later she just showed up... .

[Mister Brightside]

Statistics very rarely ever to take everything into account. For instance, 80% (according to your source) may get recycled, but every last one of those relationships were different. For example, some of those relationships were short lived. Some of them spanned decades. In other cases, some run into their exes on a daily basis. Some live on opposite sides of the country or even the world. And that's just a couple of scenarios that cause our experiences to be unique from one another. As a result, comparisons aren't very fair to make.

[Reecer1588]

Statistics very rarely ever to take everything into account. For instance, 80% (according to your source) may get recycled, but every last one of those relationships were different. For example, some of those relationships were short lived. Some of them spanned decades. In other cases, some run into their exes on a daily basis. Some live on opposite sides of the country or even the world. And that's just a couple of scenarios that cause our experiences to be unique from one another. As a result, comparisons aren't very fair to make.

That is a fair statement. I think, however, it would not be a false statement to say the majority of people hear SOMETHING from their ex'd again. I would be in the minority if I literally never heard from her again.

[JRT]

Reecer

3 months in the entire BPD scheme of things, as I understand it, is like two seconds on the clock. Recalling that it is an attachment disorder and that they fully never are able to detach. Hence, the very well represented stories here of BPD's that circle back many months and years after the fact. As you know, I caught mine 5 months out stalking me on FB after I created a trap for her. I also have been getting as many as 6 silent phone calls from spoofed numbers in varying frequency apart from the usual spoofed/scam calls that I get... .might not be her but probably is.

I am currently at month 7 and there has been no direct contact. I might see month 10 or month 120... .dunno. But I am pretty sure that it is going to come and I think that I am one of the few on the forum that welcome it, even as I move on. But I hope that you do not put your life on hold waiting for that contact.   

[Reecer1588]

Reecer

3 months in the entire BPD scheme of things, as I understand it, is like two seconds on the clock. Recalling that it is an attachment disorder and that they fully never are able to detach. Hence, the very well represented stories here of BPD's that circle back many months and years after the fact. As you know, I caught mine 5 months out stalking me on FB after I created a trap for her. I also have been getting as many as 6 silent phone calls from spoofed numbers in varying frequency apart from the usual spoofed/scam calls that I get... .might not be her but probably is.

I am currently at month 7 and there has been no direct contact. I might see month 10 or month 120... .dunno. But I am pretty sure that it is going to come and I think that I am one of the few on the forum that welcome it, even as I move on. But I hope that you do not put your life on hold waiting for that contact.   

Good to hear from your Jrt, Yes I knew if anyone understood my plight it would be you. My life has taken a major turn for the better since i sent that Email to her, I've been lifting, weigh 182 pounds from 216 pounds 6-7 months ago, and I have no way to put this but with my physical changes my confidence is just kind of naturally increasing and the agony of this situation is waning. I'm not waiting for contact but I would like it. But life ain't bad without it either.

[JRT]

Reecer

3 months in the entire BPD scheme of things, as I understand it, is like two seconds on the clock. Recalling that it is an attachment disorder and that they fully never are able to detach. Hence, the very well represented stories here of BPD's that circle back many months and years after the fact. As you know, I caught mine 5 months out stalking me on FB after I created a trap for her. I also have been getting as many as 6 silent phone calls from spoofed numbers in varying frequency apart from the usual spoofed/scam calls that I get... .might not be her but probably is.

I am currently at month 7 and there has been no direct contact. I might see month 10 or month 120... .dunno. But I am pretty sure that it is going to come and I think that I am one of the few on the forum that welcome it, even as I move on. But I hope that you do not put your life on hold waiting for that contact.   

Good to hear from your Jrt, Yes I knew if anyone understood my plight it would be you. My life has taken a major turn for the better since i sent that Email to her, I've been lifting, weigh 182 pounds from 216 pounds 6-7 months ago, and I have no way to put this but with my physical changes my confidence is just kind of naturally increasing and the agony of this situation is waning. I'm not waiting for contact but I would like it. But life ain't bad without it either.

You sent her a letter? Was that recently?

[letmeout]

35 years married, 3 years divorced NC, then last month he got someone to give him my cell number. He texted me that he misses me, and then he started in with his typical lies.

I blocked his number. Rude of me? Perhaps. But I know the head games he plays, and I don't care to play. Period. No Contact is the only way out.

[Bensonshays]

Are there others of you that have ex's go silent and literally not make a peep, absolutely nothing, forever? Well obviously not forever since we're all still alive but you get my point.

To me, from what I've observed, when you go past a couple of months and don't hear a peep from them, your chances of them ever contacting you again go significantly down, has anyone else observed this?

I guess why I ask is because feeling forgotten feels pretty bad.

I'm just past the three-month mark without any form of communication. She sent me one text (a fake one) following the break up and posted a generic birthday wish on my facebook wall a few weeks later, which made me want to punch my monitor. She occasionally likes something I post on facebook; it gives me an ounce of hope that quickly sours into anger when it doesn't lead to more contact. But otherwise, nothing.

