Smear Campaign

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Is a smear campaign a part of their discard?  I have apparently gone from being the most beautiful amazing human being to being torn down to she is a psycho and must be both ignored and destroyed.  What is interesting is that the entire time that we were “together” I was kept pretty isolated from his life and I felt like I was a secret that very few people knew about.  Evidently, my doing nothing and having no contact with him has resulted in me being a psycho.  Wouldn’t a psycho stalk you, repeatedly contact you? I guess these are the finishing touches of the “devaluation?”  I haven’t done a thing except wish him well and walk away, which from his actions is what he wanted me to do.

Have you all experienced the smear campaign in the aftermath of the discard? 

[Olivia_D]

Is a smear campaign a part of their discard?  I have apparently gone from being the most beautiful amazing human being to being torn down to she is a psycho and must be both ignored and destroyed.  What is interesting is that the entire time that we were “together” I was kept pretty isolated from his life and I felt like I was a secret that very few people knew about.  Evidently, my doing nothing and having no contact with him has resulted in me being a psycho.  Wouldn’t a psycho stalk you, repeatedly contact you? I guess these are the finishing touches of the “devaluation?”  I haven’t done a thing except wish him well and walk away, which from his actions is what he wanted me to do.

Have you all experienced the smear campaign in the aftermath of the discard? 

[Irish Pride]

Is a smear campaign a part of their discard?  I have apparently gone from being the most beautiful amazing human being to being torn down to she is a psycho and must be both ignored and destroyed.  What is interesting is that the entire time that we were “together” I was kept pretty isolated from his life and I felt like I was a secret that very few people knew about.  Evidently, my doing nothing and having no contact with him has resulted in me being a psycho.  Wouldn’t a psycho stalk you, repeatedly contact you? I guess these are the finishing touches of the “devaluation?”  I haven’t done a thing except wish him well and walk away, which from his actions is what he wanted me to do.

Have you all experienced the smear campaign in the aftermath of the discard? 

Yes. This is why she was so reluctant so tell people we got back together after breaking up. I'm sure my name was drug through mud and I was painted black every time we broke up. She does it with EVERYBODY. Her friends, her family, her ex's, even her kids, to a degree. Always the victim, never the protagonist. It's why she has so few friends left. She's alienated so many.

[enlighten me]

To a degree both my exs smeared me. My ex wife told everyone I was a control freak who wouldnt let her have any friends. My exgf told everyone I treated her as my housekeeper.

Ive talked to mutual friends since and they were shocked at what was said as it never seemed like that when we were together.

[dagwoodbowser]

I'm sure that as you get the opportunity to review more topics you will find this is a typical MO. Think part of it is their shame. When my X would do something wrong... .typically cheat or lie, it was as though it triggered her to call her sister or tell mom and friends what a "bad person" I was. Guess this helped better digest and justify her sins. Also, since you have gone N/C, you have triggered Abandonment Issues and I think most anyone with this type of problem simply cant tolerate or stand being ignored. Hence, you have become an evil, vindictive person.

[Olivia_D]

Dagwood, your quote at the bottom of your writings (from Corinthians) gets me.  When he was struggling with many events in his life, I told him that regardless of time or circumstances that I would be there for him and I sent him that Bible quote.  In doing so, I told him that our relationship, be it romantic - good friend - sister type, was important to me and that having a romantic relationship may not be possible (as he indicated) but that we could be dear friends.  I was sincere in that I saw him struggling and wanted him to know that a romantic relationship was not the only option.  He seemed appreciate of this and then 4 weeks later disappeared.  I guess I need to put it into the oh well some people won't ever understand a human connection or have any capacity to bond.  If you don't bond, it's easy to disconnect.  Switch on / Switch off.  But, why trash a good person? 

[dagwoodbowser]

But, why trash a good person?

