Thanks fromheeltoheal, that helps. I think the key for me is to work on what kept me stuck in the relationship - codependency. I bought the Journey from Abandonment to Healing book and WOW. The work on having dialogue with your inner child was powerful.
I guess with the kind of contact we had last week my focus swung back over to her. I can truly see the value of NC but that's just not possible. It doesn't help that she's miss popular. I know it's a mask but it still bugs me.
Good for you! Shifting the focus from her to you is the way to get some healing work done.