All I can say is that, yes, being suddenly rejected and ignored by someone whom you care about is a miserable experience. But you don't want the "toe in the water" kind of contact that I'm describing. It'll just give you false hope. Just keep to NC and try to meet someone else. I'm right there with you.

[Reecer1588]

I did Indeed send her an email letter. Here is the thread full of the details: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=275604.0

Warning: you may cringe reading it

[Blimblam]

At one point my ex hadn't contacted me in a while.  I hit her up to chill and we met up and it turns out she had been looking at my social media.  My ex is highly sentimental and at that time I could have recycled.  I was in a different place where you are now though.  I had decided to go no contact in my own to heal with the intent of pursuing things once I had healed I could have been sleeping with her that entire time if she hadn't become a big trigger for me. 

No one knows for sure what your ex will or will not do and neither do you.  It is something out of your control.  She is out of your control.  :'(

I'm sorry

[Reecer1588]

Nope, no one does. I just wanted to read the experiences of others and it would appear my situation isn't all that rare

And by that I mean just not a peep for months.

[dagwoodbowser]

We are all just stupid humans that run on our Egos as autos run on Gas. We want what we cant have, dismiss what we already have. I wont go to deep into my story as most of you are familiar with it. Almost 3 years, multiple recycles. First time I was dropped I was convinced it was my fault and I wanted a second chance. 20 days into N/C she reaches out. Wow... .what an exciting event it was! Had my second chance, got dropped again. This happened another 2 times afterwards, last time nearly destroying me.

45 days now, longest I've ever done N/C and last week she reached out. It triggers me and actually frightens me. I have Blocking app on phone, emails are set to delete so I dont even have to know, let alone read  

her seductive prose likely written by Satan himself in order to entrap me once again.

Honestly and truly... .if you're xgf/bf is truly BPD any sort of contact should sound an alarm deep within you. On the other hand, if you were like me at first... .then there's a sick twisted masochist within yourself that you need to promptly evaluate and ask why you would want to "purposely" place yourself into the hands of someone who is not only hell bent on destroying themselves, but anyone else they can drag down with them.

My 2 cents

[Maternus]

Are there others of you that have ex's go silent and literally not make a peep, absolutely nothing, forever?

Not a peep for more than 6 months.

[Reecer1588]

Are there others of you that have ex's go silent and literally not make a peep, absolutely nothing, forever?

Not a peep for more than 6 months.

Had you any recycles? The thing about my ex is that there is really no precedent to go off of. There's some friends she eliminated in high school and never talked to but on the same token she's eliminated some friends in college then later told me they were talking again. There's no precedent from her as to whether she will attempt any contact or not. The numbers say at some point she will, then again I could just be in that minority.

[myself]

Sometimes we just have to accept that they're gone.

[Maternus]

Had you any recycles?

No. No recycles.

[Deeno02]

Bluntly? Who cares. Being tossed away is about the worst feeling in the world. One Im still dealing with. 8 months out and nothing, except for once when I broke NC to wish her well and got blasted via text. Lesson learned. As she coaches my sons volleyball team, I see her about 2 to 3 times a week. I say nothing, she says nothing and the world is a much better place for that. In a nut shell, I dont care if I hear from her ever again. As much as I still love her deeply, I know nothing good will come of me getting back together with her. Nothing. After all, let me add a stupid cliche', A leopard doesnt change its spots... .Ultimately, choice is yours.

[going places]

Are there others of you that have ex's go silent and literally not make a peep, absolutely nothing, forever? Well obviously not forever since we're all still alive but you get my point.

After 25 years... .yes. Totally silent.

ZERO concern.

Done.

However, part of his abuse was to administer the silent treatment, so this is not too shocking.

To me, from what I've observed, when you go past a couple of months and don't hear a peep from them, your chances of them ever contacting you again go significantly down, has anyone else observed this?

I guess why I ask is because feeling forgotten feels pretty bad.

1. I was replaced a long time ago, so the chances of him 'peeping' are zero.

2. I burned that bridge, so the chances of him 'peeping' are zero.

3. I would NEVER ever speak to him again, it would devastate the kids.

Yes, being dumped sucks.

But retrain your brain to think "Thank God I didn't waste another minute with this person".

Just some stories from people who've experienced/experience months/years of not a peep either. When I say 'a peep' I mean no feelers on social media, no covert contact, no nothing. For me it's just the brutal reality that any contact with her= police.

Being the particular flavor of evil that my ex is, no, he will not set out feelers.

I do not exist. He is very much an out of sight, out of mind, kind of person.

I simply, do not exist.

Sadly, neither do his adult children. Seems his new trick has a kid, so he is 'playing daddy' to someone else's kid to keep up his "good guy image" all the while lying and saying "his kids won't talk to him cause of their mean old mom"... .

Seriously, if I never hear from him again, for the rest of my life, it will be a day too soon!

No feelers on social media. He is 100% blocked. We have ZERO 'mutual' friends.