I could dedicate paragraphs to all the very compassionate things I did for X especially when I first meet her in her impoverished state living in squalor with 2 small children. It almost seemed as though this was expected. There wasnt enough that I couldnt do. Within a few months I used to over hear some of the negative and petty things about me she would use as fodder to gossip over complaining about this or that to either her sister or mother. Was no win situation. A waste of time and money, yet a tremendous learning opportunity about my weaknesses.

“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces." Matt 7:6

[PaintedBlack28]

Absolutely, a smear campaign is a hallmark of BPD.

Most important do nothing. It will subside quickly. Besides people are not so stupid to believe anything blindly.

Stay strong

Cheers

[Olivia_D]

Painted B, He's a pretty well-respected official.  His public persona and private persona are night and day.  He actually hacked into my email and cell phone--those kind of resources.  I woke up the other day and found the picture of me on my business website with a big red slash mark across of it.  I have one last connection to him and that is LinkedIn.  I don't know if I should just leave it alone as-if it doesn't bother me or delete it?  I am out mowing my lawn and the LinkedIn issue is pinging around in my head.  Crazy stuff.  Do you think I should delete it?

[JRT]

  Evidently, my doing nothing and having no contact with him has resulted in me being a psycho.  Wouldn’t a psycho stalk you, repeatedly contact you? I guess these are the finishing touches of the “devaluation?”  I haven’t done a thing except wish him well and walk away, which from his actions is what he wanted me to do.

Have you all experienced the smear campaign in the aftermath of the discard?  [/quote]
Yup... .I know that mine has... .not sure exactly what she has been telling everyone... .I know that he son referred to me as a 'psycho' (go figure) to my cousin who she was still FB friends with at the time... .of course, I should have expected this as she was the 'victim' in all of her past r/s's including the omnipresent BPD calorieless reason for breaking up 'they were too controlling' (like insisting the one beer a day drinker is an alcoholic; there is SOME evidence but no one really bothers to ask hard questions and just accept the 'reason' as official).

Mine had FB unfreinded each and every one of the people she had met through me... .she also convinced almost all of her family and friends to do the same one by one... .it was a colossal effort as there were around 35 individual calls that she had to make! I have no clue what she told them all that I had done to her, but I have read some other accounts on this forum that makes me hope that I never find out. Some of the tall tales are incredible and I imagine that hers is to have had the effect that it did.

Thinking about it, they have to face the scrutiny of their family and friends going forward along with any associated criticism and possible derision. Add to that if the r/s was trouble free (as mine was) or if there was a forthcoming replacement. THEN they had to make something up fast to justify their own behavior. With no one left to corroborate of negate, the sky is the limit with the smear campaign.

[Mutt]

Absolutely, a smear campaign is a hallmark of BPD.

Some and not all pwBOD will have a smear campaign when they are triggered with a significant amount of anxiety and stress. SWOE and motivations on distortion campaigns

www.books.google.ca/books?id=u7H9121rZOIC&q=distortion+campaign#v=snippet&q=distortion%20campaign&f=false

[PaintedBlack28]

 :)o you think I should delete it?

No I think you should leave it like it is. I believe that these are grounds for legal action. I dont know if you really want to make a move in that direction though.

Olivia there will come a day when you will be free of this nightmare.

Take care.

[apollotech]

Yep, the smear campaign is a pretty common tool for a pwBPD. They use it to justify the split. It absolves them of all wrongdoing when all blame is placed on the Non. As a result, they (pwBPD) don't have to dredge up any possible deep seated shame that drives a lot of their maladapted defense mechanisms, playing the eternal, professional victim being one of those maladapted tools. It is a child saying I didn't do it.

[UserName69]

Mine did it to her ex. She used me to get revenge on him. I really wasn't aware of this later I found out. Even if she did it to me I wouldn't even care because I'm over her, I have to feelings for her. The only feelings I have for her is hate. But I guess that's normal after someone has been playing with your feelings for a while. I do know she has been talking bad about me but we have no mutual friends and I never liked her friends.

The best revenge to take on your exBPD is to move on, become a better person that he/she is.