Hello from an utterly miserable newbie relieved to have found you

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hello

I'm so so glad I found you.

I am in the throes of my relationship ending, I think it's probably ended now but who knows really, I've thought that so many times.

And even though she has behaved so appallingly so many times, I would take her back in an instant if she came to me, but she won't because I've also started to behave appallingly - I don't recognise myself. She has always blamed me for everything, but now there is some truth in some of the things she says, and its that that is so very hard. I hate myself.

I KNOW that I have to disengage, I know this relationship stands no chance, I know, I've read, I've talked to friends, I know... .But... .but... .but... .

Please, if there is anyone out there who can help me to not turn up on her doorstep again, and to get my head round any of this stuff, please.

Ps I'm sorry, I posted this on the help board, which I think is the wrong place and not sure how to remove it. Sorry for repetition

[Mel1968]

Hello

I'm so so glad I found you.

I am in the throes of my relationship ending, I think it's probably ended now but who knows really, I've thought that so many times.

And even though she has behaved so appallingly so many times, I would take her back in an instant if she came to me, but she won't because I've also started to behave appallingly - I don't recognise myself. She has always blamed me for everything, but now there is some truth in some of the things she says, and its that that is so very hard. I hate myself.

I KNOW that I have to disengage, I know this relationship stands no chance, I know, I've read, I've talked to friends, I know... .But... .but... .but... .

Please, if there is anyone out there who can help me to not turn up on her doorstep again, and to get my head round any of this stuff, please.

Ps I'm sorry, I posted this on the help board, which I think is the wrong place and not sure how to remove it. Sorry for repetition

[fromheeltoheal]

So why, specifically, would you go see someone who treats you appallingly?

[Mel1968]

Because she doesn't always and when it's great its really great

Because she's engaging in therapy and so if I can just hang in a bit longer it might get better

Because maybe it is me and so if I can change my responses, especially now I've found this site and there are a lot of resources to help, maybe things wouldn't be so bad

Because maybe if I can just talk to her rather than have to rely on text and email, we can sort it all out and start again.

But that's a lot of maybes, I'm aware of that. And she hates me just now anyway. I need to use the space her rejection has given me to think about my own stuff.

I'm not going.

[fromheeltoheal]

OK Mel, it sounds like you're into this gal, regardless, and it's good you're looking at your own stuff, there's an opportunity for growth there.

You might try the Staying board, where people who are still committed to the relationship discuss the issues they face.  This is the Leaving board, where folks have said to heck with it, time to end the relationship.  Take care of you!

[Mel1968]

Thanks, fromheeltoheal, I will check out that board.

All the best