I guess it's just when I read on the 'recycling' workshop something like over 80% of the respondents had at least one recycle... .you know it speaks to the statistical probability that my ex will at least one day contact me, as we've never recycled. But that's just statistics. Realizing I might be that 1/5 who doesn't recycle, and never hear a thing from their ex again is pretty, well, it's a downer.

Consider yourself blessed.

Spend this time working on YOU and putting the past, in the past.

That way IF she tries to recycle, you will be strong, healthy, and NOT interested.

It's like kicking heroin.

Once you get off the junk, you don't ever want to start again, because you know, it will be to your demise... .

Of course time marches on and it's been about 3 months since I've heard from her. I'll make a thread the day something changes.

Anyways that's all. I feel a lot better now since going full NC.  

YOU keep focusing on you, get healthy, and you will be thankful she doesn't try to contact you!

[DyingLove]

Are there others of you that have ex's go silent and literally not make a peep, absolutely nothing, forever? Well obviously not forever since we're all still alive but you get my point.

To me, from what I've observed, when you go past a couple of months and don't hear a peep from them, your chances of them ever contacting you again go significantly down, has anyone else observed this?

I guess why I ask is because feeling forgotten feels pretty bad.

Just some stories from people who've experienced/experience months/years of not a peep either. When I say 'a peep' I mean no feelers on social media, no covert contact, no nothing. For me it's just the brutal reality that any contact with her= police.

I guess it's just when I read on the 'recycling' workshop something like over 80% of the respondents had at least one recycle... .you know it speaks to the statistical probability that my ex will at least one day contact me, as we've never recycled. But that's just statistics. Realizing I might be that 1/5 who doesn't recycle, and never hear a thing from their ex again is pretty, well, it's a downer.

Of course time marches on and it's been about 3 months since I've heard from her. I'll make a thread the day something changes.

Anyways that's all. I feel a lot better now since going full NC.  

Yes.

Today is 44 days N/C and I haven't heard a peep from her.

But I want to!  It's eating away at me.  I wanna contact her so bad to just say "here I am!"  I'm holding on by a thread, but I'm holding.  Seems it's getting worse by the day. But weekends for me are extremely lonely and I spend too much time in my head.

[Fr4nz]

Are there others of you that have ex's go silent and literally not make a peep, absolutely nothing, forever? Well obviously not forever since we're all still alive but you get my point.

To me, from what I've observed, when you go past a couple of months and don't hear a peep from them, your chances of them ever contacting you again go significantly down, has anyone else observed this?

I guess why I ask is because feeling forgotten feels pretty bad.

Just some stories from people who've experienced/experience months/years of not a peep either. When I say 'a peep' I mean no feelers on social media, no covert contact, no nothing. For me it's just the brutal reality that any contact with her= police.

I guess it's just when I read on the 'recycling' workshop something like over 80% of the respondents had at least one recycle... .you know it speaks to the statistical probability that my ex will at least one day contact me, as we've never recycled. But that's just statistics. Realizing I might be that 1/5 who doesn't recycle, and never hear a thing from their ex again is pretty, well, it's a downer.

Of course time marches on and it's been about 3 months since I've heard from her. I'll make a thread the day something changes.

Anyways that's all. I feel a lot better now since going full NC.  

Just my experience: not a peep from her since 2 months, when we entered NC.

We b/u just before New Year (after 1.5 years of intense relationship) and I was definitively replaced on the 1st of February, with another guy she's still in relationship. I have to say that we live in two different cities (which are 250km far), so we have no chance to meet each other accidentally. A curious thing is that the new guy doesn't live in her city as well (300km far), so in my case it seems to be true the fact that for BPD medium-distance relationships may be, somehow, optimal.

Anyway, I'm moving on with my life and currently dating a girl (although nothing serious for the moment).

I have to admit that I still think about my exuBPDgf often and part of me still hopes that she will contact me in the future, even though the frequency of these thoughts is diminishing as time passes.

[Maternus]

What I'm looking for in this thread is to hear from people WHO ARE in the small minority,what they did to cope with the feelings of being forgotten, feelings of abandonment, things like that.

My relationship ending was one of that rare cases, too. It was our first (and last - I hope so ) breakup and there was no contact since early November. She was trying to infuriate in the aftermath. I didn't understand her behaviour at that time, but now I know, that she desperately needed me to be angry, to deal with her feelings of shame. She did so much to provoke my anger, and I was boiling inside, but I stayed calm and civil. I was shattered to pieces but I did nothing I have to be ashamed of in the aftermath. So I don't think, that I'm forgotten. I'm a trigger for her shame and that keeps her away from me. 

[emancipated]

Reecer

My situation appears from the outside to be similar. She up

And left. Texted her after a couple days texted her that I

Loved and missed her. Her response was don't it's over

She strung me along and then boom gone. Turns out just

Like many stories u read she had been cultivating a

replacement the whole time... .A much older more financial ly

Secure man. I was absolutely devastated and have been

For much of the last year. She admitted once in passing

That she checked my facebook. But no direct contact Oct

Was the last.time we spoke I am in much better place now

But in over 10 months no recycle. Attempt I'm curious if it

Will come but no longer live for it or even hope for it