One year NC

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi everyone,

I just celebrated my first wedding anniversary and also my first year of NC with my uBPD mother and uNPD father. They made my life a living hell during my engagement. I never knew how emotionally abusive and cruel they could be until I started forge my own path in life. But I knew what I stood to lose if I gave in to them and their manipulations (my now husband, my life as an individual, my sanity and happiness). I tried compromising and setting boundaries. But them being a part of my life wasn't an option for them. They had to be my ENTIRE life, where my only role was as "the daughter", as uNPD father put it once, or there would be hell to pay. I wasn't entitled to a life of my own. So the only option to preserve my sanity was NC. There have been some attempts at contact to FOG up my vision  - all directed at my work address (including sending me packages that I never opened) and work phone number, because they no longer know where I live. I get very anxious and upset when it happens, but I've found ways to cope with the help of my T where those moments don't last as long as they used to.

One of their neighbors who I was very close with growing up called to wish my husband and I a happy anniversary. She no longer speaks to my parents (she sees through them also), but saw that they have a girl who's been staying with them for the last few weeks. I can't imagine who it would be. Definitely strange. Ny neighbor didn't know anything else about it other than what she saw, and I honestly didn't want to know. Perhaps they're trying to find another GC daughter who will make them her universe (do BPDs/NPDs try to find replacements for their relatives who go NC?). The thought of that is repulsive to me.  I just asked my neighbor not to share anything else with me that she may see. She understood. I don't want to know anything about them.

I just keep reminding myself that not only have my husband and I just celebrated a year of marriage, but I've celebrated a year of newfound independence and self-respect. I have a lot of work to do, especially when it comes to expressing my opinions and defining my own interests, but I also look back and I see how far I've come. And I couldn't have done that without the support I received on this board.

Thank you all so much for being here!

[Tiredbride313]

Hi everyone,

I just celebrated my first wedding anniversary and also my first year of NC with my uBPD mother and uNPD father. They made my life a living hell during my engagement. I never knew how emotionally abusive and cruel they could be until I started forge my own path in life. But I knew what I stood to lose if I gave in to them and their manipulations (my now husband, my life as an individual, my sanity and happiness). I tried compromising and setting boundaries. But them being a part of my life wasn't an option for them. They had to be my ENTIRE life, where my only role was as "the daughter", as uNPD father put it once, or there would be hell to pay. I wasn't entitled to a life of my own. So the only option to preserve my sanity was NC. There have been some attempts at contact to FOG up my vision  - all directed at my work address (including sending me packages that I never opened) and work phone number, because they no longer know where I live. I get very anxious and upset when it happens, but I've found ways to cope with the help of my T where those moments don't last as long as they used to.

One of their neighbors who I was very close with growing up called to wish my husband and I a happy anniversary. She no longer speaks to my parents (she sees through them also), but saw that they have a girl who's been staying with them for the last few weeks. I can't imagine who it would be. Definitely strange. Ny neighbor didn't know anything else about it other than what she saw, and I honestly didn't want to know. Perhaps they're trying to find another GC daughter who will make them her universe (do BPDs/NPDs try to find replacements for their relatives who go NC?). The thought of that is repulsive to me.  I just asked my neighbor not to share anything else with me that she may see. She understood. I don't want to know anything about them.

I just keep reminding myself that not only have my husband and I just celebrated a year of marriage, but I've celebrated a year of newfound independence and self-respect. I have a lot of work to do, especially when it comes to expressing my opinions and defining my own interests, but I also look back and I see how far I've come. And I couldn't have done that without the support I received on this board.

Thank you all so much for being here!

[claudiaduffy]

Happy happy anniversary, TB! Both on your marriage, and on stepping out into freedom and health. That is wonderful to hear. I especially congratulate you on deciding not to hear more about your pwBPD's further choices. It can be difficult to stop keeping an eye on them, for any number of reasons.

My husband and I are coming up on two years together and over 18 months of NC with my uBPDmil. We're about to move to a new residence, and I'm very excited to finally be where she won't know our address. The packages we thrown away unopened will finally be unable to make it to our door. Neither of us have the same jobs we did when we were first married, so she can't get us there... .the main trick will be that my own uBPDmom, who we are LC with, will want our address and we won't give it to her since she is in contact with uBPDmil (I try not to think about that relationship. Despite my mom trying to fill me in on it even though I end our conversations when she does.) Noot looking forward to that discussion! Ah well. The peace and freedom is worth it.

[Tiredbride313]

Hi Claudia! Congratulations on your new residence and creating even more distance from your pwBPD! It's so satisfying to have that sense of safety where they can't find your home.  I love my job and I so wish we would move offices so I don't have to worry about getting anything at work, but it's still much better than it was.

Good luck with your move, and good call on keeping your address from anyone you think may give it to your uBPDmil. I have a PO Box for most of my mail. When I moved, I had my mail forwarded to the PO Box as well. The only people I give out my address to are the people who visit our home and they either don't know my pwBPD or have no reason to be in touch with them. Your home is your safe place and you should do everything you can to keep it that way!

[Kwamina]

Hi Tiredbride313

Happy 1 year marriage anniversary! And also congratulations on the growth you've been able to achieve Having a uBPD mom and uNPD dad is a lot to deal with. Given the circumstances you describe I understand your decision to go NC. This isn't an easy decision to make but you did what you felt was needed to protect your own well-being and allow yourself to have a life of your own.

I just keep reminding myself that not only have my husband and I just celebrated a year of marriage, but I've celebrated a year of newfound independence and self-respect. I have a lot of work to do, especially when it comes to expressing my opinions and defining my own interests, but I also look back and I see how far I've come. And I couldn't have done that without the support I received on this board.

I am very happy that you are able to see the progress you've made You also still recognize that there lies more work ahead, but being able to recognize that is already the first step in making it happen

[ShieldsUp12]

Happy Anniversary!