BPDD leaving 8 year old unattended

[mom2bpd]

I haven't been on in a long time because things were crazy and then got better. They are mostly better with my BPDD but recently she found out there was no state law concerning age and leaving your child alone. Since then she has left our 8 year old granddaughter alone about once a week on a school night until 10 or 10:30 at night. I confronted her about this being neglectful and she blamed our granddaughter for getting her in trouble with me!  I find this very disturbing and don't want to report her to cap but know this is reportable especially doing this at night. What other option do I have? I know she would suspect me of reporting her and don't want my granddaughter withheld again but I feel this is so wrong.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Thursday]

momtoBPDd-

My heart goes out to you- what a very difficult position to be in.

You are right to be concerned.

I can't imagine any 8 yr. old who is up to being left alone at night. I have a dear friend (she is now 69 yrs. old) who was left alone at night by her mom. She has had a hard life with her emotions in part due to being traumatized by this neglect. Her being left alone wasn't constant but having to fend for herself when she was at such a tender age plus the fear she felt when she was confronted by things that were too difficult for her (homework, opening a jar when she was hungry, once she broke a bowl filled with soup and was barefooted and cut her foot trying to clean up the mess) plus her parent's divorce have all compounded into a person who is pretty neurotic overall.

I would think there would be a way to report this anonymously. Perhaps a 911 call to the police from a payphone? Do they live in an apartment or home where neighbors could notice this? Maybe a visit from the cops would give your DD a clue that this is not OK.

If this isn't plausible, can you find a validating way to speak to your DD about this? "Everyone has a need for some time for themselves. I can see that you, as gd's mom, feel that she is ok to be left alone. I worry though, that you might get in trouble if something happens that GD can't handle and others get involved by accident. What do you think might be another possible.

solution for you in this situation?"

Your gd has so much on her little plate- being left to manage for herself at night until after she should already be in bed isn't fair to her. What if her Mom was delayed in getting home? Car accident, flat tire, some unforeseen complication. Very scary to think of such a wee one going through such grown-up stuff all alone.

Best wishes for you mom- please let us know what happens.

thursday

[Panda39]

If this isn't plausible, can you find a validating way to speak to your DD about this? "Everyone has a need for some time for themselves. I can see that you, as gd's mom, feel that she is ok to be left alone. I worry though, that you might get in trouble if something happens that GD can't handle and others get involved by accident. What do you think might be another possible.

solution for you in this situation?"

I like this and maybe give some possible scenarios like those given by thursday so she understands why it could be dangerous both for her daughter and for her.

Is your granddaughter's father in the picture? Could you work together?  If you are unable to get your daughter to see the light, I would report her, as it is your granddaughter's safety we are talking about here.  Your daughter is an adult but your granddaughter is a child.  If there is no win (daughter) win (granddaughter) situation the way I see it, it's your job to focus on protecting your granddaughter.  Do you live near by?  If so could you give your phone number to your granddaughter so she can reach you if there is an emergency? While you work on this with your daughter.

I'm sorry that GD8 got in trouble with mom for talking to you about her absence my SO's uBPDxw does this with their daughters as well.  Be sure to validate GD8, be sure to tell her she did the right thing. You need to counter the message that it was wrong that her mother gave her.

I hope your daughter is able to see the light.